February 19, 2007

24 Season Six: Hour Ten

24 Season Six: Hour Ten

*** Tuesday edit: We interrupt this 24 commentary to let readers know that there won't be an analysis from Kwame this week because his wife Kesha went into labor this morning!!!!! ***

5:55 p.m. update: Kwame's baby girl is here!!!!! Hooray!!!

Next day update: Okay never mind on the whole "Kwame won't post an analysis" thing, he tossed one into the comments which has been appended to the bottom of this post. I really should have known. If 24 had been on when I popped out the girls, I would have been laying on the operating table with a laptop on my chest. "We're going to administer the spinal anesthesia now." "Go ahead, I can still type while you do it."

1. It's amusing that Nadia decided to ask Morris to de-brief Milo or whatever. Nadia should be the one to de-brief him, being that she apparently has limited computer skills and is in fact a glorified messenger.

2. I thought Morris was going to go get a heroin fix in, a la Jack in Season Three. Whiskey seems more appropriate though since it's easily obtained. When Morris took a drink of whiskey then spat it out I was both relieved and appalled. Relieved because it's probably not a good idea to be wasted at CTU on a day when terrorists have detonated a nuclear bomb on American soil and are threatening to detonate more. Appalled because really, is that any excuse for wasting single malt whiskey.

3. When Jack asked Mrs. Graeme Bauer to put aside her natural fear of putting her son in danger, she said something to the effect of "Okay Jack." The rest of the sentence was "Okay Jack, but only because I love your cock so much and wish it was in my mouth right now."

4. Maybe I am just Monday morning quarterbacking here, but if I overheard my scary ass grandfather threatening to kill me, my ass would be out the door and running down the emergency stairs faster than a fat dog in Korea, covered in soy sauce.

5. There should be a new 24 drinking game. People should take a shot every time they have to yell "FOCUS, you slut" at Mrs. Grame Bauer, because she's making googly eyes at Jack when she should be, oh, worried about her son being in the clutches of her murderous father-in-law.

6. Which segues nicely into the fact that Jack's dad really is a badass. Another drinking game people could play, would be to take a shot every time Jack has to surrender himself unarmed to someone.

7. With all the wonderful one-liners the writers bless upon John Cage, I guess the trade-off is that he's completely unstealthy. You're about to blow the whistle on a presidential assassination attempt. A little discretion is called for. Pretend you're Bill Clinton whispering "Here darlin, put this Air Force One towel on the floor so you don't bruise those pretty knees" in that little room next to the Oval Office.

8. Pubes didn't "hold off three armed men," they got him and were about to kill him when Jack saved his ass. Plus, no one took a masonry drill to his back. Apples and oranges.

9. "Do you know how to use this?" "No." "Point and shoot." Heh.

10. "FOCUS, you slut!!!!" Jack is about to give himself up for your son, who you may or may not get back alive. Now is not the time to cup Jack's face with your hands and eyefuck him, twice.

11. It was amusing when Jack called out "Dad??" It's as if he was coming home in the middle of a school day and checking to see if anyone was there before he brought his pothead friends in. I think once you learn that your father killed your brother, the former President who you respected above all men, one of your closest friends and his wife, he officially goes from being "Dad" to "Philip."

12. Jack's on his knees and facing certain death but he's still going to have his say, and still going to dictate the bullet to his head on his own terms. "Okay, I'm ready."

13. NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Charles Logan is back and apparently wants to see his First Lady again. They better give out some warning if we loyal viewers are going to be subjected to some more First Lady tongue action again. I have to make sure that whatever I eat before the show won't taste too bad on the way back up.

Kwame's 24 Thoughts

Thanks for all the well wishes. Mom and baby are doing well. My wife is a champ.

On to more important matters, some quick 24 notes before heading back to the hospital:

1. Maryland is a solid 1000 on the annoying scale. Never have I yelled at or called a female a bitch more often than I did while watching her Monday. Between not running when Milo told her to, hoping Jack would look at her while undressing, to not knowing how to use a gun, she is on the verge of breaking all of Kim Bauer's records for annoying behavior in one season of a TV show (which should be a category in the Golden Globes). (Editor's note: It occurs to me that we may be being a bit harsh on Mrs. Graeme Bauer, considering the object of her acute lust is JACK BAUER. Of course he inspires this type of quivering idiocy in members of the opposite sex. He inspires it in men, animals, insects and house plants as well.)

2. Despite hating him, I must admit that Jack's dad is bad ass. The only thing that could have made him cooler is if he said to his grandson "get over here before a bust a cap in your ass." Well not really but you get the point.

3. Milo is that co worker who gets named employee of the month for NOT messing things up. Not to get on him too much because I know he's not a field agent, but seriously let's not elect him to the 24 Hall of Fame just yet. (Ed's note: WORD. Can people please jump down and back slowly away from the Pubes Bandwagon. Pubes is one of those characters you just dislike, for no reason.)

4. I'm upset with how badly the 24 writers have messed up Tom with that poor display. He's been smooth and witty for 9 hours and they threw it all away.

5. Logan? Really? Of course the writers will some how get me to like him but still, Logan? Sigh...

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