February 5, 2007

24 Season Six: Hour Seven

24 Season Six: Hour Seven

1. The look on Papa Bauer's face after Jack berated him for shooting to kill was priceless. Although Jack getting on someone for killing someone who was trying to kill him is like me yelling at someone for drinking too much.

2. The Petulant Girlfriend of the guy trying to find the device to arm the nukes cracks me up. She's like a human poodle.

3. The Bauers take the term "dysfunctional family" to astronomical levels. They make those random hick families where the wife is also the sister and the daughter of her husband look well-adjusted.

4. I hate the maidenly outrage the women in Jack's life are prone to. Armed men just broke into her home, led by her brother-in-law, but all Mrs. Graeme Bauer cares about is that here is the man who stuck it in, planted a seed and bounced. "I've seen what happens when you try to protect people." Ouch. Why do women always have to hit below the belt. There should be a law that states that whenever you use a guy's dead wife to hurt him, he should be allowed to use the toilet, then stick your head in it for awhile. Of course, in her defense she's better than Audrey Raines. Chase's disembodied arm is better than Audrey Raines.

5. The look on the Torture Drug Agent's face when Jack told him to get the interrogation kit was priceless. It said something along the lines of "Holy fuck, this guy's going to torture his own brother? This I gotta see." The torture scene itself was insane, with Jack alternately hugging his brother and ordering the agent to push more ccs of the torture drug. And to think I used to get mad when my sister ate the last glazed donut. Dr. Romano Bauer took his medicine pretty well though, I guess be able to physically withstand torture is a genetic trait.

6. Poor Walid just got ass fucked without any red white and blue lubricant. He's the head of the Islam Something Or Other League and he willingly spied on his fellow Muslims, which the entire community will find out about. He'll be lucky if someone doesn't urinate on his prayer mat.

7. The 24 writers are pulling their usual tricks and trying to manipulate me into liking/feeling sorry for the First Sister but I am immune. She is Twunty with a capital T and hopefully she'll be riding the next nuke the way Jenna Jamison rode Howard Stern's Symbian.

8. When Bill Buchannan told Jack he was sending a chopper for him I went "Really??" I love how every so often the writers make a cursory attempt to quiet the people who say things like "How is Jack going to get from Sherman Oaks to Valencia in ten minutes, through midday traffic?"

9. I was thinking that the first most tired 24 theme is the "Mole at CTU" one. and the second is the "programmer's family member affected by current tragedy" one. Is it just me or should people who are essential to the operations of CTU be made to sign some sort of employment clause. People are always randomly leaving to handle family business, like oh, The Hobbit from last season getting his ass kicked by his druggie sister and her pimp behind some dumpster.

10. The sudden Chloe-Morris kiss wasn't as off-putting as last season's random First Lady tongueage, but they should give some sort of warning before they show it. Those kisses are more disturbing than watching Jack cut someone's throat anyday.

11. The best line of the night once again goes to the presidential advisor, John Cage. "With all due respect Mr. President, George Washington's enemies wore bright red coats and marched in a straight line." HAHAHA fuck. That is so damn funny. I know I'm supposed to hate him but he makes me laugh every single episode. And I'm easy so that's all it takes really.

12. They got me with Jack's dad. I totally fell for the "You're too good for us" yarn he weaved. Also, I just wanted to say "yarn." The last minute of the show had me repeating "Holy fuck... holy fuck... holy fuck." Which, tends to happen with 24. I thought Papa Bauer was going to off himself when he told Jack he needed a few minutes.

13. Poor Morris, being kidnapped by terrorists. I'm a big fan of Morris, not just because he's snarky but also because he is a straight male who seems ambiguously gay. Those are funniest kind.

24 Hour Seven aka "No Really, Our Family Is More Screwed Up Than Yours"

1. I like that Fox showed on the preview last week that Jack and Papa Bauer (I like that name Riss) get away. It's like they said "Let's skip the foreplay, we all know Jack's not dying." By the way, the look on Jack's face was priceless after Papa shot bodyguard #2. "I needed to question him!!" If Riss and I were a crime-fighting, spinach-dip-eating duo, I would probably say that quite often.

2. Looks like the writers are trying to break the record for most annoying female characters ever in one season of 24. Hey Mrs. Bauer, no wonder Jack tapped it and bounced. You are annoying. A terrorist assault team just crashed through your living room, now is not the time to bust Jack's chops about minor things like paternity. Combine her with Sandra Palmer and I'm going to run out of shovels to hit them with.

3. I love when Jack goes from talking calmly and with sympathy to all out yelling. "Where is McCarthy? WHERE IS McCARTHY?!?!!" I'm tempted to do this in everyday life. "Where is my stapler? WHERE IS MY STAPLER?!?!!"

4. Tom always has the best quotes. Every week he makes me feel like the worst liberal ever as he says things like "George Washington's enemies wore red coats and walked in a straight line" and I laugh and say "Damn he's right."

5. Can someone tell me what a "clearance package" is? Bill is always telling them to give Jack a "clearance package." (Editor's note: I think it's the random paperwork necessary to gain approval/cover your ass when performing certain operations.)

6. The "dad stare" to make Jack not kill his brother was priceless. Papa Bauer handled that like this was the 50th time Jack was on the verge of killing his brother with "neuro-inflammatories." All that was missing was him telling them to stop playing torture in the house and get ready for dinner.

7. My friend Holly said this and I thought the same thing, wouldn't Morris call his brother since he couldn't get through to the hospital? Can I have a show of hands to see who would just call their brother's cell to see what's going?

8. I agree Riss, the Chloe/Morris kiss wasn't that painful. I think because it was quick and efficient, like when you just rip the band-aid off. (Ed's Note: Versus that prolonged tongue action they used to torment us with last season. That one scene where the First Lady almost licked Aaron's face had my dinner revisiting the back of my throat)

9. I like how McCarthy always reiterates that he isn't guaranteeing that Morris will program the bombs. Morris is like that kid nobody wants to baby sit, then someone says they will watch him and the parent is like "Umm, are you sure?"

10. Can the Cali people tell me a little about Valencia? Is it a place with snooty people? I'm just wondering why they choose to blow up Valencia of all places. (Ed's Note: Because they hate oranges. HAHAHAHA!! Oh God, I'm such an idiot.)

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