Valentine's Day

Valentine's Day

Geo: He says she wants to rent a room at a hotel for the weekend. But he doesn't want to go.
Me: Why not?
Geo: Because then she'll want to have sex. I was like "Dude, when's the last time you porked her??"
Me: "Porked" her??? Who says that? It's like your word "cock."

(Editor's note:Geo went on this 3-week thing once where for some reason he'd just randomly say "MY COCK" whether or not it was pertinent to the discussion. We thought it was funny because prior to those weeks, he'd never said the word in his life. We also like to randomly add "doooot coooooooom" to the end of sentences, like in the Expedia commercials. I guess if you combine them you'd get "MY COCK... dooooot cooooom." Okay I'm off on quite a tangent now so let's go back to our regularly scheduled programming...)

Geo: So he says it's been over a month. And the time before that was like a year.
Me: Shut the fuck up.
Geo: He says she won't go south of the border and that she only wants it ONE WAY.
Me: Really?
Geo: He said "Dude, have you ever heard of a chick who didn't like doggy?"
Me: I really haven't.
Geo: You know?!?!
Me: So is he going?
Geo: Who knows. He said he's used to freaks.
Me: He wants BUTT SEX!!!
Geo: Affirmative.
Me: She's not a butt sex kind of gal.
Geo: Not at all. I told him to just go and bang her already. I feel so bad for her.
Me: Sympathy fucking is like giving change to the homeless. It seems like you're helping but you're not addressing the real issue.

The problem with telling your man you only want it missionary and that blowjobs aren't your thing, is that you then run the risk that he'll go elsewhere to fill his quota. The most basic economic principle also applies to sex and sexual variation. Your supply has to meet the demand or the consumer will go elsewhere.

Happy Valentine's Day people!