August 16, 2006

Clean Penii, Supernova, The Weirdest Wake Ever and Pron

Clean Penii, Supernova, The Weirdest Wake Ever and Pron

(otherwise known as)

Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume 19 (I Think)

I've really been slacking with the show for the past month or so, but this time I actually had a musical theme. Not that it matters, since only 5 songs got played and the rest of the time I yammered on about nothing really important. The download is available here.


-In bed, some men are a bit too ambitious and change positions every three minutes. Let's do the math. If it takes at least three minutes for the woman in question to build up to an orgasm, and he's changing positions every three minutes, then the woman isn't... exactly. In the Mango Radio chat room, Kaan announced that the only position changing going on should be from vagina to ass, then mouth. Um, yeah. Maybe with the random Hoboken barsluts he likes but with normal women, if it was in the ass then it isn't going anywhere near the mouth until it's been sanitized with anti-bacterial soap. That penis should be scrubbed like it's ready to perform surgery.

Ryan sent me this pic during the show, of me grabbing
Manny's wife Janelle's boobs. I guess getting drunk at
family barbeques isn't always a good idea.

-Geo and I went to the weirdest wake in the history of death this past weekend. Thankfully, I haven't been to many wakes so I was really concerned with showing the appropriate respect to the family. Geo wanted to wear a short-sleeved shirt and despite the heat I talked him into a long-sleeved black one, with a tie. We walk into the funeral home and there are people walking around in Bermuda shorts with Birkenstocks. And Hawaiian shirts. There were guys in basketball jerseys and young girls in midriff tops. Over by the casket, 15 or so kids under the age of ten were laughing and playing. People were joking and laughing, but not over nostalgic stories about the deceased, who I didn't know well (my cousin's mother-in-law) but she was a very sweet woman. At one point, I had to tell my friend that his 3-year-old daughter was climbing into the coffin. It was pure insanity. Finally we just had to leave, because we were so disconcerted. It was bizarre. Geo said if his wake was like that he was going to haunt the ever-living shit out of us. I replied that if people even wore shorts and Birkenstocks to my funeral, I would refuse to cross over into the light and instead haunt the fuck out of them at the worst times, like in the shower or during sex or when they're taking a dump. Insanity.

-I watch some reality television, but tend to gravitate towards the shows featuring people who can do things I can't. Like Dancing With The Stars (excepting Master P of course) and my most recent viewing acquisition, Rock Star: Supernova. I don't watch shows like The Real World because I can actually get drunk and climb onto the bar for an impromptu table dance, so why would I want to waste time watching it. By the way, if I were on the show I would not choose to sing "I Will Survive" like some chick did last night. That song is the musical equivalent of Tampax. I did however, watch my very first episode of Flavor of Love the other night. The sole purpose of the show apparently, is to showcase the crackheadiest crackheads ever to hit the pipe, with of course a few exceptions.

-Ben said in the chat room that he can't watch that pron star Charmane Star because she's a Filipina and it's like watching your young cousin having sex. I agreed, for the same reason and also for another one. We have this old pron video Geo's cousin Manny gave me, and on it is Charmane Star and her sister. Not in the same scene, but they're both sucking dick within minutes of each other. Chris Rock once said on The Daily Show that if your daughter gets up on the stripper pole then you have completely failed as a parent. No, if your daughter becomes a stripper then you get a D as a parent. Maybe a D minus if it's full nude. If your daughter becomes a pron star then you have failed as a parent. If TWO of your daughters become pron stars than you have failed spectacularly as a parent, you get an F minus minus minus. They may even make an exception for you and give you a Z. Minus.

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