August 1, 2002

Thursday and Friday Crap

Thursday and Friday Crap
I might need to do this for money after I get laid off. Just kidding. This guy is nuts.

Some article from London says that "dogs may be smarter than humans think." DUH. They needed to spend millions of dollars to come to that conclusion? Anyone who's ever had a dog knows this is true. We got Bailey a barking collar that sprays citronella into the air whenever he barks really loud. It's supposed to be humane way to inhibit barking. So now whenever we put it on Bailey, he stops barking loud and instead emits a high-pitched squeak that doesn't set off the collar. He's found a way to make just as much noise without setting off the citronella. Whenever he's stolen something he knows he shouldn't have and I'm chasing him, he runs around the drum set because he knows I can't run around there as easily as he can since it's in the corner. If I put him in his crate to go to work and dump some animal crackers in there, he uses his nose to flip them away because he knows it's supposed to distract him long enough for me to leave. Oh and he waits for me to stop looking at him before he steals things. He'll hang out by the object of his choice like he's just laying around sleeping but then the moment I step away he goes right for it.

So we went to Petland in Union to go by treats and stuff for Bailey. When we were checking out, Geo asked the cashier if they had a discount system like Petco does. The cashier mumbles something that neither of us understand. So I repeat the question and Mr. $4.50-an-hour turns to me and says "Didn't you just hear him ask that?" And I reply "Obviously I didn't comprehend your reply hence the repetition of the question." So he says back "Well I answered him." So I say "Well I'm not asking him, I'm asking you. He doesn't work here. You're the one that works here, so I'm going to assume that answering customer inquiries falls under your limited job description." So he goes back to mumbling under his breath and of course I'm like "What??? You're mumbling again." But he doesn't repeat himself. So I say "If you hate your job so much you should get a new one." But then I realized 3 seconds later that he probably didn't have that luxury, since not only was he an idiot, he was an idiot who mumbles. And I felt a moment's twinge of remorse because I deliberately made that last comment to let him know that I knew how crappy his existence was. But then I realized that I didn't really feel any remorse, I was just telling myself that I should because it's the Nice Person Thing To Do. So then I swiftly eradicated all traces of pseudo-remorse and started wondering what I was going to eat for dinner.

When we got back to the car George was like "Damn yo, you're fast as hell. I'd just started thinking that what he first said was rude and you had already snapped back at him." Well everyone's got to have a talent. I normally try to be nice to people who work in jobs I'd hate to have, but sometimes I lose my temper. Especially with people who have what I call the Duane Reade Employee Syndrome. This occurs when people are so overcome with bitterness at their lot in life, that they take it out on as many customers as possible to make themselves feel better. It's especially evident in urban Duane Reade drug stores (hence the name) but also applies to any supermarket, large store or restaurant employee in the ghetto. You could tell Mr. Petland Sunshine was in the escalated stages of his syndrome, since it has to be worse at Petland. Imagine having to wipe up other peoples' dogs' piss and shit, then watching them spend more than you make in a month on a dog.

This reminds me of the time I was at Southcoast Plaza in California, and my sister comes walking over complaining that some news stand cashier had been rude to her. She wanted me to go tell him off. So I start walking over there and my mom says to me "Get back over here. Be Christian....they're losers." I thought that was hysterically funny (judgement masked by piety is the hallmark of Catholicism) but at the same time she had a point.

Hmm... I want to go to the mall. I have a $10 gift certificate to Bath and Body Works that expires tomorrow. That's like one whole bottle of Cucumber Melon. Or maybe something else. I go through stages of scents. After Victoria's Secret stopped production on my two favorite scents (Guava and Vanilla Lace), I moved on to B&BW. I started out with Sun-Ripened Raspberry in college, along with every other college chic in America. Then I moved on to Country Apple for a year, before settling on Juniper Breeze sometime in the spring of 1998. But then I got so sick of Juniper Breeze because I wore it so damn much, that now I can't even smell it or I get nauseated. Like I literally can feel the bile moving around when I smell it. So now I've been using Cucumber Melon for the past two years and I'm thinking it may be time for a change. Just for a little while, so my love for Cucumber Melon doesn't go the way of Juniper Breeze. Any suggestions? Sorry, I know this paragraph is relatively inane but I live off inanity.

No comments: