24: Season Five Finale

24: Season Five Finale
(Spoilers ahead obviously.)

1. Beautiful. Great move on Fox's part to start off the finale with a bang. Gone is the knee-fondling-Audrey-while-someone-is-sabotaging-the-tape Jack, and in his place is the pushing-a-terrorist's-face-in-a-broken-steampipe Jack that we all know and love. Bravo.

2. Bierko's speech to the other Russian terrorists was about as inspiring as a piece of toast. When he grabbed the mic I was hoping for something along the lines of Gary Oldman in Air Force One. No wonder the Soviet Union was dissolved. The people in Kazakhstan were like "Those Russians give crappy terrorist speeches."

3. Someone please tell me that in real life it does not take 25 minutes to scramble fighter planes to a major American city that has already been hit three times by terrorists in one day. Lie to me if you wish.

4. Did anyone else have the following conversation when Jack told Petty Officer Rooney to kill the terrorist and he replied "I'm an engineer":

Geo: You're in the Navy boy!!!
Me: It's not a job, it's an adventure.

Ahhh, movie quotes for all occasions. 24 is the only show which actually has the audience of 15 million people cheering the protagonist on as he's teaching someone to slit someone else's throat. "Yeah!!! Cut him deep and fast!! You can do it!!" Petty Officer Rooney had one of my favorite lines of the evening though. "What's your status?" "My status is that uh, he's dead."

5. My most favorite line is Jack saying "We're all clear" to the other agents AS he's stabbing the other terrorist in the throat.

6. Did Henderson fall into the water afterwards? Giving the traitor Henderson an empty gun then killing him seems like classic Jack, but so does keeping his word and helping Henderson stage his own death. Those shots were right to an area that would be protected by a bulletproof vest, and conveniently it was done outside the sub so there was a witness. I loved it when Jack turned and saw Rooney staring at him after he killed Henderson, and Jack just asked some nonchalant question or something. Jack Bauer doesn't need to make explanations to people. The only reason Rooney is still alive is because Jack Bauer does not want to carry him. Well that, and the fact that he's not a terrorist.

7. They reaaallllly need to warn us before the First Lady busts out her tender sexual moments with people. Bleh. When her and Aaron did the almost kiss thing I was nauseated but when she banged her husband to delay him for Jack, I just about choked on my own vomit. Geo yelled out "She's taking one for the team!!" The VP needs to be giving her the Presidential Medal of Freedom after he gets sworn in. Oh, the irony.

8. Chloe's ambiguously gay ex-husband was a nice twist. I hope he comes back for next season. The best part was when he saw Logan all handcuffed to the post "Oh God that's the President" and then leaves Jack to do his business. I guess doing whatever Jack says runs in the family.

9. It was obvious something was up when Jack was interrogating the president. That was just about the lamest interrogation ever. He wouldn't have been able to get Elton John to admit he's gay. I thought Chloe was going to hack into the networks and broadcast it over the news though. I assume Logan gets impeached and then tried criminally? I understand being able to keep things quiet if he resigned but he was just publicly escorted off a platform by marshals who said pretty loudly "I don't work for you anymore."

10. I'm not glad that Jack got abducted and beaten and all by the Chinese, but I am glad they interrupted that disgusting ass kiss between him and Audrey. I know she's been helpful and all but I still can't believe that's the best Jack Bauer can do.

11. Great setup for next season, I guess the Chinese are going to be the Big Bads. It's about time. Although that head bad guy just wants his daughter back from the evil kidnappers, and Jackie Chan is just the man to do it. Oh sorry, wrong movie. Show. Whatever. Incidentally, it looks like Bill's going to get some offseason Homeland Security bumpin'. Nice.

Overall: 4 snaps up in Z formation!!! *Antoine and Blaine dance*