A Belated Happy Birthday to Kwame!!! My idiot self had it written down as the 14th but it was apparently the 9th which makes me stare at my planner in aggravation and wonder what other vital information in there is wrong.
I've had some thoughts I wanted to share lately... just haven't had the urge to formulate them into some cohesive set of segues and paragraphs. So I'll just list them:
1. So ever since the whole Joe Millionaire thing I haven't been as closed-minded about reality TV as I've been in the past. That being said, I watched some of ABC's "Help I'm a Celebrity" series and Cris Judd is the fucking man. When I first heard he was on the show I was like "How the hell are they going to have some guy on the show whose only claim to fame is that he banged Jennifer Lopez for 11 months??" But after watching the show I didn't feel sorry for him anymore, I felt sorry for Jennifer Lopez. Gossip columns said she offered him one million dollars not to go on the show, because she was afraid it would result in bad publicity for her, after people saw what a great guy he was. I don't know if affirmation of her complete stupidity is bad publicity but she has Ben Affleck to console her.
2. THANK GOD Andy Roddick beat out Kobe Bryant in Page 2's "Are You Hot" Male Poll because I really didn't want to have to start the day covered in my own vomit. Wait... I mentioned Kobe Bryant.. that calls for...YOU GUESSED IT! The Kobe-Bryant-Getting-Whomped-Gif. I really love this thing.
I just wish that thing covered the whole screen. Okay back to Page 2... The "Are You Hot" Female Poll I thought was a complete joke because it had 2 WNBA players in it (you have GOT to be kidding me. Even political correctness should only go so far). The chic that won was definitely pretty but to be honest, when I voted I was kind of like "these white girls both look the same" but I voted for Jennie because she had also a nice face.
2. Every month there's a "Flavor of the Month" E-mail that I seem to receive from every single person in my address book. This month it was that "We hate the French" e-mail and I have to be honest, some of those quotes were hysterical. I mean, I don't have anything against the French or anything. People always tell me they can't stand French people but I don't know any so I can't really judge. I went to France when I was 13 but my only recollection of the people themselves were that the British and the Italians were a lot friendlier. Back to the e-mail, I read it almost every time it got sent to me and it still made me laugh. My favorite quotes were:
"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure" ---Jacques Chirac, President of France
"As far as France is concerned, you're right." ---Rush Limbaugh,
"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" ---Jay Leno
"The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --David Letterman
And my absolute favorite:
"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --Norman Schwartzkopf (Hahaha that one had me laughing like a lunatic in front of my computer. What a great analogy.) Incidentally, I'm not certain we should even want France as a military ally. They seem to have enough problems dealing with their own criminals.
3. I like how people who throw cats get the same amount of jail time as rapists. They should amend this law so that "cruelty" includes dressing your pets up in human outfits.
More to come eventually, my puppy just peed next to me so I have to go whoop some canine ass. By "whoop canine ass" I meant "wipe up the damn piss and spray Nature's Miracle" so don't go calling the ASPCA because I don't want to spend 5 years in jail.
