Random Shit

Random Shit
I was going to do a small Golden Globes runway recap but then I realized I didn't give a fuck. Some quick thoughts on the Golden Globes though:


1. ARRRGGHHHH YOU FUCKING GOLDEN GLOBE BASTARDS ARE KILLING ME!!!!! KIEFER SHOULD HAVE WON!!! DON'T YOU "FOREIGN PRESS" MOTHERFUCKERS WATCH 24?!?!?!?!?
2. This chick that won from Six Feet Under looks like she stripped her couch to make her dress.
3. Tim Robbins' son looks just like him. I'm not certain that's a good thing.
4. Renee Zellweger never impresses me in movies but she seems to be a perenial nominee/winner. I think she's just one of those people others like to see succeed because she's not pretty but not ugly and not skinny but not (that) fat so they always put her name on the ballot.
5. So the "foreign press association" voted for a British show for Best Comedy? That's a big surprise. I might not be so cynical if the clip they showed was actually funny. Okay the guy who accepted the award is funny. "I'm not from here, I'm from a little place called England. We used to run the world before you."
6. Christina Ricci has a midwestern acent????'
7. Has there ever been a more annoying person on the big screen than Brittany Murphy? Or maybe I'm just biased because her character in 8 Mile was such a dumb useless skank. You can tell Brittany Murphy is still in love with Ashton Kutcher. Why do girls always fall in love with gay men. Don't believe the Demi hype. When he's all alone at night, Ashton jerks off to pictures of Brad Pitt.
8. And the Token Nonwhite Award goes to some guy with a pear-shaped head.
9. It kind of irks me that the head of Sony Pictures (arguably one of the most powerful women in the entertainment industry) looks like a big fat oversexed teenage dork. She looks like she'd bang a guy for a twinkie.
10. Sofia Coppola won... Wow, that isn't nepotism at all! "I'd like to thank my Daddy, because if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have won this award."

Psycho of the Day: Some crazy Ebay guy pretending to be a young girl. Why do they let these freaks out of the asylum. Then when police raid his house they're surprised to see his collection of dismembered penises and human skin.

So supposedly Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck broke up. Hopefully this isn't just another false alarm and we won't ever see another nauseating article about them ever again. And maybe I'll win the lottery. I don't understand them as a couple anyway. Ben seems so smart and yet so stupid. Everyone knows there are girls you bang so you can brag to your boys about how you teabagged her and girls you take home to Mom. How could someone who co-wrote Good Will Hunting confuse the two. I can just see her at the country club, discussing how great the restaurants are "in the state of Miami."

So in Georgia apparently, they have a mandatory ten year prison sentence for anyone statuatory rape. Do you have any idea how many guys I know would be in jail?? Ya'll are lucky we're in Jersey and not Georgia or you'd be tossing salads with syrup or jelly. Tyrone prefers jelly. And you're lucky we don't have the Thought Police either because then the rest of you guys would be in jail too.

Anyone else read shit like this and immediately get cynical?The McDonald's heiress gave a whole fuckload of money to the Salvation Army. What that means to me is not that more hungry people are going to be fed, but rather that the Salvation Army's top execs got one hell of a raise.

It's good the government is focusing their time, energy and money on catching the REAL criminals and not those misunderstood rapists, murderers and car thieves.