Baby It's Cold Outside

Baby It's Cold Outside
(The latest 24 recap is right underneath this, plus a Wednesday night edit to this post)

So yeah, we did the New Jersey Polar Bear Plunge on Saturday. Thank you so much for your donations, and here is the pic I promised:

"I'm blue da-ba-dee-da-ba-di da-ba-dee-da-ba-di...."

Heh. Doot doot...

Okay, per Abe and Steve's request I was just fucking with you guys. We took a bunch of pics, because I explained to everyone that the Australians want to see Mr. Modesty have to prance around half-nekkid in public, in front of hundreds of people and yet more on the internet. By the way mates, I'm really sorry that I almost inadvertently killed your friend. But we'll get to that.

On Saturday morning, Geo, Abel, Steve, Tony and I headed down to Seaside Heights, where the plunge was taking place (Mike was driving straight there from his house). It wasn't too bad out, it was cold but sunny and they said the water temp was 35 degrees. Paul flaked completely, which sucks since he was the one that got me to do it in the first place. I even brought him a little bottle of After Shock, since I was going to do the plunge sober. I think it was all some elaborate plan to send my idiot ass into the fucking ocean in the middle of February. I'll tell you what though. We made a bet, which he lost even if he flaked and SOMEBODY is going to be running through Times Square one day in a pair of socks and a thong.

After registering, we headed onto the beach. Holy crap, let me just say that cold sand feels like snow under your bare feet. We stripped down about 15 minutes before 1 p.m. then tried to use the crowd for body heat. Or at least, I did. Stevie is stupidly warm for someone who has less total body fat than my middle finger. At one point, some guy in a Vikings jersey whom I was trying to use as a shield from the wind, turned around and said to him "What are you going to do in there, you have no body fat. You're going to be so cold."

What the guys were thinking before the plunge:
"What the fuck are they thinking?"


What we were thinking before the plunge:
"What the fuck are we thinking?"


What THE OTHERS were thinking before the plunge:
"Our enemies may take our lives but they will never take our freedom!!!"

At exactly 1 p.m. some type of horn sounded, then people started yelling and everyone began running for the ocean. I think I was skipping though. I tend to skip while other people are running. Two seconds after it registered that my feet were in the water, I fell off some sort of mini underwater cliff and boom was submerged over my head. (Steve wants to make sure I tell the following story) I broke the surface, got pulled under by a wave, then broke the surface again and looked for him. He was over a bit and apparently attempting to do the backstroke. So I dove over and dunked him, as in pushed his head fully underwater.

Except that... I didn't know he CAN'T SWIM. Actually, I think I did at one point know but forgot about it, because I mean seriously, who dives into the ocean and can't freaking swim??? Especially when he's from a country entirely surrounded by water AND is a licensed scuba diver? (The explanation has something to do with his nasal cavity and water getting in while submerged.) Anyway, I got pulled under by another wave so I ran out of the water then waited on the shore to make sure the guys in the wetsuits weren't having to organize a rescue attempt for Steve. And yes, I realize you're supposed to plunge in and plunge out of the ocean, and probably not fuck around trying to do the backstroke or dunk your friends.

What I was thinking AFTER the plunge:
"Let's go get some real food, I am so fucking tired of oatmeal."


WORD.

After the plunge, we went and ate Italian sausage sandwiches on the boardwalk. Considering the tasteless food diet we'd been on, we decided in advance to binge the rest of the weekend. On the way to the Cheesecake Factory, we stopped off at Wawa and Geo bought Steve every single snack item he'd ever wanted to try but never did. One thing that was funny was that we tried to get Mike to come with us to the restaurant but he wasn't hungry so he said he was heading home. But on Route 37 after Wawa, we randomly saw him on the road and convinced him to come with us.

I said one of us should ride with him and since I was sitting in my underwear at the time, it should be Tony. Tony hopped out of the car at the next light and ran into Mike's. Except that 5 seconds later, Abel goes "I've never ridden in Mike's car" so we were all like "Then go! Send Tony back in here." So at the next light, Abe hopped out and sent Tony back into our car. Yes, Chinese Fire drills on some random highway in Jersey. The people in the other cars were like "What the fuck are these people doing." Geo was going to run and switch spots with Mike but we weren't sure Mike would go for it. At one point we were dying over the idea of all being in Mike's car, while he's alone in ours like when we started.

Incidentally, it amuses me that I sat around in my underwear for 2 hours and no one thought it was weird. The rest of the weekend was pretty much the same as last weekend, Tony, Abel and Steve stayed over for hours of playing with the kiddos, Guitar Hero, Nintendo Wii, drinking and guitaraoke (G came over on Friday and we went to the gym then guitaraoked while Geo played the drums). Except that unlike those other weekends, Steve and I ate regular food... a lot. Here is a list of everything we ate this weekend, and if I never see another french fry again I won't give a shit:

Blazin Buffalo and Ranch Doritos with sour cream, Funyuns, potato skins, Sour Cream and Onion Sun Chips, Cheez Doodles, Honey BBQ Fritos, Lifesaver gummies, slim jims, Pizzeria Pretzel combos, Wawa Peach Iced Tea, lemonade, crispy crab won-tons, buffalo wings, shrimp summer rolls, avocado eggrolls, tacquitos, popcorn shrimp, calimari, edamame, ribs, roadside sliders, french fries, quesedillas, spinach and artichoke dip, pot stickers, corn tamale cakes, guacamole, chicken marsala, chicken tikka masala, aloo gobi, lachcha paratha, raita, rice, gulab jamun, vegetable samosas, stewed chickpeas, white hot chocolate, maple sausage sandwiches, quiche, Honey Graham Oh's, mochi, twinkies, Wise hot popcorn, crab alfredo, garlic breadsticks, chicken parm something or other, steak Gorgonzola alfredo, toasted meat raviolis, crab stuffed mushrooms, egg custards from Neptune, coolattas/milkshakes from Baskin Robbins, ice cream, Grey's Papaya hot dogs with sauerkraut, fried onions and mustard, homemade oatmeal cookies, lechon kawali, salmon with cauliflower and spinach, Jose Cuervo, Patron, Black Label, Malibu Mango rum, Malibu Pineapple rum, Malibu Passion Fruit rum, Jim Beam, Goldschlagger, Stoli, Stoli Raspberry and Sambuca.

I don't know how we're still alive. Tony just barely pulled through, I think he got food poisoning from his Dunkin Donuts sandwich. The rest of us are recuperating but everyone's immune system is shot. I heard "Riss, it's tiring being your friend" a bunch of times. Yeah, even I get tired being my friend.

By the way, Kwame said he'd pay a dollar for every black person I saw, so Kwam, oddly enough you owe about $20 (I think they were all cops). Other than that it was me, Steve, two Puerto Rican guys and a whole lot of white people. There's a bit of video shot by Geo, but the file is messed up so I have to play around with it in Adobe Premiere. The rest of the pics, awesome shots taken courtesy of the wonderful photographer Tony, are located here, via con Dios.

Wednesday night edit: As the author of this blog, I feel compelled to ask that people stop leaving comments about how hot Steve looks with his abs upon abs upon abs. It is really, REALLY , REALLY embarrassing him. He doesn't even know what to type anymore. So please, enough already. Seriously. Especially don't be a gay guy asking for his number with great enthusiasm (unless you've got a twenty bucks and my Paypal account info. All you need is some whiskey.) And ESPECIALLY don't forward this link on to all your friends who have ever met him. We don't want to keep embarrassing our friend with things like this: