24 Season Six: Hour Twelve

24 Season Six: Hour Twelve
(Oh and Happy National Pi Day everyone!! I love random celebratory days. Also, Kaan pointed out that Kwame got a credit on Bill Simmons' latest column so check it out!)

1. It was funny as hell when Chloe said "Sorry, I'm feeling ambivalent. I'm gonna go" to President Logan. It's like the nice version of "I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care I don't care..."

2. Ricky Schroeder should just give up on his acting career, for the greater good. I mean seriously, who enjoys having "Here we are face to face a couple of silver spoons" in their head for an entire hour. Also, he's not very convincing as a tough guy. When he started choking Morris I wanted to pinch his cheeks and say "Aww look at you trying to be a tough guy. Who wants some Oreos and milk?"

3. One of the biggest gripes fans have with the show is the fact that the agents get around Los Angeles in about 1/4th the time it would take them in real life. Burbank to Santa Monica in 20 minutes at noon on a Tuesday? Right. My biggest gripe with the show is that people say shit like "Our objective isn't to save Jack Bauer." How about the writers replace that line one day with "Let's organize a tactical assault team to go into the Russian Embassy and save Jack Bauer, since he was instrumental in thwarting the last 5 attacks on the country which tells me he's a pretty important guy to have on your side."

4. Jack upped his kill count but it wasn't as cool as the "We're all clear" kill in last season's finale.

5. "Let's keep our eye on the ball" is probably the most overused phrase in politics. Loosely translated, it means "Shut up and do what I say." I think I'm going to start using it also:

Waiter: Ma'am, I'm not certain we can substitute scalloped potatoes for the french fries. We don't offer scalloped potatoes on the menu.
Me: Just slice the potatoes width-wise instead of length-wise and cover them with a creamy cheese sauce. Let's keep our eye on the ball here okay?

6. Aaron!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Aaron!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaron and... the First Lady Martha. Meh. She's agoraphobic now and yet I feel no sympathy. And the writers are messing with us again, with that whole feeding Aaron a raspberry scene. She's just eating a raspberry and I'm going to hurl. Aaron is the man though, encouraging her to do what's best for the country. The Aaron and Martha pairing is pretty common I bet. Everyone has that one friend with the psycho bitch girlfriend that everyone hates. And you love your friend, but you're resigned to the fact that one day he may be the unwilling participant in a murder-suicide. When she started rambling on I was waiting for someone to hit her with a shovel and yell "It's not all about you you crazy twunt!" Also, why are they letting this crazy broad cut things? It's like letting a pyromaniac tend to the campfire.

7. The VP is so freaking sleazy. If ever an assassination attempt was called for it's now. He's that guy that single-handedly keeps child trafficking rings open through his patronage.

8. The attack on the embassy was awesome, especially since the Russian President had the balls to okay it. Go Yuri, the blinis and Stoli are on me!

Kwame's 24 Thoughts
(24 aka the "Awkward Episode")

1. I was dying over Russian Consulate Guy's bandaged hand. Riss, I tried to see if I could see his pinky in a cup of ice on his desk.

2. It's always good to start the show off with a classic Jack move. Using a belt to disarm the gunman, well done Jack. Welcome back. Well, until the writers make you start doing un-Jack-like things again.

3. You have to love the 24 writers. The Russian Consulate is under threat, Jack Bauer is running loose knocking out power systems and there is a couple making out in the basement. In the 24 world, there is always a random couple hooking up somewhere.

4. Morris is having a really bad day. Kidnapped, drill to the shoulder blade, gives terrorists the ability to kill millions of people, slapped by his ex-wife and now he's about to get bitch-slapped by an aging, soft bodied Ricky Schroeder. Seriously, this guy needs a night out with Riss, Geo, Abel, Steve, Mike J and Tony.

5. Poor Aaron. I think he thought he was going to have a one-night-stand with the First Lady. Two years later he's stuck bring kiwis to this crazy broad. He looks like he lost weight. That's probably automatic when you hook up with a crazy chick.

6. Poor Ambassador to the Random Arab Country. I think the VP made him soil his undergarments. Tom, you've already committed to the lie. Suck it up.

7. *Insert Riss saying/singing "Aaawkwaaaard"* The non-handshake by Aaron was foul but ballsy, considering Logan tried to have him killed. "How does it feel to know Aaron is tapping this?" (Ok, that's not what Martha actually verbalized but it IS what she said). Just awkward moments all around. Oh and the death of Logan didn't move me at all. (Editor's note: It affected me a tad. Am I a total pussy in my old age or what.)

8. Is 24 telling us that major political decisions are made based on the 5 minute conversations of a crazy former first lady and a Russian first lady who has no clue what's going on? Seriously?

9. Blond Assistant to the VP seems shady. (Ed's Note: All people who do gangbang pron seem shady when you meet them in their clothing.)