Back Door Bonanza

I am never one to miss an opportunity to segue seamlessly, so I am going to cut and paste something from one of my old blogs (when I was wondering if I'd ever want to be a sex columnist).

Back Door Bonanza

Questions from a reader:
"Why don't girls like anal sex?"
"What can a man do to introduce anal sex?"
"What signs should a man look for to determine if a girl likes anal sex?"

It's not that women know for certain before they've tried it that they dislike anal sex. It's just that women (like all humans) have an inherent dislike of pain. For example, if we were to remove the homosexual implications of anal sex and it were widely accepted for men to engage in it, back-door male virgins would be just as apprehensive to open what was previously a one-way street. I think what happens is that a large majority of women fall into one of two categories. Either they've never tried it or they've tried it once and had a bad experience. Most likely the guy they were with had seen too many pornos and figured her ass was just like another vagina. It's not. Eventually for some women it can be similar but usually in the beginning it's not that easy. Biologically speaking, the region in question is the same on men and women. If a man really wants to know why women can be freaked out by the idea of anal sex they have the same equipment to figure it out.

One thing a man should do to introduce anal sex is to bring it up in a relaxed conversation. It's not really something that should be discussed after she's had a bad day, or out of the blue. An example of how *not* to do it is this:

You: Hi Honey, how was your day at work?
Her: Lousy. I got fired.
You: You did? Let me make you feel better. Bend over.

Over a few glasses of wine, turn the topic to sex then eventually ask her thoughts on anal sex. The more you know about her predisposed notions or past history regarding it, the easier it will be to formulate your gameplan. If she asks you your thoughts on the matter, tell her you find it enjoyable if the woman does. If you've never done it before then tell her you've always been curious about it but that it's not a huge deal. The latter might especially work in the man's favor if he has an insecure girlfriend who is perturbed by his past sexual experiences. She'll figure she may not have been able to be his first, second, third fourth or nineteenth but here is something they can share that he's never experienced with anyone else.

What to do if she says...

"Eeew. I think that's disgusting and I could never do anything like that."
You've got your work cut out for you here. If she's truly close-minded about it then the worst thing you can do is try to rush it or come on strong. Over a period of time, start introducing the back door as a sensual part of your sex life so she becomes more accustomed to it. Toss some salad, slip your finger in a tad while you're doing it doggy, etc. The key here again is to take things SLOWLY. The less pressure she feels and the more comfortable she gets with her body as a whole, the higher your chances of success.

"That's something I've always wanted to try but I've heard it hurts."
Tell her you've heard that it can be uncomfortable ("UNCOMFORTABLE", NOT "PAINFUL") in the beginning if the man tries to rush things, but if done right can be very pleasurable for the woman. Discuss it as if you find it intruiging but not like you're going to die if you can't stick it up there right at Applebee's, before they've even served the tortillas spinach dip. If you get to the situation where she's actually willing to try it, make sure she's absolutely relaxed first. This may require alcoholic reinforcement or it may require a warm oil massage.

"I LOVE anal sex."
Pay the check. Grab a mint on the way out.

Unfortunately, it's not really a man's world or all women would be wearing signs like "I swallow" or "Easy hit: All it takes is 3 drinks" or "I live with my boyfriend and he's a cop." There's no litmus test to determine if women are inclined towards anal sex without really discussing sex with them in the first place. Common sense dictates that the more comfortable and open she is with her sexuality, the more likely she is to be open to non-traditional sexual adventures. Then again, sometimes it's the quiet ones you have to watch out for. Your best bet is to ask.