Super Bowl Sunday
I got one of those blah blah facts emails yesterday and one paragraph annoyed me:

The average cost of rehabilitating a seal after the Exxon Valdez oil spill in Alaska was $80,000. At a special ceremony, two of the most expensively saved animals were being released back into the wild amid cheers and applause from onlookers. A minute later, in full view, a killer whale ate them both.

Is this true? Is anyone else annoyed by this? $80,000 to save one fucking seal? Did they bathe it in gold and feed it diamonds? Does anyone else think the cost should have been something like $6... one bottle of Suave and some high-school kid earning minimum wage to wash it?

Am I just overly cynical because I get disgusted when I read white male sports reporters express their surprise over how "nice" Shaq was to Yao Ming at the Houston-L.A. game. Um, DUH. How else would anyone with 1/4th of a human brain react after being in the news that week for allegedly making racist remarks against someone? Of course when you meet that person you try and act like everything's all good. As much as it surprises me that I'm saying this, even Shaq isn't that stupid. He's not going to come into Yao's face with his usual "I'm the best even though that's only because I'm a big lumbering jackass" attitude after people have accused him of being racist.

So Andre Agassi whomped "that German guy" in the Australian Open final, (which was to be expected) and now we get to see Andre and Steffi Graf play mixed doubles in the French Open this year. YAY!! I know no one else cares about that but I think it's exciting. Okay, I'm heading out of town for this week after the game... I'll try to post my usual nonsense if I can get to a computer!
As for the Super Bowl, I'm thinking 27-24 GO RAIDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

9:00 p.m. edit: I don't know what to say. I'm speechless. Oh wait, no I'm not. What idiot at the NFL League Office thought it would be a great idea for Celine Dion to sing at the Super Bowl?? I mean, Celine Dion? And could she have sung "God Bless America" any slower? I would understand if it was the National Tupperware Convention or a Soccer Moms of America Convention. But Celine Dion at the Super Bowl? Isn't she the antithesis of everything football is? Did we owe the Canadians a favor or something? I can't believe how much my team is sucking. I mean sucking with a capital S. It literally got too painful for me to watch. I mean I started pulling muscles I didn't even know I had while screaming. And I didn't think it was possible for me to break my previous record of saying "FUCK" in one hour, but I did. In consecutive hours.

Okay let me talk commercials before I choke on my own frustration. The score is 34-15. I knew it was going to be a high-scoring game, I just didn't know the distribution was going to be so lopsided. So anyway, 80% of the Super Bowl commercials sucked ass, as has been the trend in the past few years. But the ones I liked were the movie previews. The Hulk, Matrix 2, Bad Boys 2, Terminator 3 and Joe Almighty (the Jim Carrey movie) all look like they're going to be fun. I also kind of liked the GameDay 2003 commercial with the guys who tackle each other over pizza and the Bud Light commercial with the guy in costume drinking through his ass.. Oh and I liked the Courtney Cox/David Arquette Coke commercial...did they play that one during the Super Bowl?

Commercials I Thought Were Aight
GPS-Satellite phone Cast Away (Fed Ex)
Clydesdales-Zebra referee (Budweiser)
Michael Jordan (Gatorade, Hanes) - It's hard to dislike Michael Jordan commercials.
Stuart Scott and the ring (ESPN) - Yeah I'm biased cuz he's my boy
Willie Nelson and the shaving cream (H&R Block)
Yao Ming and the NY cashier (Visa) - Okay this commercial was dumb but I like the one with Mini-Me and Yao on the airplane.
Afro dog (Bud Light)
Biting Squirrel (Trident)
Seashells and chics (Bud Light)
"So date both of us" (Budweiser)
Mom with big ass (Bud)
The Brad blind date (Bud)

Commercials That Made Me Groan Almost As Much As Watching The Raiders Drop Passes and Rich Gannon Get Picked Off Like A Fucking Apple Tree
Ozzy and the Osmonds (Pepsi Twist)
Refridgerator wrestling (Bud Light)
Gilligan's Island (MLife)
Guy choking (Dodge)
All the NFL commercials where that guy (Eddie Griffin? Is that him?) talks "passionately" through highlights. The highlights are cool but his dialogue annoys me. In the end it's really just football.

It was also weird when a 3-second spot aired saying "Time and temperature brought to you by Commerce Bank." It's like Commerce Bank only had $43,768 so they couldn't afford a whole 30-second spot.

Incidentally, does anyone else think it's amusing that the Raiderettes all look white? I don't think I've ever seen even one white person in all the times I went to Oakland. Okay I'm going to go now and convince myself this whole fiasco is John Madden's fault. His tongue was up Tampa Bay's ass starting from the coin toss. Okay what's the name of that ref who fucked up the two-point conversion call. Time to write one of my letters. How do you spell "blind and brainless fucknut."