24 Season Six: Hour Nineteen
1. Every time they show a close-up of Agent Ricky I vow to moisturize properly and stay out of the sun. Also, I sing "Here we are, face to face, a couple of silver spoons."
2. Even television presidents should learn from our country's history. Every President after Clinton should know that the Oval Office is not the place to get your Presidential Staff lubed up, otherwise it would be called the Oral Office. You're the President for God's sake, do what JFK did and sneak into hotel rooms. That's what the Secret Service is for. To take bullets for you and supply you with random hoes.
3. Men should never fight with women. It's not as if they can legally hit them, so it tends to be a war of words. Chloe went for the jugular with "How about you NOT arm nuclear bombs for terrorists?" Shame shame Chloe. You just don't go there, regardless of how pissed off you are. Other examples of shit that's off-limits in a fight are "That's why you're impotent" or "That's why I banged your brother" or "How about you NOT accidentally run a red and kill people." Some women will go there though, and happily.
4. Why do people at CTU always put in for transfers during a crisis? There are nuclear blah blahs floating around out there. Surely your pity party tantrum can wait a few more hours.
5. Karen Hayes throwing her husband Bill Buchanan to the wolves is about as surprising as there being another "mole" at CTU/Division/The White House. Firing him then saying "We will get through this, that's all that matters" and him responding "Is it?" then hanging up on her was priceless. Thatta boy Bill. I got that feeling I always get when one of my boys finally dumps his triflin' girl.
6. At least Shiny Hair Nadia is doing something now. I like how she has spent eighteen hours kissing ass, filing her nails, brushing her hair and delivering messages to the people who actually work but she was named Acting Director of the Counter-Terrorist Unit. It brings a much-needed dose of reality to the show. Seriously, how many times has that happened at your job? If it hasn't happened to you at least twice then stay there forever.
7. I am going straight to hell, and I know this because while Jack was Oh-My-Goding over twitchy ass Audrey, I was laughing my ass off. She looked like Smoky in Friday when Hector sold him crack-dusted weed and he ended up in the chicken coop.
Kwame's Thoughts
1. "Jack Bauer has gone rogue." Great way to start an episode. Nothing is better than when Jack goes "rogue." The quality of the show jumps by about 50 percent. By the way, at first I accidentally wrote "Jack Bauer has gone rouge" hahaha...)
2. There are things you can say in anger and take back, but "In the future don't arm nuclear bombs for terrorists" is not one of them. That was really below the belt Chloe.
3. If President Logan and the First Lady making out last season was a 100 on the "I'm going to throw up now" scale, the VP/Acting President and Skinny Blond Chick making out is at least a 90. And we all know she's only giving up the goods because she's some sort of mole/spy.
4. The "Doyle" character wouldn't be that bad if it was a different actor. He's by far the smartest "other field agent" they've had at CTU. Ricky Schroeder just doesn't quite pull it off. They should have made Chase (of the hacked off arm fame) more like Doyle. Without the baby mama drama of course.
5. With every episode I become a bigger Tom Lennox fan. (Ed's note: Seriously, they need to keep him on the show forever.)
6. I love how Jack knows the location of a random abandoned hotel. I think he and Audrey used to roleplay "field ops" there.
7. I knew he wasn't going to die, but the message Jack left for Bill got to me a little. Parenthood turns you into such a wuss.
8. It sucks that Bill Buchanan had to take the fall. He's the best director CTU has ever had. He has that weird "dad vibe" where you never want to let him down. Well at least we don't have to root for Karen now.
9. My wife said I'm "wrong" because I giggled a little at twitchy Audrey (Ed's note: At least I'll have good company in the handbasket.)
Showing posts with label television. Show all posts
Showing posts with label television. Show all posts
April 24, 2007
April 11, 2007
24: Season Six Hour 16 (I Think)
24: Season Six Hour 16 (I Think)
Yes, the pics are coming. Last night I re-sized at least 120, but there are more PLUS they need captions. I'll toss up two posts today though, since I've got like 30 in the queue sitting there and only about 4 people give a crap about 24 (the greatest show ever by the way.)
1. Whoa President Wayne with the nuclear missile bluff. Of course he let it get all the way to one minute to impact, it wasn't armed. Incidentally, has it been said what country they are threatening? I haven't been able to catch it and kind of just prayed to Our Lady of Assumption that it was Saudia Arabia or Iran.
2. I need a Jack Bauer shirt that says "Trust me, I haven't begun to enjoy myself" and him holding up a hacksaw. Or wire cutters. Or a grape.
3. Agent Ricky is about as scary as getting a run in your pantyhose.
4. Tom Lennox aka John Cage rocks, seriously rocks. It takes balls to man up and say you were wrong, especially to the guy you wronged and he ended up in a coma.
5. CTU's bluff in letting Fayed escape was pretty hot. I know I was bitching about the stupidity of letting only two agents escort him back to CTU when Jack and Agent Ricky sat back up. I didn't even freak about Jack getting shot, the guy can handle one bullet. Twenty bullets and I would have started to worry.
6. I thought they were going to pull the fake internet video thing they pulled in Season 2, when President Wayne told them to threaten the General's family. Seriously though, even the television viewing audience picked up on the code word.
7. Milo aka Pubes is killing me. Talk about major stupidity or cojones the size of New Mexico. Two hours ago you accused Nadia of being a traitor to her country, after she had been partially tortured. Guess what, I think that Ship of Poon has sailed. There's no point in busting out with the jealousy to protect ass you will never get. It should tell you something that she's nicer to the guy who tortured her than you.
8. Karen Karen Karen. "Are you feeling alright?" In my head, President Wayne replied "Well I did get blown up a few hours ago so I am a tad under the weather." She really is (as Kwame says so often) that annoying chick that you put up with because she's dating your boy.
9. I love the hanging underneath the car ploy, even if it is unrealistic. Then again, I never care about realism, only the entertainment value of things.
10. How can anyone not love a television character that can incapacitate a man in two seconds, shoot a bunch of terrorists then take out the last one while saying "Say hello to your brother." Beautiful. The writers are really toying with the shark jumping line though, with this whole Audrey and the Chinese government story. The greatest television character ever shouldn't be risking his life and everything good he's ever done for his country on questionable ass.
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
1. It was good to get more Jack. The last fight with Fayed was good even though it was a little forced. Also, they dragged the whole "suitcase nukes" story out then rushed to end it the last 2 hours. I did like when Jack hangs Fayed and says "Say hi to your brother."
2. The "fake rescue" gets points for being somewhat new. The execution of it was kind of lame, but good effort by the writers.
3. How many times can they use the "we lost them in the tunnel" scenario? And I know the CTU agents are inept, but one terrorist kills 3 agents in the back of a truck? Come on now.
4. While I called it, I wasn't proud of the "fake nuclear strike". Just shows how predictable they are getting. And really all plots twist involving Wayne are boring. The only interesting character in the White House is Tom.
5. Enough with Milo/Ricky/Nadia. Milo is a disgrace to men everywhere. I think all men have been a little "pre-whipped" over some chick but Milo is just breaking all sorts of whipped records. Doug Christie would be ashamed of this guy. (Ed's note: I am dying over "pre-whipped" it makes you guys sound like creamy potatoes. Damn, now I'm hungry. Also, word. Doug Christie would hand this guy a "Milo" jersey.)
6. It's really too bad The Nine did poorly or we wouldn't have to deal with Audrey. And really, at this point can't the Chinese just call the White House and say "We know Jack is alive, give him back to us?" At the same time, Audrey is the daughter of the Secretary of Defense and had access to all sorts of classified info, you mean to tell me that the White House doesn't know where she is at all times?
Yes, the pics are coming. Last night I re-sized at least 120, but there are more PLUS they need captions. I'll toss up two posts today though, since I've got like 30 in the queue sitting there and only about 4 people give a crap about 24 (the greatest show ever by the way.)
1. Whoa President Wayne with the nuclear missile bluff. Of course he let it get all the way to one minute to impact, it wasn't armed. Incidentally, has it been said what country they are threatening? I haven't been able to catch it and kind of just prayed to Our Lady of Assumption that it was Saudia Arabia or Iran.
2. I need a Jack Bauer shirt that says "Trust me, I haven't begun to enjoy myself" and him holding up a hacksaw. Or wire cutters. Or a grape.
3. Agent Ricky is about as scary as getting a run in your pantyhose.
4. Tom Lennox aka John Cage rocks, seriously rocks. It takes balls to man up and say you were wrong, especially to the guy you wronged and he ended up in a coma.
5. CTU's bluff in letting Fayed escape was pretty hot. I know I was bitching about the stupidity of letting only two agents escort him back to CTU when Jack and Agent Ricky sat back up. I didn't even freak about Jack getting shot, the guy can handle one bullet. Twenty bullets and I would have started to worry.
6. I thought they were going to pull the fake internet video thing they pulled in Season 2, when President Wayne told them to threaten the General's family. Seriously though, even the television viewing audience picked up on the code word.
7. Milo aka Pubes is killing me. Talk about major stupidity or cojones the size of New Mexico. Two hours ago you accused Nadia of being a traitor to her country, after she had been partially tortured. Guess what, I think that Ship of Poon has sailed. There's no point in busting out with the jealousy to protect ass you will never get. It should tell you something that she's nicer to the guy who tortured her than you.
8. Karen Karen Karen. "Are you feeling alright?" In my head, President Wayne replied "Well I did get blown up a few hours ago so I am a tad under the weather." She really is (as Kwame says so often) that annoying chick that you put up with because she's dating your boy.
9. I love the hanging underneath the car ploy, even if it is unrealistic. Then again, I never care about realism, only the entertainment value of things.
10. How can anyone not love a television character that can incapacitate a man in two seconds, shoot a bunch of terrorists then take out the last one while saying "Say hello to your brother." Beautiful. The writers are really toying with the shark jumping line though, with this whole Audrey and the Chinese government story. The greatest television character ever shouldn't be risking his life and everything good he's ever done for his country on questionable ass.
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
1. It was good to get more Jack. The last fight with Fayed was good even though it was a little forced. Also, they dragged the whole "suitcase nukes" story out then rushed to end it the last 2 hours. I did like when Jack hangs Fayed and says "Say hi to your brother."
2. The "fake rescue" gets points for being somewhat new. The execution of it was kind of lame, but good effort by the writers.
3. How many times can they use the "we lost them in the tunnel" scenario? And I know the CTU agents are inept, but one terrorist kills 3 agents in the back of a truck? Come on now.
4. While I called it, I wasn't proud of the "fake nuclear strike". Just shows how predictable they are getting. And really all plots twist involving Wayne are boring. The only interesting character in the White House is Tom.
5. Enough with Milo/Ricky/Nadia. Milo is a disgrace to men everywhere. I think all men have been a little "pre-whipped" over some chick but Milo is just breaking all sorts of whipped records. Doug Christie would be ashamed of this guy. (Ed's note: I am dying over "pre-whipped" it makes you guys sound like creamy potatoes. Damn, now I'm hungry. Also, word. Doug Christie would hand this guy a "Milo" jersey.)
6. It's really too bad The Nine did poorly or we wouldn't have to deal with Audrey. And really, at this point can't the Chinese just call the White House and say "We know Jack is alive, give him back to us?" At the same time, Audrey is the daughter of the Secretary of Defense and had access to all sorts of classified info, you mean to tell me that the White House doesn't know where she is at all times?
March 20, 2007
24 Season Six: Hour Thirteen
24 Season Six: Hour Thirteen
1. Mrs. Graeme Bauer brings new meaning to the phrase "skank ass whore." Hey lady, your father-in-law just killed your husband like 8 minutes ago. Your son is in the other room, having almost been killed himself by his own grandfather. You were shot at a bunch of times. Aren't there other things on your mind besides slipping your tongue down Jack's throat?
2. I'm having difficulty believing that Audrey Raines would go to China and look for Jack. Then again, she did get kind of ballsy at the end of last season. I don't think she's dead though.
3. Agent Doyle's response to Pubes' outrage at Shiny Hair Nadia being racially profiled is the best line of the show. "You're just itching to sleep with her." I accidentally spit out my iced tea when I cheered. Although Pubes lost any chance of Shiny Ass when he failed to assure Nadia that he believed in her innocence.
4. Oh no, there's a mole at CTU! What an original storyline! My money's on Pubes. It's pretty amusing how every season there's one random innocent chick who gets tortured. There's something about Agent Ricky not giving in to Shiny Hair Nadia's womanly tears that makes me respect him.
5. Bill really is the best boss ever. Jack pretty much said "I'm super pissed about this whole Audrey is BIG RED STAMP DECEASED and so I'm going to go out and kill the motherfuckers responsible" and Bill just nodded and gave his "I get that" look.
6. Did anyone else turn to whoever they were with when Agent Ricky said "Do you want me to run point" and scream out "Oh no he didn't!!!!" Balls of steel. You don't ask Jack Bauer if you should run point unless he's dead. Then out of respect you should meekly ask his corpse if you can run point.
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
1. Jack has broken rib fragments and for some reason this season it's some sort of big deal. A few seasons ago Jack was DEAD. Flatlined. Done. Two minutes later he was hot wiring cars and saving the country. Give me the old Jack back please.
2. I get the whole "drone plane" thing, I really do. But couldn't they use some better effects? It looks like the terrorist guy is playing some remix version of Afterburner.
3. You have to love Audrey Raines walking into the dramatic music. Ok no you don't. Actually it's more amusing than anything.
4. My case for why, Marilyn might be the worst person on the planet:
-She's trying to hit it with Jack after her husband died about 3 hours ago
-Her son is still not over the death of his "father" but she's more concerned about banging her ex.
-Jack is still not over the death of her husband who happens to be his brother, and whom he tortured before he died, but she's still trying to bang Jack.
-She tops the whole thing off by basically saying "It's ok to bang me because oh, didn't anyone tell you, your girlfriend is dead."
5. Speaking of Audrey, when Jack asked Chloe asking what happened, I wanted her to say: "Well Jack she joined a show on ABC called The Nine. The show had a decent concept but was poorly executed. Plus, Audrey was just as annoying on that show as she was on 24 and the show was cancelled after about eight episodes."
Also, I call "bullshit" at the idea that Audrey would go to China to try to break Jack out. It's just not believable. This is the same person that couldn't decide between Jack and her husband.
8. Ricky, Ricky, Ricky... Please stop. The tough guy act isn't working. They can't seriously be thinking about turning the 24 franchise over to this guy. That's like when the Giants went from Phil Simms to Dave Brown (Sorry for the football reference, I'm just in withdrawal.)
9. I like the torture scenes more when that metal briefcase is involved. Or when Jack is shooting knee caps or using plastic bags. Traditional choke holds bore me.
10. Ricky how dare you ask if you should run point? Jack ALWAYS runs point. If Jack is missing both arms he runs point. If Jack loses his memory he runs point. If Jack's only weapons are a post-it and a paper clip he runs point.
11. Ok Riss, you're the political science major so answer this for me. Can a President fresh out of a coma make decisions that will affect the security of the country? I have a feeling what the answer is but I want your expert opinion before I jump to any conclusions. (Ed's note: The 25th Amendment says that the Vice-President and Congress can temporarily remove power from a President they believe is not capable of performing his duties. I think being ten feet from a bomb blast that sends him into a coma is a pretty legitimate reason to believe someone might be too mentally impaired to perform the most stressful job in the world. Incidentally, I majored in Business Economics, not poli sci.)
1. Mrs. Graeme Bauer brings new meaning to the phrase "skank ass whore." Hey lady, your father-in-law just killed your husband like 8 minutes ago. Your son is in the other room, having almost been killed himself by his own grandfather. You were shot at a bunch of times. Aren't there other things on your mind besides slipping your tongue down Jack's throat?
2. I'm having difficulty believing that Audrey Raines would go to China and look for Jack. Then again, she did get kind of ballsy at the end of last season. I don't think she's dead though.
3. Agent Doyle's response to Pubes' outrage at Shiny Hair Nadia being racially profiled is the best line of the show. "You're just itching to sleep with her." I accidentally spit out my iced tea when I cheered. Although Pubes lost any chance of Shiny Ass when he failed to assure Nadia that he believed in her innocence.
4. Oh no, there's a mole at CTU! What an original storyline! My money's on Pubes. It's pretty amusing how every season there's one random innocent chick who gets tortured. There's something about Agent Ricky not giving in to Shiny Hair Nadia's womanly tears that makes me respect him.
5. Bill really is the best boss ever. Jack pretty much said "I'm super pissed about this whole Audrey is BIG RED STAMP DECEASED and so I'm going to go out and kill the motherfuckers responsible" and Bill just nodded and gave his "I get that" look.
6. Did anyone else turn to whoever they were with when Agent Ricky said "Do you want me to run point" and scream out "Oh no he didn't!!!!" Balls of steel. You don't ask Jack Bauer if you should run point unless he's dead. Then out of respect you should meekly ask his corpse if you can run point.
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
1. Jack has broken rib fragments and for some reason this season it's some sort of big deal. A few seasons ago Jack was DEAD. Flatlined. Done. Two minutes later he was hot wiring cars and saving the country. Give me the old Jack back please.
2. I get the whole "drone plane" thing, I really do. But couldn't they use some better effects? It looks like the terrorist guy is playing some remix version of Afterburner.
3. You have to love Audrey Raines walking into the dramatic music. Ok no you don't. Actually it's more amusing than anything.
4. My case for why, Marilyn might be the worst person on the planet:
-She's trying to hit it with Jack after her husband died about 3 hours ago
-Her son is still not over the death of his "father" but she's more concerned about banging her ex.
-Jack is still not over the death of her husband who happens to be his brother, and whom he tortured before he died, but she's still trying to bang Jack.
-She tops the whole thing off by basically saying "It's ok to bang me because oh, didn't anyone tell you, your girlfriend is dead."
5. Speaking of Audrey, when Jack asked Chloe asking what happened, I wanted her to say: "Well Jack she joined a show on ABC called The Nine. The show had a decent concept but was poorly executed. Plus, Audrey was just as annoying on that show as she was on 24 and the show was cancelled after about eight episodes."
Also, I call "bullshit" at the idea that Audrey would go to China to try to break Jack out. It's just not believable. This is the same person that couldn't decide between Jack and her husband.
8. Ricky, Ricky, Ricky... Please stop. The tough guy act isn't working. They can't seriously be thinking about turning the 24 franchise over to this guy. That's like when the Giants went from Phil Simms to Dave Brown (Sorry for the football reference, I'm just in withdrawal.)
9. I like the torture scenes more when that metal briefcase is involved. Or when Jack is shooting knee caps or using plastic bags. Traditional choke holds bore me.
10. Ricky how dare you ask if you should run point? Jack ALWAYS runs point. If Jack is missing both arms he runs point. If Jack loses his memory he runs point. If Jack's only weapons are a post-it and a paper clip he runs point.
11. Ok Riss, you're the political science major so answer this for me. Can a President fresh out of a coma make decisions that will affect the security of the country? I have a feeling what the answer is but I want your expert opinion before I jump to any conclusions. (Ed's note: The 25th Amendment says that the Vice-President and Congress can temporarily remove power from a President they believe is not capable of performing his duties. I think being ten feet from a bomb blast that sends him into a coma is a pretty legitimate reason to believe someone might be too mentally impaired to perform the most stressful job in the world. Incidentally, I majored in Business Economics, not poli sci.)
March 14, 2007
24 Season Six: Hour Twelve
24 Season Six: Hour Twelve
(Oh and Happy National Pi Day everyone!! I love random celebratory days. Also, Kaan pointed out that Kwame got a credit on Bill Simmons' latest column so check it out!)
1. It was funny as hell when Chloe said "Sorry, I'm feeling ambivalent. I'm gonna go" to President Logan. It's like the nice version of "I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care..."
2. Ricky Schroeder should just give up on his acting career, for the greater good. I mean seriously, who enjoys having "Here we are face to face a couple of silver spoons" in their head for an entire hour. Also, he's not very convincing as a tough guy. When he started choking Morris I wanted to pinch his cheeks and say "Aww look at you trying to be a tough guy. Who wants some Oreos and milk?"
3. One of the biggest gripes fans have with the show is the fact that the agents get around Los Angeles in about 1/4th the time it would take them in real life. Burbank to Santa Monica in 20 minutes at noon on a Tuesday? Right. My biggest gripe with the show is that people say shit like "Our objective isn't to save Jack Bauer." How about the writers replace that line one day with "Let's organize a tactical assault team to go into the Russian Embassy and save Jack Bauer, since he was instrumental in thwarting the last 5 attacks on the country which tells me he's a pretty important guy to have on your side."
4. Jack upped his kill count but it wasn't as cool as the "We're all clear" kill in last season's finale.
5. "Let's keep our eye on the ball" is probably the most overused phrase in politics. Loosely translated, it means "Shut up and do what I say." I think I'm going to start using it also:
Waiter: Ma'am, I'm not certain we can substitute scalloped potatoes for the french fries. We don't offer scalloped potatoes on the menu.
Me: Just slice the potatoes width-wise instead of length-wise and cover them with a creamy cheese sauce. Let's keep our eye on the ball here okay?
6. Aaron!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Aaron!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaron and... the First Lady Martha. Meh. She's agoraphobic now and yet I feel no sympathy. And the writers are messing with us again, with that whole feeding Aaron a raspberry scene. She's just eating a raspberry and I'm going to hurl. Aaron is the man though, encouraging her to do what's best for the country. The Aaron and Martha pairing is pretty common I bet. Everyone has that one friend with the psycho bitch girlfriend that everyone hates. And you love your friend, but you're resigned to the fact that one day he may be the unwilling participant in a murder-suicide. When she started rambling on I was waiting for someone to hit her with a shovel and yell "It's not all about you you crazy twunt!" Also, why are they letting this crazy broad cut things? It's like letting a pyromaniac tend to the campfire.
7. The VP is so freaking sleazy. If ever an assassination attempt was called for it's now. He's that guy that single-handedly keeps child trafficking rings open through his patronage.
8. The attack on the embassy was awesome, especially since the Russian President had the balls to okay it. Go Yuri, the blinis and Stoli are on me!
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
(24 aka the "Awkward Episode")
1. I was dying over Russian Consulate Guy's bandaged hand. Riss, I tried to see if I could see his pinky in a cup of ice on his desk.
2. It's always good to start the show off with a classic Jack move. Using a belt to disarm the gunman, well done Jack. Welcome back. Well, until the writers make you start doing un-Jack-like things again.
3. You have to love the 24 writers. The Russian Consulate is under threat, Jack Bauer is running loose knocking out power systems and there is a couple making out in the basement. In the 24 world, there is always a random couple hooking up somewhere.
4. Morris is having a really bad day. Kidnapped, drill to the shoulder blade, gives terrorists the ability to kill millions of people, slapped by his ex-wife and now he's about to get bitch-slapped by an aging, soft bodied Ricky Schroeder. Seriously, this guy needs a night out with Riss, Geo, Abel, Steve, Mike J and Tony.
5. Poor Aaron. I think he thought he was going to have a one-night-stand with the First Lady. Two years later he's stuck bring kiwis to this crazy broad. He looks like he lost weight. That's probably automatic when you hook up with a crazy chick.
6. Poor Ambassador to the Random Arab Country. I think the VP made him soil his undergarments. Tom, you've already committed to the lie. Suck it up.
7. *Insert Riss saying/singing "Aaawkwaaaard"* The non-handshake by Aaron was foul but ballsy, considering Logan tried to have him killed. "How does it feel to know Aaron is tapping this?" (Ok, that's not what Martha actually verbalized but it IS what she said). Just awkward moments all around. Oh and the death of Logan didn't move me at all. (Editor's note: It affected me a tad. Am I a total pussy in my old age or what.)
8. Is 24 telling us that major political decisions are made based on the 5 minute conversations of a crazy former first lady and a Russian first lady who has no clue what's going on? Seriously?
9. Blond Assistant to the VP seems shady. (Ed's Note: All people who do gangbang pron seem shady when you meet them in their clothing.)
(Oh and Happy National Pi Day everyone!! I love random celebratory days. Also, Kaan pointed out that Kwame got a credit on Bill Simmons' latest column so check it out!)
1. It was funny as hell when Chloe said "Sorry, I'm feeling ambivalent. I'm gonna go" to President Logan. It's like the nice version of "I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care..."
2. Ricky Schroeder should just give up on his acting career, for the greater good. I mean seriously, who enjoys having "Here we are face to face a couple of silver spoons" in their head for an entire hour. Also, he's not very convincing as a tough guy. When he started choking Morris I wanted to pinch his cheeks and say "Aww look at you trying to be a tough guy. Who wants some Oreos and milk?"
3. One of the biggest gripes fans have with the show is the fact that the agents get around Los Angeles in about 1/4th the time it would take them in real life. Burbank to Santa Monica in 20 minutes at noon on a Tuesday? Right. My biggest gripe with the show is that people say shit like "Our objective isn't to save Jack Bauer." How about the writers replace that line one day with "Let's organize a tactical assault team to go into the Russian Embassy and save Jack Bauer, since he was instrumental in thwarting the last 5 attacks on the country which tells me he's a pretty important guy to have on your side."
4. Jack upped his kill count but it wasn't as cool as the "We're all clear" kill in last season's finale.
5. "Let's keep our eye on the ball" is probably the most overused phrase in politics. Loosely translated, it means "Shut up and do what I say." I think I'm going to start using it also:
Waiter: Ma'am, I'm not certain we can substitute scalloped potatoes for the french fries. We don't offer scalloped potatoes on the menu.
Me: Just slice the potatoes width-wise instead of length-wise and cover them with a creamy cheese sauce. Let's keep our eye on the ball here okay?
6. Aaron!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Aaron!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaron and... the First Lady Martha. Meh. She's agoraphobic now and yet I feel no sympathy. And the writers are messing with us again, with that whole feeding Aaron a raspberry scene. She's just eating a raspberry and I'm going to hurl. Aaron is the man though, encouraging her to do what's best for the country. The Aaron and Martha pairing is pretty common I bet. Everyone has that one friend with the psycho bitch girlfriend that everyone hates. And you love your friend, but you're resigned to the fact that one day he may be the unwilling participant in a murder-suicide. When she started rambling on I was waiting for someone to hit her with a shovel and yell "It's not all about you you crazy twunt!" Also, why are they letting this crazy broad cut things? It's like letting a pyromaniac tend to the campfire.
7. The VP is so freaking sleazy. If ever an assassination attempt was called for it's now. He's that guy that single-handedly keeps child trafficking rings open through his patronage.
8. The attack on the embassy was awesome, especially since the Russian President had the balls to okay it. Go Yuri, the blinis and Stoli are on me!
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
(24 aka the "Awkward Episode")
1. I was dying over Russian Consulate Guy's bandaged hand. Riss, I tried to see if I could see his pinky in a cup of ice on his desk.
2. It's always good to start the show off with a classic Jack move. Using a belt to disarm the gunman, well done Jack. Welcome back. Well, until the writers make you start doing un-Jack-like things again.
3. You have to love the 24 writers. The Russian Consulate is under threat, Jack Bauer is running loose knocking out power systems and there is a couple making out in the basement. In the 24 world, there is always a random couple hooking up somewhere.
4. Morris is having a really bad day. Kidnapped, drill to the shoulder blade, gives terrorists the ability to kill millions of people, slapped by his ex-wife and now he's about to get bitch-slapped by an aging, soft bodied Ricky Schroeder. Seriously, this guy needs a night out with Riss, Geo, Abel, Steve, Mike J and Tony.
5. Poor Aaron. I think he thought he was going to have a one-night-stand with the First Lady. Two years later he's stuck bring kiwis to this crazy broad. He looks like he lost weight. That's probably automatic when you hook up with a crazy chick.
6. Poor Ambassador to the Random Arab Country. I think the VP made him soil his undergarments. Tom, you've already committed to the lie. Suck it up.
7. *Insert Riss saying/singing "Aaawkwaaaard"* The non-handshake by Aaron was foul but ballsy, considering Logan tried to have him killed. "How does it feel to know Aaron is tapping this?" (Ok, that's not what Martha actually verbalized but it IS what she said). Just awkward moments all around. Oh and the death of Logan didn't move me at all. (Editor's note: It affected me a tad. Am I a total pussy in my old age or what.)
8. Is 24 telling us that major political decisions are made based on the 5 minute conversations of a crazy former first lady and a Russian first lady who has no clue what's going on? Seriously?
9. Blond Assistant to the VP seems shady. (Ed's Note: All people who do gangbang pron seem shady when you meet them in their clothing.)
March 8, 2007
24 Season Six: Hour Twelve
24 Season Six: Hour Twelve
(Better late than never eh?)
1. Logan said that because he's been under house arrest at his estate, he understands what it must have been like for Jack to be in a Chinese prison for 18 months. That's like someone saying they know what it feels like to be stabbed because they've gotten a splinter.
2. I felt nothing when they showed President Wayne on the surgical table. When President Palmer got assassinated it was like a punch in the gut.
3. Jack is too cool for sarcasm. When Logan said "I'm only trying to help" I would have been like "Roooiiiight. That bullet to David Palmer's forehead was mighty helpful. Thanks for that."
4. How did the Russian Consulate actor get his left eye to twitch like that on demand? Logan would ask him a question, the Consulate would lie and then his eye would actually twitch. It was pretty nifty. Talk about method acting.
5. Jack learned something from the Chinese embassy fiasco apparently, since he had Chloe take out the power and thus the surveillance cameras. By the way, that's all it takes to break into a foreign embassy surrounded with armed guards, just tell them someone told you to guard the back of the building?
6. I felt an extreme moment of envy when Karen was watching the news on her cell phone. I'm just happy when my cell gets service.
7. Is it wrong that I got a little turned on by watching Jack torture someone while in a business suit? It's like the "hot librarian" phenomenon for men, multiplied by a hundred because this hot librarian could kill you with a post-it note. I'm a bit bothered though, did the writers have Jack thinking he was just going to walk out of the room after chopping the Russian Consulate's finger off and things would be cool?
8. As part of Lennox's new rules limiting civil liberties, are they going to detain Nadia? Because you know, I'm not certain she'll be able to take her John Frieda Brilliant Brunette Light Reflecting Conditioner with her.
9. Apparently John Cage's inability to be stealthy is infectious, since the Random Russian Agent caught it. In the future, when reporting your own Consulate for terrorist activities while actually IN the Russian embassy, check to make sure no one's behind you and that you closed the door.
10. In between briefings and cabinet meetings, the Vice-President is putting it to that blonde in the conference room.
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
24: Hour Something Something
1. It is comical that nobody notices that Reid/Chad Mole is just hanging out messing with his cell phone, while everyone is rushing around to secure the injured President. And seriously, there are no surveillance cameras in that room? I still feel nothing knowing that Fake President Palmer is hurt.
2. You know how sometimes you say something stupid like "I'm so poor" then you see something on television about legitimately poor people and you feel stupid? Well that's how Logan had to feel when mentioning how bad it is to be under house arrest when Jack is about 15 hours removed from being tortured in some dreary prison in China. Yeah Logan, being stuck at home watching reruns of Law and Order is cruel and unusual punishment.
3. The scene when Tom, Chad Mole and the other ultra Patriot guy come stumbling out of that boiler room looked like they just finished having a crazy threesome. It was like Girls Gone Wild but with White House staff guys. (Editor's note: Hey that would be a great name for a gay pron, "White House Staffs.")
4. The more they show her the more I remember that I'm not really a fan of Karen Hayes. She's that girlfriend that you are nice to because she is dating one of your boys (in this case Bill Buchanan.)
5. It still baffles me that when Jack's name is mentioned, people don't immediately know who he is. When Bill says "Logan is being escorted by Jack Bauer" to the Vice President he should say something like "Oh we are in fine hands then. By the way, when did we get him out of China?"
6. When the Russian consulate guy kept talking about "Sovereignty" Jack should have said something like "Sovereignty, Shmovreignty give up the info or you going to start losing little piggies." I wonder if that guy's pinky is still on the floor. (Ed's note: When this guy accidentally chopped his finger off in college, we had to look for it then pack it in ice. So I assume his pinky is in a cup of ice.)
7. I hate it when the bad guy gets that cheap stomach punch in after his boys have jumped the good guy and he's helpless. Just bugs me. (Ed's note: Word.)
8. They are really making Jack slip this season. In seasons past he would have somehow gotten the location of the Russian guy to CTU immediately.
(Better late than never eh?)
1. Logan said that because he's been under house arrest at his estate, he understands what it must have been like for Jack to be in a Chinese prison for 18 months. That's like someone saying they know what it feels like to be stabbed because they've gotten a splinter.
2. I felt nothing when they showed President Wayne on the surgical table. When President Palmer got assassinated it was like a punch in the gut.
3. Jack is too cool for sarcasm. When Logan said "I'm only trying to help" I would have been like "Roooiiiight. That bullet to David Palmer's forehead was mighty helpful. Thanks for that."
4. How did the Russian Consulate actor get his left eye to twitch like that on demand? Logan would ask him a question, the Consulate would lie and then his eye would actually twitch. It was pretty nifty. Talk about method acting.
5. Jack learned something from the Chinese embassy fiasco apparently, since he had Chloe take out the power and thus the surveillance cameras. By the way, that's all it takes to break into a foreign embassy surrounded with armed guards, just tell them someone told you to guard the back of the building?
6. I felt an extreme moment of envy when Karen was watching the news on her cell phone. I'm just happy when my cell gets service.
7. Is it wrong that I got a little turned on by watching Jack torture someone while in a business suit? It's like the "hot librarian" phenomenon for men, multiplied by a hundred because this hot librarian could kill you with a post-it note. I'm a bit bothered though, did the writers have Jack thinking he was just going to walk out of the room after chopping the Russian Consulate's finger off and things would be cool?
8. As part of Lennox's new rules limiting civil liberties, are they going to detain Nadia? Because you know, I'm not certain she'll be able to take her John Frieda Brilliant Brunette Light Reflecting Conditioner with her.
9. Apparently John Cage's inability to be stealthy is infectious, since the Random Russian Agent caught it. In the future, when reporting your own Consulate for terrorist activities while actually IN the Russian embassy, check to make sure no one's behind you and that you closed the door.
10. In between briefings and cabinet meetings, the Vice-President is putting it to that blonde in the conference room.
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
24: Hour Something Something
1. It is comical that nobody notices that Reid/Chad Mole is just hanging out messing with his cell phone, while everyone is rushing around to secure the injured President. And seriously, there are no surveillance cameras in that room? I still feel nothing knowing that Fake President Palmer is hurt.
2. You know how sometimes you say something stupid like "I'm so poor" then you see something on television about legitimately poor people and you feel stupid? Well that's how Logan had to feel when mentioning how bad it is to be under house arrest when Jack is about 15 hours removed from being tortured in some dreary prison in China. Yeah Logan, being stuck at home watching reruns of Law and Order is cruel and unusual punishment.
3. The scene when Tom, Chad Mole and the other ultra Patriot guy come stumbling out of that boiler room looked like they just finished having a crazy threesome. It was like Girls Gone Wild but with White House staff guys. (Editor's note: Hey that would be a great name for a gay pron, "White House Staffs.")
4. The more they show her the more I remember that I'm not really a fan of Karen Hayes. She's that girlfriend that you are nice to because she is dating one of your boys (in this case Bill Buchanan.)
5. It still baffles me that when Jack's name is mentioned, people don't immediately know who he is. When Bill says "Logan is being escorted by Jack Bauer" to the Vice President he should say something like "Oh we are in fine hands then. By the way, when did we get him out of China?"
6. When the Russian consulate guy kept talking about "Sovereignty" Jack should have said something like "Sovereignty, Shmovreignty give up the info or you going to start losing little piggies." I wonder if that guy's pinky is still on the floor. (Ed's note: When this guy accidentally chopped his finger off in college, we had to look for it then pack it in ice. So I assume his pinky is in a cup of ice.)
7. I hate it when the bad guy gets that cheap stomach punch in after his boys have jumped the good guy and he's helpless. Just bugs me. (Ed's note: Word.)
8. They are really making Jack slip this season. In seasons past he would have somehow gotten the location of the Russian guy to CTU immediately.
February 26, 2007
24 Season Six: Hour Eleven
24 Season Six: Hour Eleven
(Don't have much this week, missed snippets here and there. I'm hoping Kwame can pick up the slack, if he was even able to watch it being that he's a new daddy and all!)
1. You know it's bad when Jack has to say "Marilyn, you have to go" which loosely translated means "Hey Dead Brother's Wife, I know we've swapped bodily fluids in the past but right now I am trying to stop nuclear bombs from exploding so can you please stop eyefucking me and get in the car. Thanks."
2. It was fun to watch President Wayne get all gangsta on the random ambassador from whatever random Middle Eastern country. In my head he said "Don't make me smack a bitch."
3. Even when she's just doing her job, Nadia is annoying as hell. It's probably because it isn't exactly apparent yet what exactly she does. She doesn't do anything technical. She doesn't make decisions. She doesn't do paperwork. She doesn't go in the field. She doesn't interrogate anyone, prepare clearance packages or answer the phone. What exactly does she do again?
4. Where did the Jack business suit magically come from? It was probably in the man bag, along with his usual flash bangs, grenades, semis and surface-to-air rocket launcher.
5. I think my 7-year-old nephew could have built a better bomb than that, but it seems to have done some damage.
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
This might have been the first episode this season that didn't really keep my interest. Maybe this episode was just lame or it could have been because my wife and daughter were both asleep on me at the same time, rendering me helpless for two hours. Thank God I have strong bladder control and shows from last week still on my DVR.
1. Sorry Marilyn, Jack is not going back with you to CTU. There will be no heavy petting in the situation room, at least not this hour.
2. When Jack put his hand on Marilyn's cheek and said "I see you in him, it's his eyes" I pictured him saying in his head "18 months in a Chinese prison and I STILL got game."
3. Okay I'm getting to the point where I want Morris openly mixing drinks at his desk just so we can move past this story line. The first person he should offer a shot of tequila to is Nadia. (Editor's note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA at the thought of Morris opening a bar from his workstation. "Hmmm... what would go down just right with a few clearance packages? Oh yes, I'll take a Jack and Coke please. What, I'll be working with Nadia? Make that a double.")
4. Nadia is extremely annoying. Good to see Buchannan shut her down with a cold "Your opinion is noted Nadia." She's that girl that would go to extreme measures to try and get other kids to get in trouble with the teacher back in 4th grade.
Nadia: Ms. Jackson, Mike is using a brown crayon.
Teacher: That's ok Nadia.
Nadia: But you said to use COPPER, not BROWN!! *tears*
5. I too questioned the random, well-tailored and pressed Jack Bauer suit. I also question how well groomed Jack is at this point. The guy has been running around California trying to capture family members, defusing bombs, rescuing people from burning helicopters and kicking terrorists through subway doors but he looks freshly moisturized and exfoliated, with his hair perfectly in place.
6. Chad Mole and John Cage have a "Single White Female" dynamic developing.
7. Never have I been so unmoved by a President facing death. Even the random President that got injured when Air Force One got shot down (the Nuclear Football season) whose name I forget moved me more than Wayne Palmer getting injured. (Ed's note: Hey, that President rocked. Remember those scenes with his son?)
(Don't have much this week, missed snippets here and there. I'm hoping Kwame can pick up the slack, if he was even able to watch it being that he's a new daddy and all!)
1. You know it's bad when Jack has to say "Marilyn, you have to go" which loosely translated means "Hey Dead Brother's Wife, I know we've swapped bodily fluids in the past but right now I am trying to stop nuclear bombs from exploding so can you please stop eyefucking me and get in the car. Thanks."
2. It was fun to watch President Wayne get all gangsta on the random ambassador from whatever random Middle Eastern country. In my head he said "Don't make me smack a bitch."
3. Even when she's just doing her job, Nadia is annoying as hell. It's probably because it isn't exactly apparent yet what exactly she does. She doesn't do anything technical. She doesn't make decisions. She doesn't do paperwork. She doesn't go in the field. She doesn't interrogate anyone, prepare clearance packages or answer the phone. What exactly does she do again?
4. Where did the Jack business suit magically come from? It was probably in the man bag, along with his usual flash bangs, grenades, semis and surface-to-air rocket launcher.
5. I think my 7-year-old nephew could have built a better bomb than that, but it seems to have done some damage.
Okay this cracked me up. And also makes me smile because I heart Jack and Shabe!
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
This might have been the first episode this season that didn't really keep my interest. Maybe this episode was just lame or it could have been because my wife and daughter were both asleep on me at the same time, rendering me helpless for two hours. Thank God I have strong bladder control and shows from last week still on my DVR.
1. Sorry Marilyn, Jack is not going back with you to CTU. There will be no heavy petting in the situation room, at least not this hour.
2. When Jack put his hand on Marilyn's cheek and said "I see you in him, it's his eyes" I pictured him saying in his head "18 months in a Chinese prison and I STILL got game."
3. Okay I'm getting to the point where I want Morris openly mixing drinks at his desk just so we can move past this story line. The first person he should offer a shot of tequila to is Nadia. (Editor's note: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA at the thought of Morris opening a bar from his workstation. "Hmmm... what would go down just right with a few clearance packages? Oh yes, I'll take a Jack and Coke please. What, I'll be working with Nadia? Make that a double.")
4. Nadia is extremely annoying. Good to see Buchannan shut her down with a cold "Your opinion is noted Nadia." She's that girl that would go to extreme measures to try and get other kids to get in trouble with the teacher back in 4th grade.
Nadia: Ms. Jackson, Mike is using a brown crayon.
Teacher: That's ok Nadia.
Nadia: But you said to use COPPER, not BROWN!! *tears*
5. I too questioned the random, well-tailored and pressed Jack Bauer suit. I also question how well groomed Jack is at this point. The guy has been running around California trying to capture family members, defusing bombs, rescuing people from burning helicopters and kicking terrorists through subway doors but he looks freshly moisturized and exfoliated, with his hair perfectly in place.
6. Chad Mole and John Cage have a "Single White Female" dynamic developing.
7. Never have I been so unmoved by a President facing death. Even the random President that got injured when Air Force One got shot down (the Nuclear Football season) whose name I forget moved me more than Wayne Palmer getting injured. (Ed's note: Hey, that President rocked. Remember those scenes with his son?)
February 22, 2007
Talk To The Ham
Talk To The Ham
Do you guys remember how I'm a Law and Order freak, and also my television post and also my "Laminated Top 5 List" a la Friends? Good. Then you'll understand the significance of this:
So, I call out "Excuse me" and he stops and turns and I say "Ummm are you Jesse" and I was going to finish his name but it kind of just trailed off because I realized he was. And he says "yes" and walks over and I say "Oh my God, I love you." YES!!!!!!! Good one, Riss, and not freaky AT ALL. I amend it to say that I love his work, etc, and he asks me my name and we chat. He actually thought I knew him personally or something. I ask if I can pop inside and get my camera, and he agrees, so I walk to the doorway then literally RUN once I'm through the door. I rush to the table, throw out "OhMyGodJesseLMartinIsOutside" to the guys and grab my camera.
Meanwhile, outside, Abel is talking to Jesse just to make sure he doesn't leave. He tells him that every time he comes to my house, I've got all the Law and Orders Tivo'd. Mike and Steve follow me outside, we chat some more (he is a really nice guy) and then Abel takes the best picture ever. The cutest part of everything is that I was super giddy the rest of the night, and my four best friends were giddy too, just because they were so happy for me. I tried to stop randomly bursting into a huge smile and they were all like "Why are you trying to chill, enjoy it Riss." I love you guys!
Some other notes:
1. After the Cringe Humor comedy show (which was good), Mike and Tony dropped me, Abel and Steve off at Steve's place, where there was no liquor. Actually, there was dessert wine and (old I think) champagne. NOW, there's no more liquor.
2. We drunk dialed Maz. The Drunken Plan Maker strikes again and I think I somehow agreed to go to Australia next month for a week.
3. Abel loves to play Marvel Ultimate Alliance on 360 but it's too long of a name to keep saying so we just call the game "Coins" now.
4. Steve and I have been trying to find the grossest shot ever. So far it stands at tequila and bran flakes, which is extra disgusting because at the end of the shot, the pile of bran flakes has to be crunched and it tastes like solidified tequila chunks. Blech. Tequila and ketchup wasn't too bad though.
5. The waitresses and bartenders at The Patriot are SMOKIN. Our waitress Natalie was especially easy on the eyes AND a sweetheart. The owner is the same guy who owns Hogs and Heifers and Coyote Ugly and he rotates his staff. The regular bartender wasn't there though, and according to Mike she usually just wears tassles.
6. The bar played all country music, but had a few other CDs in the jukebox. Someone put on Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Have You Ever Seen The Rain" and all of us just leaned back and let me music wash over us. That song will forever remind me of one of the best nights ever.
7. I got to meet Heide's BFF Tim for the first time, and he rocks. They have matching tattoos, which you know, my goal is to eventually get a dragon on all my boyz. Tony's done, Abel will be soon and Geo will probably have it some time this year. Which leaves Steve and Mike. Heh. Mike's will be the size of a nickel and Steve's will be brown and located in his armpit.
8. Mike had to drive so he couldn't finish his Guinness. Tony didn't want it, so I turned it into an "Irish car bomb" (which you know, until that moment I hadn't thought about what a foul name that is for a drink) which is when you drop a shot of Baileys into the Guinness and down it. After I finished, Mike and Abel were just sitting there staring.
Abel: Dude, you're a fucking soldier.
Mike: I'll never be at your level.
9. Steve made us all personalized cookies. Mike's has a mustang on it, Tony's has a basketball, Abel's is in the shape of a heart (per his own request, "You know how I know you're gay..."), Geo's has a computer on it, Steve's has the symbol for Pi on it with I think 3.14159265 around it, Angelina's has a flower on it, Faith's has a smiley face on it and mine has a ham on it, because I'm lusting after a shirt that says "Talk to the ham" and a picture of a ham.
Do you guys remember how I'm a Law and Order freak, and also my television post and also my "Laminated Top 5 List" a la Friends? Good. Then you'll understand the significance of this:
Why is it that when people take pictures with celebrities, they pose as if
they're standing in Greece, next to an urn from the Hellenic period.
So, I call out "Excuse me" and he stops and turns and I say "Ummm are you Jesse" and I was going to finish his name but it kind of just trailed off because I realized he was. And he says "yes" and walks over and I say "Oh my God, I love you." YES!!!!!!! Good one, Riss, and not freaky AT ALL. I amend it to say that I love his work, etc, and he asks me my name and we chat. He actually thought I knew him personally or something. I ask if I can pop inside and get my camera, and he agrees, so I walk to the doorway then literally RUN once I'm through the door. I rush to the table, throw out "OhMyGodJesseLMartinIsOutside" to the guys and grab my camera.
Meanwhile, outside, Abel is talking to Jesse just to make sure he doesn't leave. He tells him that every time he comes to my house, I've got all the Law and Orders Tivo'd. Mike and Steve follow me outside, we chat some more (he is a really nice guy) and then Abel takes the best picture ever. The cutest part of everything is that I was super giddy the rest of the night, and my four best friends were giddy too, just because they were so happy for me. I tried to stop randomly bursting into a huge smile and they were all like "Why are you trying to chill, enjoy it Riss." I love you guys!
Some other notes:
1. After the Cringe Humor comedy show (which was good), Mike and Tony dropped me, Abel and Steve off at Steve's place, where there was no liquor. Actually, there was dessert wine and (old I think) champagne. NOW, there's no more liquor.
2. We drunk dialed Maz. The Drunken Plan Maker strikes again and I think I somehow agreed to go to Australia next month for a week.
3. Abel loves to play Marvel Ultimate Alliance on 360 but it's too long of a name to keep saying so we just call the game "Coins" now.
4. Steve and I have been trying to find the grossest shot ever. So far it stands at tequila and bran flakes, which is extra disgusting because at the end of the shot, the pile of bran flakes has to be crunched and it tastes like solidified tequila chunks. Blech. Tequila and ketchup wasn't too bad though.
5. The waitresses and bartenders at The Patriot are SMOKIN. Our waitress Natalie was especially easy on the eyes AND a sweetheart. The owner is the same guy who owns Hogs and Heifers and Coyote Ugly and he rotates his staff. The regular bartender wasn't there though, and according to Mike she usually just wears tassles.
6. The bar played all country music, but had a few other CDs in the jukebox. Someone put on Creedence Clearwater Revival's "Have You Ever Seen The Rain" and all of us just leaned back and let me music wash over us. That song will forever remind me of one of the best nights ever.
7. I got to meet Heide's BFF Tim for the first time, and he rocks. They have matching tattoos, which you know, my goal is to eventually get a dragon on all my boyz. Tony's done, Abel will be soon and Geo will probably have it some time this year. Which leaves Steve and Mike. Heh. Mike's will be the size of a nickel and Steve's will be brown and located in his armpit.
8. Mike had to drive so he couldn't finish his Guinness. Tony didn't want it, so I turned it into an "Irish car bomb" (which you know, until that moment I hadn't thought about what a foul name that is for a drink) which is when you drop a shot of Baileys into the Guinness and down it. After I finished, Mike and Abel were just sitting there staring.
Abel: Dude, you're a fucking soldier.
Mike: I'll never be at your level.
9. Steve made us all personalized cookies. Mike's has a mustang on it, Tony's has a basketball, Abel's is in the shape of a heart (per his own request, "You know how I know you're gay..."), Geo's has a computer on it, Steve's has the symbol for Pi on it with I think 3.14159265 around it, Angelina's has a flower on it, Faith's has a smiley face on it and mine has a ham on it, because I'm lusting after a shirt that says "Talk to the ham" and a picture of a ham.
I look like an alien in this pic, or like my head is on backwards. "TALK TO THE HAM!!!"
February 19, 2007
24 Season Six: Hour Ten
24 Season Six: Hour Ten
*** Tuesday edit: We interrupt this 24 commentary to let readers know that there won't be an analysis from Kwame this week because his wife Kesha went into labor this morning!!!!! ***
5:55 p.m. update: Kwame's baby girl is here!!!!! Hooray!!!
Next day update: Okay never mind on the whole "Kwame won't post an analysis" thing, he tossed one into the comments which has been appended to the bottom of this post. I really should have known. If 24 had been on when I popped out the girls, I would have been laying on the operating table with a laptop on my chest. "We're going to administer the spinal anesthesia now." "Go ahead, I can still type while you do it."
1. It's amusing that Nadia decided to ask Morris to de-brief Milo or whatever. Nadia should be the one to de-brief him, being that she apparently has limited computer skills and is in fact a glorified messenger.
2. I thought Morris was going to go get a heroin fix in, a la Jack in Season Three. Whiskey seems more appropriate though since it's easily obtained. When Morris took a drink of whiskey then spat it out I was both relieved and appalled. Relieved because it's probably not a good idea to be wasted at CTU on a day when terrorists have detonated a nuclear bomb on American soil and are threatening to detonate more. Appalled because really, is that any excuse for wasting single malt whiskey.
3. When Jack asked Mrs. Graeme Bauer to put aside her natural fear of putting her son in danger, she said something to the effect of "Okay Jack." The rest of the sentence was "Okay Jack, but only because I love your cock so much and wish it was in my mouth right now."
4. Maybe I am just Monday morning quarterbacking here, but if I overheard my scary ass grandfather threatening to kill me, my ass would be out the door and running down the emergency stairs faster than a fat dog in Korea, covered in soy sauce.
5. There should be a new 24 drinking game. People should take a shot every time they have to yell "FOCUS, you slut" at Mrs. Grame Bauer, because she's making googly eyes at Jack when she should be, oh, worried about her son being in the clutches of her murderous father-in-law.
6. Which segues nicely into the fact that Jack's dad really is a badass. Another drinking game people could play, would be to take a shot every time Jack has to surrender himself unarmed to someone.
7. With all the wonderful one-liners the writers bless upon John Cage, I guess the trade-off is that he's completely unstealthy. You're about to blow the whistle on a presidential assassination attempt. A little discretion is called for. Pretend you're Bill Clinton whispering "Here darlin, put this Air Force One towel on the floor so you don't bruise those pretty knees" in that little room next to the Oval Office.
8. Pubes didn't "hold off three armed men," they got him and were about to kill him when Jack saved his ass. Plus, no one took a masonry drill to his back. Apples and oranges.
9. "Do you know how to use this?" "No." "Point and shoot." Heh.
10. "FOCUS, you slut!!!!" Jack is about to give himself up for your son, who you may or may not get back alive. Now is not the time to cup Jack's face with your hands and eyefuck him, twice.
11. It was amusing when Jack called out "Dad??" It's as if he was coming home in the middle of a school day and checking to see if anyone was there before he brought his pothead friends in. I think once you learn that your father killed your brother, the former President who you respected above all men, one of your closest friends and his wife, he officially goes from being "Dad" to "Philip."
12. Jack's on his knees and facing certain death but he's still going to have his say, and still going to dictate the bullet to his head on his own terms. "Okay, I'm ready."
13. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Charles Logan is back and apparently wants to see his First Lady again. They better give out some warning if we loyal viewers are going to be subjected to some more First Lady tongue action again. I have to make sure that whatever I eat before the show won't taste too bad on the way back up.
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
Thanks for all the well wishes. Mom and baby are doing well. My wife is a champ.
On to more important matters, some quick 24 notes before heading back to the hospital:
1. Maryland is a solid 1000 on the annoying scale. Never have I yelled at or called a female a bitch more often than I did while watching her Monday. Between not running when Milo told her to, hoping Jack would look at her while undressing, to not knowing how to use a gun, she is on the verge of breaking all of Kim Bauer's records for annoying behavior in one season of a TV show (which should be a category in the Golden Globes). (Editor's note: It occurs to me that we may be being a bit harsh on Mrs. Graeme Bauer, considering the object of her acute lust is JACK BAUER. Of course he inspires this type of quivering idiocy in members of the opposite sex. He inspires it in men, animals, insects and house plants as well.)
2. Despite hating him, I must admit that Jack's dad is bad ass. The only thing that could have made him cooler is if he said to his grandson "get over here before a bust a cap in your ass." Well not really but you get the point.
3. Milo is that co worker who gets named employee of the month for NOT messing things up. Not to get on him too much because I know he's not a field agent, but seriously let's not elect him to the 24 Hall of Fame just yet. (Ed's note: WORD. Can people please jump down and back slowly away from the Pubes Bandwagon. Pubes is one of those characters you just dislike, for no reason.)
4. I'm upset with how badly the 24 writers have messed up Tom with that poor display. He's been smooth and witty for 9 hours and they threw it all away.
5. Logan? Really? Of course the writers will some how get me to like him but still, Logan? Sigh...
*** Tuesday edit: We interrupt this 24 commentary to let readers know that there won't be an analysis from Kwame this week because his wife Kesha went into labor this morning!!!!! ***
5:55 p.m. update: Kwame's baby girl is here!!!!! Hooray!!!
Next day update: Okay never mind on the whole "Kwame won't post an analysis" thing, he tossed one into the comments which has been appended to the bottom of this post. I really should have known. If 24 had been on when I popped out the girls, I would have been laying on the operating table with a laptop on my chest. "We're going to administer the spinal anesthesia now." "Go ahead, I can still type while you do it."
1. It's amusing that Nadia decided to ask Morris to de-brief Milo or whatever. Nadia should be the one to de-brief him, being that she apparently has limited computer skills and is in fact a glorified messenger.
2. I thought Morris was going to go get a heroin fix in, a la Jack in Season Three. Whiskey seems more appropriate though since it's easily obtained. When Morris took a drink of whiskey then spat it out I was both relieved and appalled. Relieved because it's probably not a good idea to be wasted at CTU on a day when terrorists have detonated a nuclear bomb on American soil and are threatening to detonate more. Appalled because really, is that any excuse for wasting single malt whiskey.
3. When Jack asked Mrs. Graeme Bauer to put aside her natural fear of putting her son in danger, she said something to the effect of "Okay Jack." The rest of the sentence was "Okay Jack, but only because I love your cock so much and wish it was in my mouth right now."
4. Maybe I am just Monday morning quarterbacking here, but if I overheard my scary ass grandfather threatening to kill me, my ass would be out the door and running down the emergency stairs faster than a fat dog in Korea, covered in soy sauce.
5. There should be a new 24 drinking game. People should take a shot every time they have to yell "FOCUS, you slut" at Mrs. Grame Bauer, because she's making googly eyes at Jack when she should be, oh, worried about her son being in the clutches of her murderous father-in-law.
6. Which segues nicely into the fact that Jack's dad really is a badass. Another drinking game people could play, would be to take a shot every time Jack has to surrender himself unarmed to someone.
7. With all the wonderful one-liners the writers bless upon John Cage, I guess the trade-off is that he's completely unstealthy. You're about to blow the whistle on a presidential assassination attempt. A little discretion is called for. Pretend you're Bill Clinton whispering "Here darlin, put this Air Force One towel on the floor so you don't bruise those pretty knees" in that little room next to the Oval Office.
8. Pubes didn't "hold off three armed men," they got him and were about to kill him when Jack saved his ass. Plus, no one took a masonry drill to his back. Apples and oranges.
9. "Do you know how to use this?" "No." "Point and shoot." Heh.
10. "FOCUS, you slut!!!!" Jack is about to give himself up for your son, who you may or may not get back alive. Now is not the time to cup Jack's face with your hands and eyefuck him, twice.
11. It was amusing when Jack called out "Dad??" It's as if he was coming home in the middle of a school day and checking to see if anyone was there before he brought his pothead friends in. I think once you learn that your father killed your brother, the former President who you respected above all men, one of your closest friends and his wife, he officially goes from being "Dad" to "Philip."
12. Jack's on his knees and facing certain death but he's still going to have his say, and still going to dictate the bullet to his head on his own terms. "Okay, I'm ready."
13. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Charles Logan is back and apparently wants to see his First Lady again. They better give out some warning if we loyal viewers are going to be subjected to some more First Lady tongue action again. I have to make sure that whatever I eat before the show won't taste too bad on the way back up.
Kwame's 24 Thoughts
Thanks for all the well wishes. Mom and baby are doing well. My wife is a champ.
On to more important matters, some quick 24 notes before heading back to the hospital:
1. Maryland is a solid 1000 on the annoying scale. Never have I yelled at or called a female a bitch more often than I did while watching her Monday. Between not running when Milo told her to, hoping Jack would look at her while undressing, to not knowing how to use a gun, she is on the verge of breaking all of Kim Bauer's records for annoying behavior in one season of a TV show (which should be a category in the Golden Globes). (Editor's note: It occurs to me that we may be being a bit harsh on Mrs. Graeme Bauer, considering the object of her acute lust is JACK BAUER. Of course he inspires this type of quivering idiocy in members of the opposite sex. He inspires it in men, animals, insects and house plants as well.)
2. Despite hating him, I must admit that Jack's dad is bad ass. The only thing that could have made him cooler is if he said to his grandson "get over here before a bust a cap in your ass." Well not really but you get the point.
3. Milo is that co worker who gets named employee of the month for NOT messing things up. Not to get on him too much because I know he's not a field agent, but seriously let's not elect him to the 24 Hall of Fame just yet. (Ed's note: WORD. Can people please jump down and back slowly away from the Pubes Bandwagon. Pubes is one of those characters you just dislike, for no reason.)
4. I'm upset with how badly the 24 writers have messed up Tom with that poor display. He's been smooth and witty for 9 hours and they threw it all away.
5. Logan? Really? Of course the writers will some how get me to like him but still, Logan? Sigh...
February 5, 2007
24 Season Six: Hour Seven
24 Season Six: Hour Seven
1. The look on Papa Bauer's face after Jack berated him for shooting to kill was priceless. Although Jack getting on someone for killing someone who was trying to kill him is like me yelling at someone for drinking too much.
2. The Petulant Girlfriend of the guy trying to find the device to arm the nukes cracks me up. She's like a human poodle.
3. The Bauers take the term "dysfunctional family" to astronomical levels. They make those random hick families where the wife is also the sister and the daughter of her husband look well-adjusted.
4. I hate the maidenly outrage the women in Jack's life are prone to. Armed men just broke into her home, led by her brother-in-law, but all Mrs. Graeme Bauer cares about is that here is the man who stuck it in, planted a seed and bounced. "I've seen what happens when you try to protect people." Ouch. Why do women always have to hit below the belt. There should be a law that states that whenever you use a guy's dead wife to hurt him, he should be allowed to use the toilet, then stick your head in it for awhile. Of course, in her defense she's better than Audrey Raines. Chase's disembodied arm is better than Audrey Raines.
5. The look on the Torture Drug Agent's face when Jack told him to get the interrogation kit was priceless. It said something along the lines of "Holy fuck, this guy's going to torture his own brother? This I gotta see." The torture scene itself was insane, with Jack alternately hugging his brother and ordering the agent to push more ccs of the torture drug. And to think I used to get mad when my sister ate the last glazed donut. Dr. Romano Bauer took his medicine pretty well though, I guess be able to physically withstand torture is a genetic trait.
6. Poor Walid just got ass fucked without any red white and blue lubricant. He's the head of the Islam Something Or Other League and he willingly spied on his fellow Muslims, which the entire community will find out about. He'll be lucky if someone doesn't urinate on his prayer mat.
7. The 24 writers are pulling their usual tricks and trying to manipulate me into liking/feeling sorry for the First Sister but I am immune. She is Twunty with a capital T and hopefully she'll be riding the next nuke the way Jenna Jamison rode Howard Stern's Symbian.
8. When Bill Buchannan told Jack he was sending a chopper for him I went "Really??" I love how every so often the writers make a cursory attempt to quiet the people who say things like "How is Jack going to get from Sherman Oaks to Valencia in ten minutes, through midday traffic?"
9. I was thinking that the first most tired 24 theme is the "Mole at CTU" one. and the second is the "programmer's family member affected by current tragedy" one. Is it just me or should people who are essential to the operations of CTU be made to sign some sort of employment clause. People are always randomly leaving to handle family business, like oh, The Hobbit from last season getting his ass kicked by his druggie sister and her pimp behind some dumpster.
10. The sudden Chloe-Morris kiss wasn't as off-putting as last season's random First Lady tongueage, but they should give some sort of warning before they show it. Those kisses are more disturbing than watching Jack cut someone's throat anyday.
11. The best line of the night once again goes to the presidential advisor, John Cage. "With all due respect Mr. President, George Washington's enemies wore bright red coats and marched in a straight line." HAHAHA fuck. That is so damn funny. I know I'm supposed to hate him but he makes me laugh every single episode. And I'm easy so that's all it takes really.
12. They got me with Jack's dad. I totally fell for the "You're too good for us" yarn he weaved. Also, I just wanted to say "yarn." The last minute of the show had me repeating "Holy fuck... holy fuck... holy fuck." Which, tends to happen with 24. I thought Papa Bauer was going to off himself when he told Jack he needed a few minutes.
13. Poor Morris, being kidnapped by terrorists. I'm a big fan of Morris, not just because he's snarky but also because he is a straight male who seems ambiguously gay. Those are funniest kind.
24 Hour Seven aka "No Really, Our Family Is More Screwed Up Than Yours"
1. I like that Fox showed on the preview last week that Jack and Papa Bauer (I like that name Riss) get away. It's like they said "Let's skip the foreplay, we all know Jack's not dying." By the way, the look on Jack's face was priceless after Papa shot bodyguard #2. "I needed to question him!!" If Riss and I were a crime-fighting, spinach-dip-eating duo, I would probably say that quite often.
2. Looks like the writers are trying to break the record for most annoying female characters ever in one season of 24. Hey Mrs. Bauer, no wonder Jack tapped it and bounced. You are annoying. A terrorist assault team just crashed through your living room, now is not the time to bust Jack's chops about minor things like paternity. Combine her with Sandra Palmer and I'm going to run out of shovels to hit them with.
3. I love when Jack goes from talking calmly and with sympathy to all out yelling. "Where is McCarthy? WHERE IS McCARTHY?!?!!" I'm tempted to do this in everyday life. "Where is my stapler? WHERE IS MY STAPLER?!?!!"
4. Tom always has the best quotes. Every week he makes me feel like the worst liberal ever as he says things like "George Washington's enemies wore red coats and walked in a straight line" and I laugh and say "Damn he's right."
5. Can someone tell me what a "clearance package" is? Bill is always telling them to give Jack a "clearance package." (Editor's note: I think it's the random paperwork necessary to gain approval/cover your ass when performing certain operations.)
6. The "dad stare" to make Jack not kill his brother was priceless. Papa Bauer handled that like this was the 50th time Jack was on the verge of killing his brother with "neuro-inflammatories." All that was missing was him telling them to stop playing torture in the house and get ready for dinner.
7. My friend Holly said this and I thought the same thing, wouldn't Morris call his brother since he couldn't get through to the hospital? Can I have a show of hands to see who would just call their brother's cell to see what's going?
8. I agree Riss, the Chloe/Morris kiss wasn't that painful. I think because it was quick and efficient, like when you just rip the band-aid off. (Ed's Note: Versus that prolonged tongue action they used to torment us with last season. That one scene where the First Lady almost licked Aaron's face had my dinner revisiting the back of my throat)
9. I like how McCarthy always reiterates that he isn't guaranteeing that Morris will program the bombs. Morris is like that kid nobody wants to baby sit, then someone says they will watch him and the parent is like "Umm, are you sure?"
10. Can the Cali people tell me a little about Valencia? Is it a place with snooty people? I'm just wondering why they choose to blow up Valencia of all places. (Ed's Note: Because they hate oranges. HAHAHAHA!! Oh God, I'm such an idiot.)
1. The look on Papa Bauer's face after Jack berated him for shooting to kill was priceless. Although Jack getting on someone for killing someone who was trying to kill him is like me yelling at someone for drinking too much.
2. The Petulant Girlfriend of the guy trying to find the device to arm the nukes cracks me up. She's like a human poodle.
3. The Bauers take the term "dysfunctional family" to astronomical levels. They make those random hick families where the wife is also the sister and the daughter of her husband look well-adjusted.
4. I hate the maidenly outrage the women in Jack's life are prone to. Armed men just broke into her home, led by her brother-in-law, but all Mrs. Graeme Bauer cares about is that here is the man who stuck it in, planted a seed and bounced. "I've seen what happens when you try to protect people." Ouch. Why do women always have to hit below the belt. There should be a law that states that whenever you use a guy's dead wife to hurt him, he should be allowed to use the toilet, then stick your head in it for awhile. Of course, in her defense she's better than Audrey Raines. Chase's disembodied arm is better than Audrey Raines.
5. The look on the Torture Drug Agent's face when Jack told him to get the interrogation kit was priceless. It said something along the lines of "Holy fuck, this guy's going to torture his own brother? This I gotta see." The torture scene itself was insane, with Jack alternately hugging his brother and ordering the agent to push more ccs of the torture drug. And to think I used to get mad when my sister ate the last glazed donut. Dr. Romano Bauer took his medicine pretty well though, I guess be able to physically withstand torture is a genetic trait.
6. Poor Walid just got ass fucked without any red white and blue lubricant. He's the head of the Islam Something Or Other League and he willingly spied on his fellow Muslims, which the entire community will find out about. He'll be lucky if someone doesn't urinate on his prayer mat.
7. The 24 writers are pulling their usual tricks and trying to manipulate me into liking/feeling sorry for the First Sister but I am immune. She is Twunty with a capital T and hopefully she'll be riding the next nuke the way Jenna Jamison rode Howard Stern's Symbian.
8. When Bill Buchannan told Jack he was sending a chopper for him I went "Really??" I love how every so often the writers make a cursory attempt to quiet the people who say things like "How is Jack going to get from Sherman Oaks to Valencia in ten minutes, through midday traffic?"
9. I was thinking that the first most tired 24 theme is the "Mole at CTU" one. and the second is the "programmer's family member affected by current tragedy" one. Is it just me or should people who are essential to the operations of CTU be made to sign some sort of employment clause. People are always randomly leaving to handle family business, like oh, The Hobbit from last season getting his ass kicked by his druggie sister and her pimp behind some dumpster.
10. The sudden Chloe-Morris kiss wasn't as off-putting as last season's random First Lady tongueage, but they should give some sort of warning before they show it. Those kisses are more disturbing than watching Jack cut someone's throat anyday.
11. The best line of the night once again goes to the presidential advisor, John Cage. "With all due respect Mr. President, George Washington's enemies wore bright red coats and marched in a straight line." HAHAHA fuck. That is so damn funny. I know I'm supposed to hate him but he makes me laugh every single episode. And I'm easy so that's all it takes really.
12. They got me with Jack's dad. I totally fell for the "You're too good for us" yarn he weaved. Also, I just wanted to say "yarn." The last minute of the show had me repeating "Holy fuck... holy fuck... holy fuck." Which, tends to happen with 24. I thought Papa Bauer was going to off himself when he told Jack he needed a few minutes.
13. Poor Morris, being kidnapped by terrorists. I'm a big fan of Morris, not just because he's snarky but also because he is a straight male who seems ambiguously gay. Those are funniest kind.
24 Hour Seven aka "No Really, Our Family Is More Screwed Up Than Yours"
1. I like that Fox showed on the preview last week that Jack and Papa Bauer (I like that name Riss) get away. It's like they said "Let's skip the foreplay, we all know Jack's not dying." By the way, the look on Jack's face was priceless after Papa shot bodyguard #2. "I needed to question him!!" If Riss and I were a crime-fighting, spinach-dip-eating duo, I would probably say that quite often.
2. Looks like the writers are trying to break the record for most annoying female characters ever in one season of 24. Hey Mrs. Bauer, no wonder Jack tapped it and bounced. You are annoying. A terrorist assault team just crashed through your living room, now is not the time to bust Jack's chops about minor things like paternity. Combine her with Sandra Palmer and I'm going to run out of shovels to hit them with.
3. I love when Jack goes from talking calmly and with sympathy to all out yelling. "Where is McCarthy? WHERE IS McCARTHY?!?!!" I'm tempted to do this in everyday life. "Where is my stapler? WHERE IS MY STAPLER?!?!!"
4. Tom always has the best quotes. Every week he makes me feel like the worst liberal ever as he says things like "George Washington's enemies wore red coats and walked in a straight line" and I laugh and say "Damn he's right."
5. Can someone tell me what a "clearance package" is? Bill is always telling them to give Jack a "clearance package." (Editor's note: I think it's the random paperwork necessary to gain approval/cover your ass when performing certain operations.)
6. The "dad stare" to make Jack not kill his brother was priceless. Papa Bauer handled that like this was the 50th time Jack was on the verge of killing his brother with "neuro-inflammatories." All that was missing was him telling them to stop playing torture in the house and get ready for dinner.
7. My friend Holly said this and I thought the same thing, wouldn't Morris call his brother since he couldn't get through to the hospital? Can I have a show of hands to see who would just call their brother's cell to see what's going?
8. I agree Riss, the Chloe/Morris kiss wasn't that painful. I think because it was quick and efficient, like when you just rip the band-aid off. (Ed's Note: Versus that prolonged tongue action they used to torment us with last season. That one scene where the First Lady almost licked Aaron's face had my dinner revisiting the back of my throat)
9. I like how McCarthy always reiterates that he isn't guaranteeing that Morris will program the bombs. Morris is like that kid nobody wants to baby sit, then someone says they will watch him and the parent is like "Umm, are you sure?"
10. Can the Cali people tell me a little about Valencia? Is it a place with snooty people? I'm just wondering why they choose to blow up Valencia of all places. (Ed's Note: Because they hate oranges. HAHAHAHA!! Oh God, I'm such an idiot.)
January 30, 2007
24 Season Six: Hour Six
24 Season Six: Hour Six
Okay people, don't get your panties in a bunch. The recap is coming. Incidentally, it is not too late to figure out what the hell I'm talking about. The Season 6 episodes of 24 are available for download here.
(8:30 p.m. edit)
1. I forgot that Chad Lowe was going to be on. It's bizarre that I even know who he is, considering I can't think of a single show, movie or random product commercial that he's been in. The Chad makes a good weaselly character though.
2. John Cage is apparently this season's "Hollywood Lecture on Why You Should Hate Donald Rumsfeld" character but he has some of the best lines. I laughed out loud when he looked at Karen, signed with heartfelt frustration and said "No Karen, you're wearing ME down." I laughed even harder when he said that when the Constitution was created, "it took half a minute to load a musket." Anyone that can sarcastically throw the word "musket" into a conversation automatically has a fan in me. And when he made his play to blackmail Karen into resigning, and she tried to grow a pair of balls and threaten him back by saying everyone had their skeletons, and he said "Yes, everyone has skeletons in their closet, but not everyone has PROOF" I jumped up and applauded. Sleazy? Yes. But you play to win or you don't play at all.
3. Nadia aka Shiny Hair Girl was inadvertently hysterical when she pouted over the new restrictions on Muslim government workers. I mean you assume that the restrictions are going to hinder CTU's investigations, but so far all she's done is toss her hair becomingly and look pretty. In my head Bill Buchanan replied "I'm sorry your high-level clearance has been disabled, I hope this won't affect your ability to forward your friends warnings about microwaving Saran Wrap and not sticking their fingers into payphone coin return slots to avoid getting The AIDS."
4. How great was it when Jack's brother Dr. Romano started blubbering while he was being tortured and Jack didn't buy it, so he quit and was like okay fine, you got me.
5. Jack's dad has a random mercenary terrorist unit at his disposal. I'm a bit moist.
6. Milo aka Pubes had the fourth best line of the night, one that instantly changed my opinion of Nadia. "It's ridiculous to think she might be a terrorist, she's a registered Republican for God's sake." What, she is?????????? *lace doilies and puppy dogs feeling* Nadia, we can be friends. Let's go brush our hair. If you're lucky I'll even paint your toenails for you.
7. I understand Walid has had no formal training in undercover work, but neither has my 8-year-old nephew and he would have been less obvious at gathering intel. Walid might as well have sauntered up to the Would Be Terrorist Posse and said "How's it hangin' boys, done any... TERRORISM lately?"
8. We interrupt this 24 recap for a brief public service announcement. "Milo, you're a CTU agent for God's sake. Stop thinking with your dick." Although in his defense, it worked like a charm. Nadia's panties are going to hit the server room floor faster than a leopard-print thong hits the stage at a Motley Crue concert. (What can you do, they were playing "Girls Girls Girls" -- just kidding. Please. I don't wear leopard print. Anymore.)
9. For a moment, just for a moment, can we please assume that women are capable of tendering their resignations without crying? Please???? When I tendered my resignation at the NBA I had to forcibly restrain myself from breaking out into the choral refrain from "Ode to Joy."
10. In the 24-verse, apparently it takes longer to extract an undercover operative who is 15 feet away, than it does for Jack to get from Reseda to Downtown L.A., by skateboard.
11. Jack dragging his shady brother Dr. Romano around and handcuffing him to random things was pretty great. I wouldn't mind if 24 decided to re-visit a Chase moment and have Jack hack one of his brother's arms off. Then, Dr. Romano would have had his arm cut off in two shows on two different networks. That's got to be some kind of milestone.
12. This has nothing to do with 24 but for you Friday Night Lights fans reading this (Geo and Kwam), I spent this morning teaching my girls how to go:
"CLEAR EYES" *point to eyes*
"FULL HEARTS" *chest pound*
"CAN'T LOSE!!!" *fist in the air*
Kwame's 24 Thoughts:
1. Graham's name is spelled "Graem." No wonder he's so cranky and angry at the world.
2. Kaan mentioned this already, but not only is it far-fetched that America would have two black Presidents in 10 years, it's also far-fetched that the second one would be single, once helped his mistress kill her rich husband (who was his brother's major campaign contributor), walk like a thug AND talk like a robot when giving a speech. Wayne, you didn't make the people of America feel safe AT ALL.
3. "...single shot musket..." I laughed out loud but also nodded in agreement when Tom was making his very well-stated argument for more drastic security measures. I know Riss, I know I'm "the worst liberal ever." Lani is cringing as she reads this.
4. Nadia, you weren't doing anything anyway. You translated one line of Arabic in 5 hours. Plus, I think you're a mole.
5. 24 writers stop trying to make Pubes the new Tony Almeida. I knew Tony Almeida and you Pubes, are no Tony Almeida.
6. I thought Jack's dad would be a little more badass. He just didn't have that aura that you would expect Jack's dad to have. He has plenty of time though to convince me. A few head shots to random terrorists should do it.
7. Sandra Palmer's boyfriend has no stealthiness whatsoever, he brought that beatdown on himself. "Umm, I Don't Have The Phone" Idiot should have gone to the guy and said "Hey, you dropped this." By the way, was I the only one who thought it was funny that they went through all that trouble and the detainees got their info from a website? Chloe looked so annoyed.
Okay people, don't get your panties in a bunch. The recap is coming. Incidentally, it is not too late to figure out what the hell I'm talking about. The Season 6 episodes of 24 are available for download here.
(8:30 p.m. edit)
1. I forgot that Chad Lowe was going to be on. It's bizarre that I even know who he is, considering I can't think of a single show, movie or random product commercial that he's been in. The Chad makes a good weaselly character though.
2. John Cage is apparently this season's "Hollywood Lecture on Why You Should Hate Donald Rumsfeld" character but he has some of the best lines. I laughed out loud when he looked at Karen, signed with heartfelt frustration and said "No Karen, you're wearing ME down." I laughed even harder when he said that when the Constitution was created, "it took half a minute to load a musket." Anyone that can sarcastically throw the word "musket" into a conversation automatically has a fan in me. And when he made his play to blackmail Karen into resigning, and she tried to grow a pair of balls and threaten him back by saying everyone had their skeletons, and he said "Yes, everyone has skeletons in their closet, but not everyone has PROOF" I jumped up and applauded. Sleazy? Yes. But you play to win or you don't play at all.
3. Nadia aka Shiny Hair Girl was inadvertently hysterical when she pouted over the new restrictions on Muslim government workers. I mean you assume that the restrictions are going to hinder CTU's investigations, but so far all she's done is toss her hair becomingly and look pretty. In my head Bill Buchanan replied "I'm sorry your high-level clearance has been disabled, I hope this won't affect your ability to forward your friends warnings about microwaving Saran Wrap and not sticking their fingers into payphone coin return slots to avoid getting The AIDS."
4. How great was it when Jack's brother Dr. Romano started blubbering while he was being tortured and Jack didn't buy it, so he quit and was like okay fine, you got me.
5. Jack's dad has a random mercenary terrorist unit at his disposal. I'm a bit moist.
6. Milo aka Pubes had the fourth best line of the night, one that instantly changed my opinion of Nadia. "It's ridiculous to think she might be a terrorist, she's a registered Republican for God's sake." What, she is?????????? *lace doilies and puppy dogs feeling* Nadia, we can be friends. Let's go brush our hair. If you're lucky I'll even paint your toenails for you.
7. I understand Walid has had no formal training in undercover work, but neither has my 8-year-old nephew and he would have been less obvious at gathering intel. Walid might as well have sauntered up to the Would Be Terrorist Posse and said "How's it hangin' boys, done any... TERRORISM lately?"
8. We interrupt this 24 recap for a brief public service announcement. "Milo, you're a CTU agent for God's sake. Stop thinking with your dick." Although in his defense, it worked like a charm. Nadia's panties are going to hit the server room floor faster than a leopard-print thong hits the stage at a Motley Crue concert. (What can you do, they were playing "Girls Girls Girls" -- just kidding. Please. I don't wear leopard print. Anymore.)
9. For a moment, just for a moment, can we please assume that women are capable of tendering their resignations without crying? Please???? When I tendered my resignation at the NBA I had to forcibly restrain myself from breaking out into the choral refrain from "Ode to Joy."
10. In the 24-verse, apparently it takes longer to extract an undercover operative who is 15 feet away, than it does for Jack to get from Reseda to Downtown L.A., by skateboard.
11. Jack dragging his shady brother Dr. Romano around and handcuffing him to random things was pretty great. I wouldn't mind if 24 decided to re-visit a Chase moment and have Jack hack one of his brother's arms off. Then, Dr. Romano would have had his arm cut off in two shows on two different networks. That's got to be some kind of milestone.
12. This has nothing to do with 24 but for you Friday Night Lights fans reading this (Geo and Kwam), I spent this morning teaching my girls how to go:
"CLEAR EYES" *point to eyes*
"FULL HEARTS" *chest pound*
"CAN'T LOSE!!!" *fist in the air*
Kwame's 24 Thoughts:
1. Graham's name is spelled "Graem." No wonder he's so cranky and angry at the world.
2. Kaan mentioned this already, but not only is it far-fetched that America would have two black Presidents in 10 years, it's also far-fetched that the second one would be single, once helped his mistress kill her rich husband (who was his brother's major campaign contributor), walk like a thug AND talk like a robot when giving a speech. Wayne, you didn't make the people of America feel safe AT ALL.
3. "...single shot musket..." I laughed out loud but also nodded in agreement when Tom was making his very well-stated argument for more drastic security measures. I know Riss, I know I'm "the worst liberal ever." Lani is cringing as she reads this.
4. Nadia, you weren't doing anything anyway. You translated one line of Arabic in 5 hours. Plus, I think you're a mole.
5. 24 writers stop trying to make Pubes the new Tony Almeida. I knew Tony Almeida and you Pubes, are no Tony Almeida.
6. I thought Jack's dad would be a little more badass. He just didn't have that aura that you would expect Jack's dad to have. He has plenty of time though to convince me. A few head shots to random terrorists should do it.
7. Sandra Palmer's boyfriend has no stealthiness whatsoever, he brought that beatdown on himself. "Umm, I Don't Have The Phone" Idiot should have gone to the guy and said "Hey, you dropped this." By the way, was I the only one who thought it was funny that they went through all that trouble and the detainees got their info from a website? Chloe looked so annoyed.
January 9, 2007
TV Thoughts
TV Thoughts
I am finally off my Tivo kick, thank God. For a couple of months I disappeared almost entirely off the face of the internet, fine dining, video gaming, modern communication and the literary hordes obsessed with the written word. In that two months I recorded and watched every episode I could (including reruns) of CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, Law and Order, Law and Order: SVU, Nip/Tuck, Dharma and Greg, Heroes, Friday Night Lights, The Ghost Whisperer, Dancing With The Stars, America's Next Top Model, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and random episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Voyager and JAG. In between of course, football games on Sundays, Monday nights, the occasional Thursday and sometimes a Saturday. It was like a disease. But then the Tivo broke or something, possibly from overuse and I'm a little relieved. In fact, I'm not certain we should replace it. By the way, I can function on 5 hours of sleep a day and television is a lot faster when you can fast forward the commercials and music montages.
Anyway... So what is everyone doing this Sunday and Monday at 8pm ET? If your answer isn't "Watching the two-night, 4-hour premiere of 24, the best fricken show on the planet" then you can get the hell off this site right now.
I'm in a heightened state of lust right now. Just watched Gary Dourdan and Adam Rodriguez in the same freaking CSI episode. Overload. And let me just have my teenybopper moment, these are the 5 Hottest Guys on Television Right Now:
LOST is also coming back and it's about time. Luckily they will be airing new episodes through the sweeps, otherwise ABC would get a very sternly worded letter. Not from me though, I'm lazy. So from me they would get a very sternly worded thought stream. Perhaps they will finally answer questions like:
"Who the hell are all these random new characters that have actual lines?"
"How many islands are there?"
"Is that Juliet broad good or evil?"
"What is Sayid building?"
"Can Jin just be shirtless for the rest of the season?"
"When Kate had sex with Sawyer did she taste Ana Lucia?"
"Can Charlie please get something, a blowjob, a handjob, a kiss on the cheek, a homemade fruitcake, something? The guy gave up heroin for God's sake."
"Doesn't Ranch dressing go bad due to bacteria, when Hurley eats it by the handful?"
I am finally off my Tivo kick, thank God. For a couple of months I disappeared almost entirely off the face of the internet, fine dining, video gaming, modern communication and the literary hordes obsessed with the written word. In that two months I recorded and watched every episode I could (including reruns) of CSI, CSI: Miami, CSI: NY, Law and Order, Law and Order: SVU, Nip/Tuck, Dharma and Greg, Heroes, Friday Night Lights, The Ghost Whisperer, Dancing With The Stars, America's Next Top Model, Grey's Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and random episodes of Star Trek: The Next Generation, Voyager and JAG. In between of course, football games on Sundays, Monday nights, the occasional Thursday and sometimes a Saturday. It was like a disease. But then the Tivo broke or something, possibly from overuse and I'm a little relieved. In fact, I'm not certain we should replace it. By the way, I can function on 5 hours of sleep a day and television is a lot faster when you can fast forward the commercials and music montages.
Anyway... So what is everyone doing this Sunday and Monday at 8pm ET? If your answer isn't "Watching the two-night, 4-hour premiere of 24, the best fricken show on the planet" then you can get the hell off this site right now.
- Top 5 Reasons You Should Watch 24
1. So that you'll understand how great it is when the whiny little terrorist guy says "You're hurting me" and Jack Bauer says "No... No, I'm not."
2. So that you'll have something to do on Monday nights, now that football season is almost over.
3. So that you'll have some idea what the hell I'm talking about, every Tuesday morning when you sit down with your coffee.
4. So that you and I can remain friends.
5. So that you understand that the only reason you're still conscious is because Jack Bauer does not want to carry you.
I'm in a heightened state of lust right now. Just watched Gary Dourdan and Adam Rodriguez in the same freaking CSI episode. Overload. And let me just have my teenybopper moment, these are the 5 Hottest Guys on Television Right Now:
L-R Gary Dourdan (CSI), Adam Rodriguez (CSI: Miami), Jesse L. Martin (Law & Order),
Julian McMahon (Nip/Tuck), Patrick Dempsey (Grey's Anatomy)
Yes, I have a thing for dark-haired, dark-eyed guys.
LOST is also coming back and it's about time. Luckily they will be airing new episodes through the sweeps, otherwise ABC would get a very sternly worded letter. Not from me though, I'm lazy. So from me they would get a very sternly worded thought stream. Perhaps they will finally answer questions like:
"Who the hell are all these random new characters that have actual lines?"
"How many islands are there?"
"Is that Juliet broad good or evil?"
"What is Sayid building?"
"Can Jin just be shirtless for the rest of the season?"
"When Kate had sex with Sawyer did she taste Ana Lucia?"
"Can Charlie please get something, a blowjob, a handjob, a kiss on the cheek, a homemade fruitcake, something? The guy gave up heroin for God's sake."
"Doesn't Ranch dressing go bad due to bacteria, when Hurley eats it by the handful?"
October 1, 2006
Top 25 Favorite TV Characters
Top 25 Favorite TV Characters
I have nothing. I think the new lunar cycle is affecting my hormones which in turn is affecting my sleep patterns which in turn is affecting my writing. Yeah, that's it. So I jacked a post off someone's site (can't remember who) "Top 25 Favorite TV Characters" and also added the anti-favorites because you know that's how I roll. Favorites:
Top 25 Least Favorite Television Characters
(Oddly enough this was a lot harder. I thought it was going to be really easy to come up with.)
I have nothing. I think the new lunar cycle is affecting my hormones which in turn is affecting my sleep patterns which in turn is affecting my writing. Yeah, that's it. So I jacked a post off someone's site (can't remember who) "Top 25 Favorite TV Characters" and also added the anti-favorites because you know that's how I roll. Favorites:
- Jack Bauer - 24 (YOU KNOW!)
- Jack McCoy - Law and Order (The first two are etched in stone.)
- MacGuyver (You have to love a character that can build a bomb out of a Magic Marker and some Cheerios)
- Spike - Buffy The Vampire Slayer (Shhh haters.)
- Dr. Christian Troy - Nip/Tuck (The only character in the history of television that has you rooting things like "Yeah Christian, blackmail that hot chick into having sex with you!" and "No he didn't actually put the paper bag over her head and do it doggy!")
- Eddie Green - Law and Order
- Dr. Niles Crane - Frasier
- Marty Crane - Frasier
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard - Star Trek: Next Generation
- Seven of Nine - Star Trek Voyager
- Karen Walker - Will and Grace
- Will Truman - Will and Grace
- Adrian Monk - Monk
- Greg Montgomery - Dharma and Greg
- Red Foreman - That 70's Show
- Alexandra Cabot - Law and Order: SVU
- Tommy Gavin - Rescue Me
- Anya - Buffy The Vampire Slayer
- Ling Woo - Ally McBeal
- Sayeed - Lost
- Hawke - Airwolf
- Dr. Sam Beckett - Quantam Leap
- Remington Steele
- The Cast of The A-Team (Yeah I know I'm cheating)
- The Cast of Friends (THEY at least should only count as one)
If the show lasts long enough some of the cast from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia will probably make it on. Like how the entire cast of Firefly should be on here. And Malcolm in the Middle And That 70's Show. And Will and Grace. Could have made it a Top 100 list.
Top 25 Least Favorite Television Characters
(Oddly enough this was a lot harder. I thought it was going to be really easy to come up with.)
- KIM BAUER KIM BAUER KIM BAUER - 24
- Meredith Grey - Grey's Anatomy (She comes in a very close second.)
- Julia MacNamara - Nip/Tuck
- George - Grey's Anatomy (Though he is getting better now that he isn't mooning after that skank.)
- Kate - Lost
- Jack - Lost
- Amy Gray - Judging Amy
- Maxine Gray - Judging Amy
- Emily - Friends
- Kelly - 90210
- Donna - 90210
- Matt MacNamara - Nip/Tuck
- Raymond Barone - Everybody Loves Raymond
- Marie Barone - Everybody Loves Raymond
- Ally McBeal
- Jamie Ross - Law and Order
- Elliot Reid - Scrubs
- Paul Robinette - Law and Order
- Kimber - Nip/Tuck
- Neela - ER
- Kramer - Seinfeld (I know people love him but he was too contrived for me.)
- Everyone on Felicity (I only watched the show a few times but it was enough)
- Everyone on Dawson's Creek except Pacey (Ditto what I said for Felicity)
- Everyone on The O.C. (Ditto what I said for Felicity and Dawson's Creek)
- Can I put someone from a show I've never watched? The mom in Gilmore Girls sometimes makes me want to smack her in commercials.
September 13, 2006
Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming
Back To Our Regularly Scheduled Programming
I won't be putting up the download until later, but all you need to know about last night's show is that:
The Raiders were a mess on Monday night. ARE a mess, Kwame would correct me on his sports blog (which I love). Up against the team with the best rushing defense they decided to rush as much as possible. Then rush some more, despite gaining very little yardage. So then they came out after the half and decided to make up for it by "passing" as much as possible. I say "passing" because that implies a quarterback actually throwing properly to an intended target. Aaron Brooks was horrible. Allegedly he has a 54% completion rate, which is weird because *I* would probably have a 54% completion rate if I played in the NFL. In his minor defense, the few times he did manage to get the ball into a receiver's vicinity, that receiver dropped it. And his offensive line crumpled every time a Charger breathed on them. On top of all that, the ghost of Norv Turner/Kerry Collins is still around because the Art Shell/Aaron Brooks combo apparently also holds the notion that plays involving Randy Moss should be used sparingly. The only semi-bright spot in the whole miserable game (well, besides the fact that my fantasy team has LaDanian Tomlinson again but we're talking about the Raiders right now) was that the defense picked it up after the half. Oh and Shane Lechler. It's sad when there's so little to cheer about you have to get happy over your punter. But, like a true Raider fan I'm optimistic. We have to get better because we can't get worse. Plus (to quote Geo) "Our team can kick your team's ass." Literally, we mean. And what. By the way Jerry, don't sit on the sidelines and laugh at your quarterback getting sacked a hundred times. It's mean.
Now on to some random TV thoughts:
1. I take back what I said about Sanaa Latham, she is smokin' on Nip/Tuck. She came on last night in a sleeveless black dress and a Chanel bag, and even though some old woman was feeling her up I was still like "Damn, she's hot." Incidentally, what the heck are they doing with this new Dr. Christian Troy lusts after Dr. Macnamara storyline. They're killing me. If Dr. Troy were even remotely bi he would have nailed Bruno Campo's character. Before they found out he was a psychotic serial killer of course. Even Dr. Troy has to have some standards. And good call by the producers on the random scenes of full Julian McMahon posterior nudity. By the way, that Nip/Tuck commercial with the two doctors fixing up the sculpture still turns me on every time I see it. I'm like Pavlov's dogs.
2. They left Jack Bauer languishing in some Chinese prison for almost 2 years, and Wayne Palmer (the sleazy Presidential Brother) is now president of the United States, having run I assume on a platform of public sympathy for his assassinated brother. Season 6 of 24 is going to rock.
4. Right now I'm moving Kwame to the bottom of my friends list for getting me addicted to that trainwreck of a show Flavor of Love. It's insanity. So far in the season one of the girls has taken a dump on the living room floor, contestants have come to blows over which bed they want to use, we've seen Warren G more times than we've seen him in the last ten years and Flav has banged about half of the contestants. And when he's not banging them he is swapping saliva in close-up shots that make me throw up a little in my mouth each and every time. Good Lord. And yet at 1a.m. on Sunday night, there I am channeling towards VH1. I can't eat while watching the show though. You never know when Flav might get the urge to tongue someone up and then all of a sudden it's one cheeseburger gone to waste.
5. I may have to jump on the Survivor: Season 13 bandwagon, only for this one season. They're going to divide the teams up by RACE. That's another trainwreck in the making, but I bet it will be funny as hell to watch.
I won't be putting up the download until later, but all you need to know about last night's show is that:
The Raiders were a mess on Monday night. ARE a mess, Kwame would correct me on his sports blog (which I love). Up against the team with the best rushing defense they decided to rush as much as possible. Then rush some more, despite gaining very little yardage. So then they came out after the half and decided to make up for it by "passing" as much as possible. I say "passing" because that implies a quarterback actually throwing properly to an intended target. Aaron Brooks was horrible. Allegedly he has a 54% completion rate, which is weird because *I* would probably have a 54% completion rate if I played in the NFL. In his minor defense, the few times he did manage to get the ball into a receiver's vicinity, that receiver dropped it. And his offensive line crumpled every time a Charger breathed on them. On top of all that, the ghost of Norv Turner/Kerry Collins is still around because the Art Shell/Aaron Brooks combo apparently also holds the notion that plays involving Randy Moss should be used sparingly. The only semi-bright spot in the whole miserable game (well, besides the fact that my fantasy team has LaDanian Tomlinson again but we're talking about the Raiders right now) was that the defense picked it up after the half. Oh and Shane Lechler. It's sad when there's so little to cheer about you have to get happy over your punter. But, like a true Raider fan I'm optimistic. We have to get better because we can't get worse. Plus (to quote Geo) "Our team can kick your team's ass." Literally, we mean. And what. By the way Jerry, don't sit on the sidelines and laugh at your quarterback getting sacked a hundred times. It's mean.
Now on to some random TV thoughts:
1. I take back what I said about Sanaa Latham, she is smokin' on Nip/Tuck. She came on last night in a sleeveless black dress and a Chanel bag, and even though some old woman was feeling her up I was still like "Damn, she's hot." Incidentally, what the heck are they doing with this new Dr. Christian Troy lusts after Dr. Macnamara storyline. They're killing me. If Dr. Troy were even remotely bi he would have nailed Bruno Campo's character. Before they found out he was a psychotic serial killer of course. Even Dr. Troy has to have some standards. And good call by the producers on the random scenes of full Julian McMahon posterior nudity. By the way, that Nip/Tuck commercial with the two doctors fixing up the sculpture still turns me on every time I see it. I'm like Pavlov's dogs.
2. They left Jack Bauer languishing in some Chinese prison for almost 2 years, and Wayne Palmer (the sleazy Presidential Brother) is now president of the United States, having run I assume on a platform of public sympathy for his assassinated brother. Season 6 of 24 is going to rock.
Look what I found at Target for 9 bucks.
4. Right now I'm moving Kwame to the bottom of my friends list for getting me addicted to that trainwreck of a show Flavor of Love. It's insanity. So far in the season one of the girls has taken a dump on the living room floor, contestants have come to blows over which bed they want to use, we've seen Warren G more times than we've seen him in the last ten years and Flav has banged about half of the contestants. And when he's not banging them he is swapping saliva in close-up shots that make me throw up a little in my mouth each and every time. Good Lord. And yet at 1a.m. on Sunday night, there I am channeling towards VH1. I can't eat while watching the show though. You never know when Flav might get the urge to tongue someone up and then all of a sudden it's one cheeseburger gone to waste.
5. I may have to jump on the Survivor: Season 13 bandwagon, only for this one season. They're going to divide the teams up by RACE. That's another trainwreck in the making, but I bet it will be funny as hell to watch.
August 28, 2006
It's About FrickenTime
It's About Fricken Time
Dear Emmy Voters,
Thank you so much for putting aside the crackpipes and/or finally pulling your heads out of your respective asses. I am a true believer now in the old adage "A broken clock is right twice a day." It's about time that the lead actor of the best drama in the existence of television (yeah I said it, fuck MASH) won an Emmy for it.
And now I can go back to not giving a crap about your awards show. Hoo-wah.
Dear Emmy Voters,
Thank you so much for putting aside the crackpipes and/or finally pulling your heads out of your respective asses. I am a true believer now in the old adage "A broken clock is right twice a day." It's about time that the lead actor of the best drama in the existence of television (yeah I said it, fuck MASH) won an Emmy for it.
Is it me or does Jack, I mean Kiefer Sutherland hold his Emmy
like he's about to beat someone to death with it. You can take the
man out of CTU but you can't take CTU out of the man.
And now I can go back to not giving a crap about your awards show. Hoo-wah.
August 16, 2006
Clean Penii, Supernova, The Weirdest Wake Ever and Pron
Clean Penii, Supernova, The Weirdest Wake Ever and Pron
(otherwise known as)
Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume 19 (I Think)
I've really been slacking with the show for the past month or so, but this time I actually had a musical theme. Not that it matters, since only 5 songs got played and the rest of the time I yammered on about nothing really important. The download is available here.
Highlights:
-In bed, some men are a bit too ambitious and change positions every three minutes. Let's do the math. If it takes at least three minutes for the woman in question to build up to an orgasm, and he's changing positions every three minutes, then the woman isn't... exactly. In the Mango Radio chat room, Kaan announced that the only position changing going on should be from vagina to ass, then mouth. Um, yeah. Maybe with the random Hoboken barsluts he likes but with normal women, if it was in the ass then it isn't going anywhere near the mouth until it's been sanitized with anti-bacterial soap. That penis should be scrubbed like it's ready to perform surgery.
-I watch some reality television, but tend to gravitate towards the shows featuring people who can do things I can't. Like Dancing With The Stars (excepting Master P of course) and my most recent viewing acquisition, Rock Star: Supernova. I don't watch shows like The Real World because I can actually get drunk and climb onto the bar for an impromptu table dance, so why would I want to waste time watching it. By the way, if I were on the show I would not choose to sing "I Will Survive" like some chick did last night. That song is the musical equivalent of Tampax. I did however, watch my very first episode of Flavor of Love the other night. The sole purpose of the show apparently, is to showcase the crackheadiest crackheads ever to hit the pipe, with of course a few exceptions.
-Ben said in the chat room that he can't watch that pron star Charmane Star because she's a Filipina and it's like watching your young cousin having sex. I agreed, for the same reason and also for another one. We have this old pron video Geo's cousin Manny gave me, and on it is Charmane Star and her sister. Not in the same scene, but they're both sucking dick within minutes of each other. Chris Rock once said on The Daily Show that if your daughter gets up on the stripper pole then you have completely failed as a parent. No, if your daughter becomes a stripper then you get a D as a parent. Maybe a D minus if it's full nude. If your daughter becomes a pron star then you have failed as a parent. If TWO of your daughters become pron stars than you have failed spectacularly as a parent, you get an F minus minus minus. They may even make an exception for you and give you a Z. Minus.
(otherwise known as)
Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume 19 (I Think)
I've really been slacking with the show for the past month or so, but this time I actually had a musical theme. Not that it matters, since only 5 songs got played and the rest of the time I yammered on about nothing really important. The download is available here.
Highlights:
-In bed, some men are a bit too ambitious and change positions every three minutes. Let's do the math. If it takes at least three minutes for the woman in question to build up to an orgasm, and he's changing positions every three minutes, then the woman isn't... exactly. In the Mango Radio chat room, Kaan announced that the only position changing going on should be from vagina to ass, then mouth. Um, yeah. Maybe with the random Hoboken barsluts he likes but with normal women, if it was in the ass then it isn't going anywhere near the mouth until it's been sanitized with anti-bacterial soap. That penis should be scrubbed like it's ready to perform surgery.
Ryan sent me this pic during the show, of me grabbing
Manny's wife Janelle's boobs. I guess getting drunk at
family barbeques isn't always a good idea.
-I watch some reality television, but tend to gravitate towards the shows featuring people who can do things I can't. Like Dancing With The Stars (excepting Master P of course) and my most recent viewing acquisition, Rock Star: Supernova. I don't watch shows like The Real World because I can actually get drunk and climb onto the bar for an impromptu table dance, so why would I want to waste time watching it. By the way, if I were on the show I would not choose to sing "I Will Survive" like some chick did last night. That song is the musical equivalent of Tampax. I did however, watch my very first episode of Flavor of Love the other night. The sole purpose of the show apparently, is to showcase the crackheadiest crackheads ever to hit the pipe, with of course a few exceptions.
-Ben said in the chat room that he can't watch that pron star Charmane Star because she's a Filipina and it's like watching your young cousin having sex. I agreed, for the same reason and also for another one. We have this old pron video Geo's cousin Manny gave me, and on it is Charmane Star and her sister. Not in the same scene, but they're both sucking dick within minutes of each other. Chris Rock once said on The Daily Show that if your daughter gets up on the stripper pole then you have completely failed as a parent. No, if your daughter becomes a stripper then you get a D as a parent. Maybe a D minus if it's full nude. If your daughter becomes a pron star then you have failed as a parent. If TWO of your daughters become pron stars than you have failed spectacularly as a parent, you get an F minus minus minus. They may even make an exception for you and give you a Z. Minus.
May 23, 2006
24: Season Five Finale
24: Season Five Finale
(Spoilers ahead obviously.)
1. Beautiful. Great move on Fox's part to start off the finale with a bang. Gone is the knee-fondling-Audrey-while-someone-is-sabotaging-the-tape Jack, and in his place is the pushing-a-terrorist's-face-in-a-broken-steampipe Jack that we all know and love. Bravo.
2. Bierko's speech to the other Russian terrorists was about as inspiring as a piece of toast. When he grabbed the mic I was hoping for something along the lines of Gary Oldman in Air Force One. No wonder the Soviet Union was dissolved. The people in Kazakhstan were like "Those Russians give crappy terrorist speeches."
3. Someone please tell me that in real life it does not take 25 minutes to scramble fighter planes to a major American city that has already been hit three times by terrorists in one day. Lie to me if you wish.
4. Did anyone else have the following conversation when Jack told Petty Officer Rooney to kill the terrorist and he replied "I'm an engineer":
Geo: You're in the Navy boy!!!
Me: It's not a job, it's an adventure.
Ahhh, movie quotes for all occasions. 24 is the only show which actually has the audience of 15 million people cheering the protagonist on as he's teaching someone to slit someone else's throat. "Yeah!!! Cut him deep and fast!! You can do it!!" Petty Officer Rooney had one of my favorite lines of the evening though. "What's your status?" "My status is that uh, he's dead."
5. My most favorite line is Jack saying "We're all clear" to the other agents AS he's stabbing the other terrorist in the throat.
6. Did Henderson fall into the water afterwards? Giving the traitor Henderson an empty gun then killing him seems like classic Jack, but so does keeping his word and helping Henderson stage his own death. Those shots were right to an area that would be protected by a bulletproof vest, and conveniently it was done outside the sub so there was a witness. I loved it when Jack turned and saw Rooney staring at him after he killed Henderson, and Jack just asked some nonchalant question or something. Jack Bauer doesn't need to make explanations to people. The only reason Rooney is still alive is because Jack Bauer does not want to carry him. Well that, and the fact that he's not a terrorist.
7. They reaaallllly need to warn us before the First Lady busts out her tender sexual moments with people. Bleh. When her and Aaron did the almost kiss thing I was nauseated but when she banged her husband to delay him for Jack, I just about choked on my own vomit. Geo yelled out "She's taking one for the team!!" The VP needs to be giving her the Presidential Medal of Freedom after he gets sworn in. Oh, the irony.
8. Chloe's ambiguously gay ex-husband was a nice twist. I hope he comes back for next season. The best part was when he saw Logan all handcuffed to the post "Oh God that's the President" and then leaves Jack to do his business. I guess doing whatever Jack says runs in the family.
9. It was obvious something was up when Jack was interrogating the president. That was just about the lamest interrogation ever. He wouldn't have been able to get Elton John to admit he's gay. I thought Chloe was going to hack into the networks and broadcast it over the news though. I assume Logan gets impeached and then tried criminally? I understand being able to keep things quiet if he resigned but he was just publicly escorted off a platform by marshals who said pretty loudly "I don't work for you anymore."
10. I'm not glad that Jack got abducted and beaten and all by the Chinese, but I am glad they interrupted that disgusting ass kiss between him and Audrey. I know she's been helpful and all but I still can't believe that's the best Jack Bauer can do.
11. Great setup for next season, I guess the Chinese are going to be the Big Bads. It's about time. Although that head bad guy just wants his daughter back from the evil kidnappers, and Jackie Chan is just the man to do it. Oh sorry, wrong movie. Show. Whatever. Incidentally, it looks like Bill's going to get some offseason Homeland Security bumpin'. Nice.
Overall: 4 snaps up in Z formation!!! *Antoine and Blaine dance*
(Spoilers ahead obviously.)
1. Beautiful. Great move on Fox's part to start off the finale with a bang. Gone is the knee-fondling-Audrey-while-someone-is-sabotaging-the-tape Jack, and in his place is the pushing-a-terrorist's-face-in-a-broken-steampipe Jack that we all know and love. Bravo.
2. Bierko's speech to the other Russian terrorists was about as inspiring as a piece of toast. When he grabbed the mic I was hoping for something along the lines of Gary Oldman in Air Force One. No wonder the Soviet Union was dissolved. The people in Kazakhstan were like "Those Russians give crappy terrorist speeches."
3. Someone please tell me that in real life it does not take 25 minutes to scramble fighter planes to a major American city that has already been hit three times by terrorists in one day. Lie to me if you wish.
4. Did anyone else have the following conversation when Jack told Petty Officer Rooney to kill the terrorist and he replied "I'm an engineer":
Geo: You're in the Navy boy!!!
Me: It's not a job, it's an adventure.
Ahhh, movie quotes for all occasions. 24 is the only show which actually has the audience of 15 million people cheering the protagonist on as he's teaching someone to slit someone else's throat. "Yeah!!! Cut him deep and fast!! You can do it!!" Petty Officer Rooney had one of my favorite lines of the evening though. "What's your status?" "My status is that uh, he's dead."
5. My most favorite line is Jack saying "We're all clear" to the other agents AS he's stabbing the other terrorist in the throat.
6. Did Henderson fall into the water afterwards? Giving the traitor Henderson an empty gun then killing him seems like classic Jack, but so does keeping his word and helping Henderson stage his own death. Those shots were right to an area that would be protected by a bulletproof vest, and conveniently it was done outside the sub so there was a witness. I loved it when Jack turned and saw Rooney staring at him after he killed Henderson, and Jack just asked some nonchalant question or something. Jack Bauer doesn't need to make explanations to people. The only reason Rooney is still alive is because Jack Bauer does not want to carry him. Well that, and the fact that he's not a terrorist.
7. They reaaallllly need to warn us before the First Lady busts out her tender sexual moments with people. Bleh. When her and Aaron did the almost kiss thing I was nauseated but when she banged her husband to delay him for Jack, I just about choked on my own vomit. Geo yelled out "She's taking one for the team!!" The VP needs to be giving her the Presidential Medal of Freedom after he gets sworn in. Oh, the irony.
8. Chloe's ambiguously gay ex-husband was a nice twist. I hope he comes back for next season. The best part was when he saw Logan all handcuffed to the post "Oh God that's the President" and then leaves Jack to do his business. I guess doing whatever Jack says runs in the family.
9. It was obvious something was up when Jack was interrogating the president. That was just about the lamest interrogation ever. He wouldn't have been able to get Elton John to admit he's gay. I thought Chloe was going to hack into the networks and broadcast it over the news though. I assume Logan gets impeached and then tried criminally? I understand being able to keep things quiet if he resigned but he was just publicly escorted off a platform by marshals who said pretty loudly "I don't work for you anymore."
10. I'm not glad that Jack got abducted and beaten and all by the Chinese, but I am glad they interrupted that disgusting ass kiss between him and Audrey. I know she's been helpful and all but I still can't believe that's the best Jack Bauer can do.
11. Great setup for next season, I guess the Chinese are going to be the Big Bads. It's about time. Although that head bad guy just wants his daughter back from the evil kidnappers, and Jackie Chan is just the man to do it. Oh sorry, wrong movie. Show. Whatever. Incidentally, it looks like Bill's going to get some offseason Homeland Security bumpin'. Nice.
Overall: 4 snaps up in Z formation!!! *Antoine and Blaine dance*
May 19, 2006
A Jumbled Up TV Post
A Jumbled Up TV Post
(Note: Spoilers galore)
On 24: I'm not as excited as I've been at this point in time, during the last seasons. The security in that guy's pad was tight though. I want something similar for when my kids are older. I picture their friends walking through and me over the com unit going "What is that in your pocket, weed? You have 10 seconds to exit the premises... 9... 8...7..." And then I'd lean out the window and snipe them with my paintball gun as they flee.
It's good Aaron is back, but couldn't the writers have brought him back in a less nausea-inspiring way? Those tender moments between him and the Crazy First Lady are playing havoc on my gag reflex. Also, after chasing God knows how many pills with a few bottles of wine, I think the First Lady killed the guy accidentally while aiming for his foot.
It was disappointing that Jack didn't fuck up the Homeland Security Weasel. He just may be losing his touch. Kim Bauer's perverted boyfriend is walking around scot free as well.
On Lost: People like to challenge my choices but as it stands my favorite characters are Sayid, Sawyer and now Ecko since Ana Lucia is gone. In that order. Sayid has reaffirmed his spot, by being the first person to see through Michael's horribly obvious ploys. "Hey guys, let's go get my son back. Except I only want 5 people to go, and I want two of those people to be the two most useless people on the island. No, we can't replace the guy who doesn't want to go with the former member of the Iraqi army." Which of course, Jack the Douche Bag responds to with "Okay sure, whatever you say." Dildo.
And as Kwame mentioned, it would be nice if the people on the island shared info every now and again. It's not as if there's so much to do on the island. You'd think they would talk more.
On Grey's Anatomy: Derek's stock just plummeted since he banged Meredith again. For his stupidity, not his infidelity. Because unless he's got condoms in that tux, he just put his unprotected dick in an orifice that has seen more visitors than the Seattle Grace ER. He's worse than those doctors who smoke and ride motorcycles.
The season-ending cliffhanger was no cliffhanger for me. I don't understand why Meredith is conflicted. She's standing there with the sperm of one guy dripping down her leg, what does she want to do, go with the vet guy and add to it? Go with Derek and let his wife Addison clean it up? Go home Meredith, do not pass Go. Do not collect $200, though it might just be your inclination you whore. And above all please please please do not stuff anymore dicks into yourself at the bar, or in the parking lot, or on the way home or once you get home.
Other than Burke, Bailey and Alex I'm not really a fan of any of the other characters, but the Izzie scene at the end did make me a tad teary. Mainly because I got stuck on the fact that if she hadn't changed her dress three times, she probably would have been able to save her fiance's life. That's some fucked up shit right there.
And finally, even though I haven't watched it much this season, I'm sad that Will & Grace is no more. Along with Friends and Frasier it was one of my favorite sit-coms ever.
(Note: Spoilers galore)
On 24: I'm not as excited as I've been at this point in time, during the last seasons. The security in that guy's pad was tight though. I want something similar for when my kids are older. I picture their friends walking through and me over the com unit going "What is that in your pocket, weed? You have 10 seconds to exit the premises... 9... 8...7..." And then I'd lean out the window and snipe them with my paintball gun as they flee.
It's good Aaron is back, but couldn't the writers have brought him back in a less nausea-inspiring way? Those tender moments between him and the Crazy First Lady are playing havoc on my gag reflex. Also, after chasing God knows how many pills with a few bottles of wine, I think the First Lady killed the guy accidentally while aiming for his foot.
It was disappointing that Jack didn't fuck up the Homeland Security Weasel. He just may be losing his touch. Kim Bauer's perverted boyfriend is walking around scot free as well.
On Lost: People like to challenge my choices but as it stands my favorite characters are Sayid, Sawyer and now Ecko since Ana Lucia is gone. In that order. Sayid has reaffirmed his spot, by being the first person to see through Michael's horribly obvious ploys. "Hey guys, let's go get my son back. Except I only want 5 people to go, and I want two of those people to be the two most useless people on the island. No, we can't replace the guy who doesn't want to go with the former member of the Iraqi army." Which of course, Jack the Douche Bag responds to with "Okay sure, whatever you say." Dildo.
And as Kwame mentioned, it would be nice if the people on the island shared info every now and again. It's not as if there's so much to do on the island. You'd think they would talk more.
On Grey's Anatomy: Derek's stock just plummeted since he banged Meredith again. For his stupidity, not his infidelity. Because unless he's got condoms in that tux, he just put his unprotected dick in an orifice that has seen more visitors than the Seattle Grace ER. He's worse than those doctors who smoke and ride motorcycles.
The season-ending cliffhanger was no cliffhanger for me. I don't understand why Meredith is conflicted. She's standing there with the sperm of one guy dripping down her leg, what does she want to do, go with the vet guy and add to it? Go with Derek and let his wife Addison clean it up? Go home Meredith, do not pass Go. Do not collect $200, though it might just be your inclination you whore. And above all please please please do not stuff anymore dicks into yourself at the bar, or in the parking lot, or on the way home or once you get home.
Other than Burke, Bailey and Alex I'm not really a fan of any of the other characters, but the Izzie scene at the end did make me a tad teary. Mainly because I got stuck on the fact that if she hadn't changed her dress three times, she probably would have been able to save her fiance's life. That's some fucked up shit right there.
And finally, even though I haven't watched it much this season, I'm sad that Will & Grace is no more. Along with Friends and Frasier it was one of my favorite sit-coms ever.
May 12, 2006
24: Hours Twenty and Twenty-One
24: Hours Twenty and Twenty-One
The customer service department has informed me that we've received some complaints from people who feel I've been remiss in not putting up 24 recaps. Not hate mail, just unhappy mail. Hate mail is some of the e-mails I've gotten in the past which say things like "You fucking stupid redneck fucking asshole, no woman would ever be with you." Can't say I was too upset by his prediction.
So here my friends, is proof that the squeaky wheel gets the oil:
1. When Jack left his green man bag in the cargo of the plane, we just knew that somehow he'd be wearing it again as he exited. That bag apparently contains a secret portal to a magical world of neverending grenades, Sig Sauers, H&Ks, flashbangs, rocket launchers and surface-to-air missiles. Adam from Scenic Anemia also thinks Jack carries around the heads of the people who have crossed him.
2. Watching Jack take on the air marshal was like watching Mike Tyson take candy from Dakota Fanning. Except Dakota might have had a shot.
3. The plane thing was both exciting and a bit dumb. Yet I cheered when Jack told the guy to cuff himself to the wheel then said "Either you land this plane or I will." How wrong was it though when that one guy tried to "storm" Jack. Hey other passengers, way to back up your fellow hostage. There was only one of Jack. I mean he could have taken them all easily, but they didn't know that.
4. It's funny how when people don't want let CTU through, they just yell and it works. Like when Curtis yelled at the Marine to let him through. The Marines are supposed to be searching and detaining someone, but yelling at them makes them forget that. Then again, I actually employ this tactic every so often and it does work.
5. My train of thought in the last 5 minutes or so went like this: "President Logan is going to off himself. Finally. No, he's going to off his wife. Finally. He's going to off himself and his wife. Yes! No, he's just going to off himself. Okay, I'll take it. Wait, no... no... dammit that fucking weasel at Homeland Security!" I hate the Homeland Security Weasel. You know how action movies always have one bad guy that gets sucked in by the jet's turbine engine? They need to get back on a plane so they can have a scene like that for this guy.
6. The thing with 24 is that there are so many twists and changes that you have to really stay on top of things. It took me a few moments to figure out who the heck the guy in the holding cell was. By the way, it's great that there's more security and attention to detail at Walmart, than there is when CTU is transfering a terrorist.
7. I don't mind my imagination being stretched by this show, especially when it's to believe that Secretary Heller could have survived his car speeding off a cliff and plunging like 80 yards into the water.
8. I felt almost guilty but I had a moment of Jack dislike. Right during the "Here Chloe, please take the most important piece of evidence in our nation's recent history and go do something with it by yourself, in an unlocked and unguarded room, while I go check on my girlfriend and rub her knee a little." The Jack I know and love would wait until the Attorney General has actually heard the tape, before he went off to chill in sickbay.
Alright, what did I miss?
To get back in your good graces, I submitted a fact to the Jack Bauer Facts page just now. "Jack Bauer has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign. Trust me, you want to hold it." Hee.
The customer service department has informed me that we've received some complaints from people who feel I've been remiss in not putting up 24 recaps. Not hate mail, just unhappy mail. Hate mail is some of the e-mails I've gotten in the past which say things like "You fucking stupid redneck fucking asshole, no woman would ever be with you." Can't say I was too upset by his prediction.
So here my friends, is proof that the squeaky wheel gets the oil:
1. When Jack left his green man bag in the cargo of the plane, we just knew that somehow he'd be wearing it again as he exited. That bag apparently contains a secret portal to a magical world of neverending grenades, Sig Sauers, H&Ks, flashbangs, rocket launchers and surface-to-air missiles. Adam from Scenic Anemia also thinks Jack carries around the heads of the people who have crossed him.
2. Watching Jack take on the air marshal was like watching Mike Tyson take candy from Dakota Fanning. Except Dakota might have had a shot.
3. The plane thing was both exciting and a bit dumb. Yet I cheered when Jack told the guy to cuff himself to the wheel then said "Either you land this plane or I will." How wrong was it though when that one guy tried to "storm" Jack. Hey other passengers, way to back up your fellow hostage. There was only one of Jack. I mean he could have taken them all easily, but they didn't know that.
4. It's funny how when people don't want let CTU through, they just yell and it works. Like when Curtis yelled at the Marine to let him through. The Marines are supposed to be searching and detaining someone, but yelling at them makes them forget that. Then again, I actually employ this tactic every so often and it does work.
5. My train of thought in the last 5 minutes or so went like this: "President Logan is going to off himself. Finally. No, he's going to off his wife. Finally. He's going to off himself and his wife. Yes! No, he's just going to off himself. Okay, I'll take it. Wait, no... no... dammit that fucking weasel at Homeland Security!" I hate the Homeland Security Weasel. You know how action movies always have one bad guy that gets sucked in by the jet's turbine engine? They need to get back on a plane so they can have a scene like that for this guy.
6. The thing with 24 is that there are so many twists and changes that you have to really stay on top of things. It took me a few moments to figure out who the heck the guy in the holding cell was. By the way, it's great that there's more security and attention to detail at Walmart, than there is when CTU is transfering a terrorist.
7. I don't mind my imagination being stretched by this show, especially when it's to believe that Secretary Heller could have survived his car speeding off a cliff and plunging like 80 yards into the water.
8. I felt almost guilty but I had a moment of Jack dislike. Right during the "Here Chloe, please take the most important piece of evidence in our nation's recent history and go do something with it by yourself, in an unlocked and unguarded room, while I go check on my girlfriend and rub her knee a little." The Jack I know and love would wait until the Attorney General has actually heard the tape, before he went off to chill in sickbay.
Alright, what did I miss?
To get back in your good graces, I submitted a fact to the Jack Bauer Facts page just now. "Jack Bauer has turned on the fasten seatbelt sign. Trust me, you want to hold it." Hee.
April 25, 2006
24: Hour Nineteen
24: Hour Nineteen
I'm just going to toss up some initial thoughts then edit it when Kwame e-mails me his thoughts on the episode. Some teeny OCD-ing part of my brain is chafing at the fact that the recaps haven't been going up on Monday nights lately.
1. I've been meaning to say this but I like the way they introduce all the characters at the beginning. Or maybe I just like seeing the words "Jack Bauer." Yeah that's it.
2. It was hysterical when President Logan said "You need protection from ME? That's absurd." His character really is the worst actor. The feigned surprise was as convincing as a 6-year-old saying he didn't know how the hamster got into the VCR.
3. Before I found out Henderson's people were magically tracking them, I was wondering why Jack didn't leave Audrey at Van Nuys Airport. He's just toting her around like the ubiquitous green bag or that bank manager's body that melted away in the night.
4. They're offing people like flies this season but the ones I'm really annoyed about are Tony Almeida and now Secretary Heller. His ass better still be alive. At the same time, he did what I was saying Audrey should have done when Henderson was using her as a pawn to get the tape. She's standing there saying "No Jack don't save me" meaning she's slightly willing to die for the cause. So then turn your ass around and attack Henderson.
5. Okay who the hell is the random bald guy, the one who played the one-armed doctor on ER.
6. When Curtis finally makes an appearance he does so with style. Although I did notice that the hand he covered Audrey's mouth with when he rescued her was covered with ketchup and salt.
7. I laughed when Jack just walked onto the British plane like it was nobody's business. But that's actually the best way to sneak around. Every time I've successfully snuck into somewhere it's been when I did it with authority, rather than hanging nervously around the entrance.
8. There's no way President Logan is surviving this season. His wife looks like she's two "Okay Dear"s away from stabbing him herself. The Television American public might not be able to handle a Presidential scandal but I'm sure they can take a president dead from "natural causes" aka "Why oh why did I ever think I could cross Jack Bauer."
I'm just going to toss up some initial thoughts then edit it when Kwame e-mails me his thoughts on the episode. Some teeny OCD-ing part of my brain is chafing at the fact that the recaps haven't been going up on Monday nights lately.
1. I've been meaning to say this but I like the way they introduce all the characters at the beginning. Or maybe I just like seeing the words "Jack Bauer." Yeah that's it.
2. It was hysterical when President Logan said "You need protection from ME? That's absurd." His character really is the worst actor. The feigned surprise was as convincing as a 6-year-old saying he didn't know how the hamster got into the VCR.
3. Before I found out Henderson's people were magically tracking them, I was wondering why Jack didn't leave Audrey at Van Nuys Airport. He's just toting her around like the ubiquitous green bag or that bank manager's body that melted away in the night.
4. They're offing people like flies this season but the ones I'm really annoyed about are Tony Almeida and now Secretary Heller. His ass better still be alive. At the same time, he did what I was saying Audrey should have done when Henderson was using her as a pawn to get the tape. She's standing there saying "No Jack don't save me" meaning she's slightly willing to die for the cause. So then turn your ass around and attack Henderson.
5. Okay who the hell is the random bald guy, the one who played the one-armed doctor on ER.
6. When Curtis finally makes an appearance he does so with style. Although I did notice that the hand he covered Audrey's mouth with when he rescued her was covered with ketchup and salt.
7. I laughed when Jack just walked onto the British plane like it was nobody's business. But that's actually the best way to sneak around. Every time I've successfully snuck into somewhere it's been when I did it with authority, rather than hanging nervously around the entrance.
8. There's no way President Logan is surviving this season. His wife looks like she's two "Okay Dear"s away from stabbing him herself. The Television American public might not be able to handle a Presidential scandal but I'm sure they can take a president dead from "natural causes" aka "Why oh why did I ever think I could cross Jack Bauer."
April 20, 2006
24: Hour Eighteen
24: Hour Eighteen
(Kwam's thoughts are in italics this time. See how I try to fool you. "FOOOOOOLED YOOUUUUUU." *Dark Helmet*)
1. This week's episode kind of sucked to me. I know they have to stretch it out a little bit to cover all 24 hours, but having Jack give up the evidence was just far-fetched and stupid.
Audrey got stabbed. The episode was fine.
2. What happened to bank manager guy? They just started the show with Wayne and Jack in the car. Did they throw bank manager guy on the side of the road?
Maybe he's in the backseat next to that green messenger bag Jack always has with him. The one that's magical and can somehow carry eight semi-automatics, twenty grenades, a lock-picking kit, ten flash bangs and a surface-to-air rocket launcher without looking bulky. Actually, maybe the bank manager is in the bag now too.
3. Not only do they need to warn us when the President and First Lady kiss, they need to warn us when she starts "flirting" with Aaron too... uugggghhhhh.
Seriously. My stomach actually rolls whenever she starts close-talking him. I've learned not to eat before 24. Learned the hard way.
4. The Chloe escape was laughable, she wasn't even smooth when she took the key card.
Also, the exchange between Chloe and She-Who-Filed-A-Fake-Sexual-Harassment-Claim was painfully stupid. Why would Chloe spill the beans about President Logan? During the offseason Jack needs to teach Chloe how to do a quick sleeper hold.
5. The look on Heller's face was funny as hell when the President said "I'm asking for Mr. Hellar's resignation."
My additional thoughts:
6. The President is alone a lot. That's weird. I assume it's the only way they could get CTU to somehow agree that finding the person responsible for David Palmer's assassination, a crime that has already happened, is more important than preventing future attacks by capturing Henderson. And aren't there still some nerve gas tanks floating around?
7. I gasped when the SOD hit Jack Bauer, that takes cojones. He's lucky that Jack actually likes him. At the same time it's disappointing to see that the Secretary of DEFENSE could be so naive and think blackmailing the President into stepping down from office would be easy. He didn't even take into consideration that someone so evil as to be responsible for the day's events, wouldn't go down without a fight.
8. They really are trying to make me like Audrey. She's standing there with a major artery severed and instead of crying for help, she tells Jack not to give into Henderson's blackmail and save her. Okay fine, Audrey's not so bad. Damn you manipulative 24 writers!!
9. President Logan is the worst liar ever. Isn't that a prerequisite for any political office in this country, that one be able to lie convincingly. It's a blight on the Office of the Presidency that he lies so poorly. As an American viewer I'm appalled. The 24 writers have officially gone too far.
(Kwam's thoughts are in italics this time. See how I try to fool you. "FOOOOOOLED YOOUUUUUU." *Dark Helmet*)
1. This week's episode kind of sucked to me. I know they have to stretch it out a little bit to cover all 24 hours, but having Jack give up the evidence was just far-fetched and stupid.
Audrey got stabbed. The episode was fine.
2. What happened to bank manager guy? They just started the show with Wayne and Jack in the car. Did they throw bank manager guy on the side of the road?
Maybe he's in the backseat next to that green messenger bag Jack always has with him. The one that's magical and can somehow carry eight semi-automatics, twenty grenades, a lock-picking kit, ten flash bangs and a surface-to-air rocket launcher without looking bulky. Actually, maybe the bank manager is in the bag now too.
3. Not only do they need to warn us when the President and First Lady kiss, they need to warn us when she starts "flirting" with Aaron too... uugggghhhhh.
Seriously. My stomach actually rolls whenever she starts close-talking him. I've learned not to eat before 24. Learned the hard way.
4. The Chloe escape was laughable, she wasn't even smooth when she took the key card.
Also, the exchange between Chloe and She-Who-Filed-A-Fake-Sexual-Harassment-Claim was painfully stupid. Why would Chloe spill the beans about President Logan? During the offseason Jack needs to teach Chloe how to do a quick sleeper hold.
5. The look on Heller's face was funny as hell when the President said "I'm asking for Mr. Hellar's resignation."
My additional thoughts:
6. The President is alone a lot. That's weird. I assume it's the only way they could get CTU to somehow agree that finding the person responsible for David Palmer's assassination, a crime that has already happened, is more important than preventing future attacks by capturing Henderson. And aren't there still some nerve gas tanks floating around?
7. I gasped when the SOD hit Jack Bauer, that takes cojones. He's lucky that Jack actually likes him. At the same time it's disappointing to see that the Secretary of DEFENSE could be so naive and think blackmailing the President into stepping down from office would be easy. He didn't even take into consideration that someone so evil as to be responsible for the day's events, wouldn't go down without a fight.
8. They really are trying to make me like Audrey. She's standing there with a major artery severed and instead of crying for help, she tells Jack not to give into Henderson's blackmail and save her. Okay fine, Audrey's not so bad. Damn you manipulative 24 writers!!
9. President Logan is the worst liar ever. Isn't that a prerequisite for any political office in this country, that one be able to lie convincingly. It's a blight on the Office of the Presidency that he lies so poorly. As an American viewer I'm appalled. The 24 writers have officially gone too far.
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