Drazen, Puppy Vomit, Ass Demons and PETI

Drazen, Puppy Vomit, Ass Demons and PETI

I've decided that I want to name my nonexistent kids Yugoslavian names when they exist. It would be supercool to have kids named Drazen and Dragan. I just found out that MPip's real first name isn't Mike, it's Miodrag which is an awesome, awesome name. Admit it... don't you get a bit of a chill when you say "Predrag Stojakovic"?? Another great name.

I went to the gym yesterday and it was a scary, scary place. No offense because I know a lot of you are gym rats but the gym houses the most eclectic mix of people I've seen in awhile. I saw guys who just lounged around checking out the girls, guys who looked like they ingested steroids every hour on the hour, chics who were skinnier than a 9-year-old but with enormous breasts, really really really really really old people being physically led around by trainers, racquetball players with huge ass beer guts, women whose muscles had muscles... it was like this scary, surreal world. I wanted to go back to Kansas, but I settled for an hour on the treadmill.

Net and I were talking about the need to cover things while we sleep. I said I liked to have my feet covered and tucked in. One of my friends once said that in ancient times somewhere people thought you were protected from demons if you slept with your feet covered. I never saw that on my source for supernatural lore (Buffy) but I guess doing it keeps me from thinking about it. Net said she was fine as long as her waist and butt were covered and I asked her if that meant she was protecting herself from midnight marauding ass demons. So that's my new favorite term to call people, "ass demons." In case you're wondering how to use that, a good example would be "I can't believe you're making me watch Dawson's Creek you fucking ass demon." Or "Wash your fucking dish you ass demon." Yessssss... it's lovely. Use it. Love it. Live it. I'm so glad I'm using my higher education to think up creative new insults for my friends.

My puppy threw up in the car on my way to work and now I smell it for some reason. I've smelled everywhere (my hands, my arms, my clothes, my hair, my shoes) but I can't pinpoint where it's coming from. It's this elusive gross smell that vanishes the moment I become aware of it. Incidentally, in case you're wondering, puppy vomit is NOT a pleasant odor.

This morning I was sitting on Aris and Manny's front porch, looking at a white plate with water and Joy dish-washing liquid on it. I'm sure you all got that e-mail about how putting this out will kill mosquitos. There were actually mosquitos and about 40 other bugs on this plate which made me wonder out loud how many innocent bugs must die during the perpetual Human Quest to eradicate mosquitos. Geo replied that he read some article once about those bug zapper light things and it said that out of about 3000 bugs that might die on one of those, only about 700 are the biting kind. So 2300 of the bugs that die there are sweet little bugs that don't harm humans personally. That statistic sounds kind of shady though. Then again, I have no trouble believing that some laboratory somewhere got subsidized by the government to sit there and count dying bugs for an obscure and idiotic study, that serves no visible purpose except maybe to activists from the People For the Ethical Treatment of Insects.

It is really cold in my office right now so I'm bundled up in this thick black sweater with a hood. People are looking at me like I'm strange but if they haven't realized yet that it's cold as hell in here then they're idiots. And it IS cold in here. I put a piece of ice on my desk and it hasn't melted yet. It's been like an hour. I don't think I mentioned this last week but I managed to throw away my ATM card last Thursday. Definitely not one of my more brilliant moves. I left it in the cardboard tray my lunch came in and in a fit of disgust over quite possibly the worst attempt at Chinese food ever made, I chucked the whole thing into my trash bin and completely forgot about my card. As a result, I am in monetary limbo. Yesterday I was at Target and I wanted lip gloss ($2.49), clear hair thingys for my pigtails ($1.99) and some Suave Cucumber Melon lotion ($1.89) but I couldn't afford it. I had to leave my basket at Aisle 17 and send George in from where he was outside puppysitting to go buy it for me. It's nice to know I am not immune to super dumb moves, even at the ripe old age of 26.

Weekend factoid: I have 6 new mosquito bites to add to the 9 I already had, including the 4 on the bottom of my feet. Yes, FEET. As in the plural. Sometimes I HATE New Jersey. I never even saw a mosquito in California, much less gotten bitten by one.