21 Loads of Laundry and A Drag Queen

21 Loads of Laundry and A Drag Queen

So Geo and I made a big list of things to do that we'd been putting off for months. At the top of the list was "ALL the laundry." That meant all the laundry that needed to be done, bags and bags in various hidden alcoves in our house. So we filled up the car with as much as we could take and headed on over to the laundromat. We did 21 loads of laundry. Yes, you read that correctly. TWENTY-ONE LOADS of laundry. We used dryers 16-36. I strode up and down the line of dryers, patrolling our rotating clothes like Maximus rallying the Roman troops.

As always, it is impossible for me to actually go to the laundromat and NOT meet anyone annoyingly stupid. Smart people have their OWN washing machines and dryers. Yes, I realize what group I included myself in. In my defense, as per our lease we weren't allowed to have a washer and dryer in our last apartment. Anyway, today's Exceedingly Stupid Laundromat Person was some woman that looked like a drag queen in sweats. I realize that to wear sweats breaks all drag queen diva rules. But this "woman" did look like a drag queen in sweats. I assume it's difficult to do laundry in pleather daisy dukes. So after dropping the finished clothes off at the car, I was attempting to pull the cart in through one of the heavy DOUBLE doors when I hear someone behind me say "Excuse me." I turn around and the Drag Queen proceeds to scootch all 6 feet 180 lbs of "her"self around me and through the door I am battling the wind to keep open. "Um HELLO Rupaul, these are DOUBLE doors. As in TWO. As in you could have gone out the other one. As in you didn't need to ask me to let you pass, you stupid fucking idiot." She tried to smile at me but decided against it. I really need to learn how to control my facial expressions. I think her already deficient IQ dropped a few more heavily-needed points just from my facial expression alone.

Hey you know what's fun at the laundromat? Standing in front of a dryer while it's running and trying to figure out if the clothes in there are yours. No really! I know, I know... I need to get out more. Geo and I were trying to figure out if some clothes were ours for the longest time (and getting very dizzy) when we finally decided they weren't. 5 minutes later some old guy who had been standing there watching us, strolls up to the dryer in question and nonchalantly puts in a few more quarters. I was like "You were watching us this whole time and you KNEW the clothes weren't ours??" He made some excuse about not knowing if they were his either but I think people at the laundromat just have a sadistic streak.

After we got home, we started tackling some of the other jobs on the itinerary. So I was off in the bedroom doing my own thing (not THAT you perverts, I was sorting pictures) and Geo comes up and hands me a napkin that he had written the following words on:

AOL
phone cord
nail polish
clean underwear

Geo: What did I need this list for??
Me: Oh it was for when I was in the hospital and I asked you to bring me the laptop Tony gave me, but to put AOL on it first, a phone cord, some nail polish and some more clean underwear.
Geo (sounding relieved for some reason): Ohhh okay. I was like "Where the hell could I have possibly been going that I needed to bring a phone cord and clean underwear?"
Me: Note to any law-enforcement officials who may be listening, my husband is NOT a serial killer.

Not that he has any scary inclinations, but Geo doesn't even have the time to serial play video games or serial watch DVDs. We're both too busy serial diaper-changing and serial feeding.