The Apprentice

The Apprentice

1. Did the guys really think they were going to compete with a bunch of attractive women to sell lemonade? Were they magically going to grow tits? The guys should have popped on their tightest jeans and sold their lemonade in Chelsea or the West Village. Also, way to make all women look like whores. You're supposed to be selling lemonade, not your phone number.

2. Could Donald Trump's apartment BE any more tacky? It looked like a fricken hotel. There ought to be some sort of law governing the use/abuse of gold-plating. Then again it'd probably be somewhat of an experience to puke in a gold-plated toilet.

3. Please tell me the token Asian chic isn't the ditziest of them all or I will seriously have to write yet another complaint letter. Wait, who am I kidding. I should say "or I will seriously have to pretend to write another complaint letter." What did the Asian chic say to Donald's model girlfriend... "How do you clean a house like this?" Let me ask the purely rhetorical question of-- Are you a fucking idiot. Do you really think a supermodel going out with an on-again-off-again billionaire gets on her hands and knees to scrub a bathroom? Hands and knees, yes. Scrubbing the bathroom, no. In all fairness however, the realization of the idiocy of her question (considering who it was directed to) was written all over her face a scant second after she asked it.

4. Okay Sam is quite possibly the most annoying reality tv non-celebrity to come along since that chic Melissa from the first Joe Millionaire. They should find each other, move to an island far far away and pro-create where their offspring can only annoy them and each other. He reminds me of my former boss from way back, who people chit-chatted with nicely then behind his back labeled "Self-important midget" and "The most annoying jerk ever."

5. David attempted to console himself after his firing by saying he had the highest IQ of anyone there. That might be true my friend but you and I both know that your high IQ is an inadequate substitute for cold hard cash. Everyone THINKS they'd rather be poor and smart than rich and stupid, until they get to be Paris Hilton for a day.

6. In the final analysis I think I'll keep The Apprentice on my list of shows to check in on every now and again. It'll be my one reality show of the season, since even though my friends keep telling me to watch it (for shit-talking purposes) I really can't stomach The Simple Life. My brain atrophies in the half hour it takes to watch it. Anyway, NBC was very smart to place The Apprentice directly after Friends otherwise I would have never bothered to check it out. What is NBC going to do after Friends is over? What show will they then use to lure unsuspecting people to crash-test their pilots? Incidentally, the Friends writers deserve an Emmy for Chandler's speech about Monica. I was ready to give her one of my twins after that speech. Just kidding. I'm not certain David Arquette would be the greatest rolemodel for my impressionable little munchkins.