Awards

Awards
The winner of the "Put Something Else On The Obituary" Award is this guy, who got bit to death by an aroused horse.

The "I Didn't Order This" Award goes to this woman who went out for a special lunch on Mother's Day and found a mouse in her soup. Note to self: Never eat at any restaurants named after a brand of cheese.

The winner of the "Balls The Size of Texas" Award is this French policeman who got caught driving around wearing only fishnet tights, while soliciting for male customers. But only if he ever steps foot in the squadroom again.

The "So Glad I Ate This" Award goes to some woman in California who was eating a hot dog and swallowed a bullet. You know she's going to sue Costco for millions and they'll settle out of court with her for 5 or 6 million as opposed to the 15 or so she'll go for. Meanwhile Costco will make it up in the thousands of people who'll flock to Costco, hoping to swallow a bullet.

The "Going To Hell In A Handbasket" Award goes to anyone who thinks they can attend online church services and get away with fulfilling their Sunday obligation.

The "No Shit Sherlock" Award goes to a market research group in Los Angeles that just figured out that boys like to play with video games more than actual toys.

The "Lose-Lose Situation" Award goes to Kobe Bryant and his accuser. Either he is a rapist and both will suffer for the rest of their lives, or she is a liar and both will suffer for the rest of their lives. If he is a rapist then I hope they don't show him any special consideration due to his fame. But if she is a liar then they need to toss her ass in jail instead.

The "Vilest People On The Planet" Award goes to this group of nuns, if they are really guilty of abusing deaf children. I mean abusing children is bad enough, but abusing deaf children? Were there no blind ones available? Okay that was foul. But the subject matter is foul. Strap them in and flick the switch I say!!

Okay I have no smart ass comment to make on this article. Animals are just gross. Meanwhile non-incestous animals are thinking "humans in Appalachia are gross."