Crazy Spanish Lady
Geo and I come home yesterday and two girls about 8 and 9 years old are standing at our fence FEEDING my dogs human food. As in crap, bread, french fries whatever. So I tell Geo to say something to them because my first thought is "WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IDIOT KIDS FEEDING MY DOG???" So he tells them not to feed the dogs and they say they can because my dog (who I've had since he was 7 weeks old) is really their dog. WTF??? I look at them in disbelief and just walk into my house.
Geo's dad tells us later that hours earlier, some woman came by and told him that my dog is really her dog that they lost years ago. She "KNOWS" this because 1) he has a mark in his mouth and 2) he's very friendly to her and her kids.
First of all, my dog isn't even a year old you crazy fucking woman. Second of all, many dogs have those black marks in their gums. Third of all, his is a very pleasant breed (not like my mean ass other dog). And her idiot kids are FEEDING him. Of course he's going to be nice to them. Feed ME and I'll be nice to them.
So the woman and Geo's dad aren't communicating very well. He understands what she's saying but she doesn't speak English very well. She goes home (down the block) and gets her husband, who explains what she's saying. He then apologizes to my father-in-law, and tells his wife it's not their dog and to go home already.
But the crazy woman either still believes my dog is hers or has failed to let her idiot fucking children know it's not their dog because they were standing at my fence 3 hours later, feeding my dogs crap. MY DOGS THEN SPENT THE ENTIRE NIGHT PISSING, SHITTING AND VOMITING ALL OVER THE FUCKING KITCHEN. You can imagine how pleased I was about this.
So the woman comes by again today. She has a translator with her to explain that my dog used to belong to her. He says not to worry, that she doesn't want to get him back, she just wants visitations. What the fuck is this, a custody battle??? I tell him I'm not worried because it's NOT HER DOG!!!! The conversation kind of goes like this:
Guy: She lost the dog 3 years ago and misses him.
Me: Do you even know how old my dog is?
Guy: Yeah we know he's old.
Me: Um, no. He's not. He's 10 MONTHS OLD.
Guy: Oh wow really?
Me: Yes. We got him when he was 7-weeks old. Here are pictures of him. (I hand him a collage)
Guy: Ohh...
They start babbling about their dog's doctor visits. I say I don't give a crap who their vet is, nor does it pertain to anything in my life because my dog is "NOT... THEIR... DOG." Special education teachers don't speak as slow as I am by this time.
So the woman hands me a picture of her dog that she thinks is mine and I am instantly insulted because this dog is a mangy looking mutt and my dog is an AKC-registered purebred (yeah I'm being a snob so what). I point out the differences which even the guy admits by now it's a different dog. She is UNCONVINCED. She says she KNOWS my dog is hers despite the overwhelming evidence to the contrary because she called to him and "he speaks Spanish." I tell her that's a common misconception among strangers and that he actually speaks Portuguese. She doesn't get the joke. I am tempted to ask her hasn't she realized by now that maybe her dog ran away for a reason, namely that she's a lunatic.
Instead I go off and let them know (politely but firmly) that ONCE AGAIN Wolfie is NOT their dog and that they need to tell their children to not pet our dog and while they're at it, stay off our property. The guy by now is so embarrassed that I feel sorry for him, but I don't stop with my lecture. After his 800th apology he leaves. The woman still doesn't want to go but he's dragging her away. Psycho.
I do admit that I did curse once, in response to her claim that he comes to her when she calls him by the name of her dog that ran away. "OF COURSE HE COMES TO YOU. HE COMES TO EVERYONE WHO CALLS HIM. PLUS YOU WERE FEEDING HIM BREAD ALL AFTERNOON. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU THINK WAS GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN YOU CALLED HIM???" After that though the guy for some reason decided it was prudent to leave. I don't know why though.
