August 16, 2002

Last Night's Shenanigans

Last Night's Shenanigans

My friend Kevin at work is so bored that he's on the "Unofficial Lee Majors Website." But before that he was on which (I verified) is a legitimate site. Check out the "Writings" section... it's hysterical in a scared-of-the-human-race way. I can't even believe I made it into work today. I rolled in last night at like 3:30 AM and woke up 4 hours later to finish reading some trashy romance novel. I met Louis at Hobson's in Hoboken so we could have a few drinks then head into the city together. Louis works for the Evil Faction that took over my company and we were supposed to meet more of his Evil Faction consorts at some bar. When my boss found out who my plans were with for the evening he was like "Oh my God you're fraternizing with the enemy." You know what they say... keep your friends close and your enemies closer.. just kidding Louis!! We were meeting The Others at 9:00 so we had a few (okay more than a few) at Hobson's and during a lively discussion about music ended up making Top 5 lists up the wazoo. Somehow I get the feeling that during the "Top 5 Songs You'd Sing If You Had To Sing On National Television" discussion, Louis said he would sing "Like A Prayer" by Madonna. But I don't know if that's true or if I just made that up because it's funny.

So after the flurry of drunken list creation we hopped onto the PATH and headed into the city. The bar we were going to was called Red Rock and it was located in the middle of nowhere. It's on 10th Avenue and 17th Street for God's sake. What the hell is out there except a whole bunch of old meat factories (old factories that used to process meat, not factories that created old meat). We took a cab from the 14th street station because "I know you don't think I'm going to walk 4 avenues and 3 blocks." Yeah, that was me talking. Louis is like Mr. Fitness and back home in Dallas he runs back and forth from Dallas to Houston for fun. We get to the Red Rock and it's this crazy, loud wannabe Coyote Ugly place with biker guy bouncers all over the place. We settle in by the pool table to wait for The Others and end up in conversation with two brothers, one of whom was a Lutheran minister. A Lutheran minister who was three sheets to the wind. I've always wanted to say that. I know it means "wasted" but I don't know its derivative or anything. I just read it all the time in my trashy romance novels. So anyway, Matt (the minister) and Dave (the minister's George Clooney lookalike brother) were a couple of interesting characters. I don't think Louis particularly cared for them but I have a higher tolerance of people who do dumb shit if watching them do it gives me fodder for my weblog. Matt kept walking around the bar cracking random people's necks and backs (women AND men) then finally got kicked out because he wandered into the women's restroom. A drunken Lutheran minister who frequents womens' restrooms. What would his loyal congregation say? Dave patted my ass but I punched him so we called it even. Some old man that was like 90 years old patted my ass too but I figured what the hell, I can't punch an old guy. It'll just be my Good Samaritan moment of the evening.

As usual, as the alcohol flowed so did my belligerence and Louis was annoyed as hell at the people who kept cutting the line for the pool table. We ran the table for awhile but I foolishly surpassed the drinking point where my level of play was affected. Louis is a ringer though. Anyway towards the end of our stay at Red Rock it looked like we would eventually brawl with the other patrons, and being grossly outnumbered we decided to bounce. Of course, if The Others had actually shown up like they said they were going to, we might not have been grossly outnumbered. Just goes to show that you can't trust Evil Factions that take over other companies (I act like I'm not getting a very lovely severance package).

After Red Rock we went to the Village to try and get more alcohol and food. After a brief interlude at some dingy ass bar called "101" that had a black rock band playing... yeah okay. When was the last time you saw a black rock band? I think Living Color was the only one I had ever seen and they sucked. I hated that song "The Cult of Personality." That was like the worst song ever. Almost as bad as Milli Vanilli's "Blame It On The Rain" which Louis loves. I think he's on drugs. Anyway we ended up at some diner on 7th Ave and ate the BEST EVER shell steak and eggs and eggs benedict in the history of eating. Either that or we were still really, really drunk, which I'm more inclined to believe. I don't know how our inebriated selves found the PATH station and made it back to Jersey alive. Hopefully Louis woke up in time to catch his flight back to Dallas and he's not lying on the concrete outside his hotel, passed out in a puddle of his own vomit. Somehow I doubt it. Texans can really drink.

Some facts about last night:

1. The song I danced on the bar to was "Rag Doll" by Aerosmith.
2. I had at least 7 Ketel One and crans, 2 shots of Black Haus, 1 buttery nipple (butterscotch schnapps/Bailey's) and 1 shot of some really disgusting whiskey. I also downed Dave's Rolling Rock.
3. Hobson's plays really awesome music without any respect to genre. I heard "Baby I Got Your Money" (ODB), "Need You Tonight" (INXS), "The Next Episode" (Dr. Dre), "People Are People" (Depeche Mode) and like 80,000 other songs I love.
4. Louis has "Ditty" by Paperboy on his "Top 5 Songs You'd Listen To Over and Over Again On A Desert Island FOr The Rest Of Your Life" list which makes him awesome.
5. Some guy at Red Rock kept dipping his little Japanese girlfriend and the last time he did it he dropped her on her ass. By the way, "dipping" is not some code word for some crazy sex maneuver, I meant that thing you do when you're tango-ing. I know you guys got thrown off by the whole Japanese thing cuz you know Japanese porn is psychotic.
6. We couldn't take a cab back to Jersey City even though we were only going from one end of the Holland Tunnel to the other because between the both of us we only had something like $19.22 left. You forget money is money when you're drinking. All you know is that it's what you have to keep giving the people who guard the alcohol, in order to keep the drinks coming.

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