January 30, 2007

24 Season Six: Hour Six

24 Season Six: Hour Six

Okay people, don't get your panties in a bunch. The recap is coming. Incidentally, it is not too late to figure out what the hell I'm talking about. The Season 6 episodes of 24 are available for download here.

(8:30 p.m. edit)

1. I forgot that Chad Lowe was going to be on. It's bizarre that I even know who he is, considering I can't think of a single show, movie or random product commercial that he's been in. The Chad makes a good weaselly character though.

2. John Cage is apparently this season's "Hollywood Lecture on Why You Should Hate Donald Rumsfeld" character but he has some of the best lines. I laughed out loud when he looked at Karen, signed with heartfelt frustration and said "No Karen, you're wearing ME down." I laughed even harder when he said that when the Constitution was created, "it took half a minute to load a musket." Anyone that can sarcastically throw the word "musket" into a conversation automatically has a fan in me. And when he made his play to blackmail Karen into resigning, and she tried to grow a pair of balls and threaten him back by saying everyone had their skeletons, and he said "Yes, everyone has skeletons in their closet, but not everyone has PROOF" I jumped up and applauded. Sleazy? Yes. But you play to win or you don't play at all.

3. Nadia aka Shiny Hair Girl was inadvertently hysterical when she pouted over the new restrictions on Muslim government workers. I mean you assume that the restrictions are going to hinder CTU's investigations, but so far all she's done is toss her hair becomingly and look pretty. In my head Bill Buchanan replied "I'm sorry your high-level clearance has been disabled, I hope this won't affect your ability to forward your friends warnings about microwaving Saran Wrap and not sticking their fingers into payphone coin return slots to avoid getting The AIDS."

4. How great was it when Jack's brother Dr. Romano started blubbering while he was being tortured and Jack didn't buy it, so he quit and was like okay fine, you got me.

5. Jack's dad has a random mercenary terrorist unit at his disposal. I'm a bit moist.

6. Milo aka Pubes had the fourth best line of the night, one that instantly changed my opinion of Nadia. "It's ridiculous to think she might be a terrorist, she's a registered Republican for God's sake." What, she is?????????? *lace doilies and puppy dogs feeling* Nadia, we can be friends. Let's go brush our hair. If you're lucky I'll even paint your toenails for you.

7. I understand Walid has had no formal training in undercover work, but neither has my 8-year-old nephew and he would have been less obvious at gathering intel. Walid might as well have sauntered up to the Would Be Terrorist Posse and said "How's it hangin' boys, done any... TERRORISM lately?"

8. We interrupt this 24 recap for a brief public service announcement. "Milo, you're a CTU agent for God's sake. Stop thinking with your dick." Although in his defense, it worked like a charm. Nadia's panties are going to hit the server room floor faster than a leopard-print thong hits the stage at a Motley Crue concert. (What can you do, they were playing "Girls Girls Girls" -- just kidding. Please. I don't wear leopard print. Anymore.)

9. For a moment, just for a moment, can we please assume that women are capable of tendering their resignations without crying? Please???? When I tendered my resignation at the NBA I had to forcibly restrain myself from breaking out into the choral refrain from "Ode to Joy."

10. In the 24-verse, apparently it takes longer to extract an undercover operative who is 15 feet away, than it does for Jack to get from Reseda to Downtown L.A., by skateboard.

11. Jack dragging his shady brother Dr. Romano around and handcuffing him to random things was pretty great. I wouldn't mind if 24 decided to re-visit a Chase moment and have Jack hack one of his brother's arms off. Then, Dr. Romano would have had his arm cut off in two shows on two different networks. That's got to be some kind of milestone.

12. This has nothing to do with 24 but for you Friday Night Lights fans reading this (Geo and Kwam), I spent this morning teaching my girls how to go:

"CLEAR EYES" *point to eyes*
"FULL HEARTS" *chest pound*
"CAN'T LOSE!!!" *fist in the air*

Kwame's 24 Thoughts:

1. Graham's name is spelled "Graem." No wonder he's so cranky and angry at the world.

2. Kaan mentioned this already, but not only is it far-fetched that America would have two black Presidents in 10 years, it's also far-fetched that the second one would be single, once helped his mistress kill her rich husband (who was his brother's major campaign contributor), walk like a thug AND talk like a robot when giving a speech. Wayne, you didn't make the people of America feel safe AT ALL.

3. "...single shot musket..." I laughed out loud but also nodded in agreement when Tom was making his very well-stated argument for more drastic security measures. I know Riss, I know I'm "the worst liberal ever." Lani is cringing as she reads this.

4. Nadia, you weren't doing anything anyway. You translated one line of Arabic in 5 hours. Plus, I think you're a mole.

5. 24 writers stop trying to make Pubes the new Tony Almeida. I knew Tony Almeida and you Pubes, are no Tony Almeida.

6. I thought Jack's dad would be a little more badass. He just didn't have that aura that you would expect Jack's dad to have. He has plenty of time though to convince me. A few head shots to random terrorists should do it.

7. Sandra Palmer's boyfriend has no stealthiness whatsoever, he brought that beatdown on himself. "Umm, I Don't Have The Phone" Idiot should have gone to the guy and said "Hey, you dropped this." By the way, was I the only one who thought it was funny that they went through all that trouble and the detainees got their info from a website? Chloe looked so annoyed.

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