Wednesday Crap: Freddie Prinze Jr, The Internet and Holiday Office Parties

Wednesday Crap: Freddie Prinze Jr, The Internet and Holiday Office Parties
So I had a dream and Freddie Prinze Jr. was in it so now I dig him. I hate it when that happens. No, it wasn't THAT kind of dream. I had this dream that I was in high school in Chicago and me and Freddie Prinze Jr. hated each other because I thought he was a snob. But then we became friends and wrote to each other while I was at tennis camp in Switzerland and he was at pottery camp. Please don't ask me why a tennis camp would be located in the Alps of all places. That's like having a snowboarding school in Aruba. And don't ask me what pottery camp is or why any self-respecting male over the age of 5 would attend it. Maybe it was pottery camp because prior to my dream I had thought Freddie Prinze was kind of fruity (in a hot way) and this was my mind's way of making sure my dream subconscious knew that. So in my dream we had a good time writing to each other but then when school started he still wanted to be friends but I didn't because he hung out with unintelligent rich people and I hung out with smart punk-band people. So in the end I was the snob but then it all sorted itself out during choir which had like 600 members all sitting at round tables and playing cards while they practiced Italianized Latin choral music. But then at graduation I acted like a beeyatch so Freddie went off to some art school in San Francisco. So then I was sorry and I followed him but ended up flying into the wrong city and I had to walk to SF alongside the Bay. And then my friends were all mad at me because I was in the area and didn't call any of them but that happens everytime I go to the Bay Area so maybe that was just my mind trying to inject some reality into this ridiculous dream.

I babysat my cousins' kids yesterday from 6am-6pm. Marc is 6, Matthew is 4 and Marcella is 2. Yeah I'm still tired. What a bunch of active kids. Their parents should be given medals for being able to raise 3 small kids one after the other. Marcella is the giggliest child I have ever had the pleasure to babysit, and she seemed to get great pleasure from picking her nose and wiping it on me. Ahhh the joys of childhood.

I think I need to get a job, if only to save myself from all this boredom. I have been everywhere on the Information Superhighway, twice. I have looked at news stories, drum accessories, recipes, crystal collections, dogs, porn, dogs in porn, medical insurance, viagra, easy home loans, Ediets, stock certificates, agriculture, medical procedures, kittens, Chris Rock, books, glassware, lentils, cellular phones, cellular mitosis, cellulite, stem cell research, DVDs, CDs, MBAs, more porn, fast cars, slow cars, fast cars that go slow, alcoholic beverages, fantasy football, baseball, basketball, golf, hockey, squash, ping pong, persian rugs, athletic apparel, lamps, Gucci sunglasses, second-hand clothes, Raiders T-shirts, jerseys, comic books, politics, WW2, serial killers, cereal killers, free ink cartridges, business cards, hmtl, jennifer lopez blowjobs, cigarettes, pot, beagles, labradors, breast implants without surgery, breast reduction without surgery, lingerie, organizers, classmates, dentistry, architecture, 18th-century literature, 17th-century art, 16th century music, 15th century porn, sanrio, coins, mortgages, velvet sofas, JBL speakers, movie reviews, showtimes, showboats, indie internet films, Jake and romp, jack and coke, pizza-making, wine, Madeira, Greece, Nairobi, Scotland, cruises, salmonella, paper cuts, peppers, frigidaires, paint, lipstick, hairbrushes, eyelash curlers, MAC, replica ming vases, magazine subscriptions, Friends message boards, Filipino message boards, message boards about beagle mutts, message boards about Filipino friends with beagle mutts... I've looked everywhere. And I'm still bored. So I ended up on classmates.com and found out that Cuba Gooding Jr. went to my high school. Pretty cool.

I can't believe this whole Augusta National thing is even an issue. Who cares. I mean, WHO CARES.

This article on what not to do at office parties cracked me up. She forgot to mention the two most important rules for office parties:

1. Don't drink too much.
2. Don't fuck anyone.

My (former) company's last Christmas party was a riot. Some guy got so drunk that he threw up in the lobby (all over my friend Mike D's shoes) and some other drunken guy came running through the lobby, slipped on the vomit and fell into it. Nasty. But amusing. Our Chief Operating Officer was standing there witnessing it all on his way home. All the fun stuff happens to our COO. At the Christmas party before that one, he was on his way to the party and walked in on two customer service reps banging in the stairwell. That's one for the mid-year review. "Ms. Jamison has difficulty remembering who her supervisor is, but knows who her daddy is. She is also well-equipped for and highly enthusiastic about boosting company morale."