Going to Church in Jersey City

Going to Church in Jersey City

Geo and I have been attending church lately, mainly because we want our daughters to have a foundation for religion. I don't want to push strict religious laws on them or anything like that, I just want them to grow up educated about it. I myself don't adhere to every rule of Catholic dogma, I don't agree with some of the philosophies. For example, I don't believe in a vengeful God who sends people to hell for not going to church or having premarital sex. I believe as long as you are essentially a good person, God will find a place with a comfortable climate for you in the hereafter. That being said, I do however think the best way to introduce religion to a child is through books AND the actual process of attending mass every Sunday.

But I have a bad habit of thinking inappropriate thoughts while in church. I don't do it on purpose, in fact I distinctly try to do the opposite. But what ends up happening is that I tell myself not to think about something and then inexorably I start thinking about it. If ever there was a market for porn set in churches I have some pretty good ideas. Or pretty bad ideas actually. So in order to not think these things I shouldn't be thinking of, I read the missilettes. But those are very short and are only changed once a month. So then I start people-watching. Yes, I suppose I could actually listen to the sermon. However I have a distinct inability to prevent my mind from wandering and that's when I start to get in trouble.

Catholic churches in Jersey City provide much fodder for entertainment. The one we go to has parishioners who are mainly Filipino. What this means is that the older people are busy playing "Keeping Up With The Joneses" and the younger people are busy checking each other out. I can't really speak for the people our age, because I never see any. It seems like almost everyone else is either above 40 or below 20. The older Filipinos pay attention to the mass, but the moment mass is over they congregate outside and brag about things. The younger Filipino guys check out the younger Filipina girls and the younger Filipina girls check out the younger Filipino guys, while alternately glaring at each other and primping. Those idiots even include me in that sometimes, as if I wasn't about 10 years older than them. Like when it's time to say "Peace be with you" they just give this half turn of their lips and mumble "peace." Nice. Don't be afraid to be petty in church. Oh and don't get me started on some of the slutty ass clothes some chics wear to church. Are you worshipping God or going clubbing?

This chic who used to live near us sweated Geo pretty bad (I guess "Thou shalt not covet thy pregnant neighbor's husband" is not a commandment in her religion) and would always invite us out with her friends. I finally said we should go at least once because she kept asking, but Geo vetoed the idea because this girl was (in his words) "a member of a cult." It wasn't an actual cult, it's this group called "Couples For Christ" that Geo thinks is a cult because he got dragged to one of their meetings/masses once in Toronto and they sit in gender-specific sections. When I first heard that I thought it was pretty amusing, but on further reflection it makes sense. Of course they would want people to focus on worship and not on that hot broad in the next pew.

I only wonder if it actually works, or if guys end up scoping even more chics out since they're sitting with their friends and not with their mom. Like when Horny Teenage Boy #1 sits with his parents, he has to look like he's paying attention to the priest, so all he gets to do is quietly gawk at Hot Teenage Girl #3 every now and again. But when he sits with his boys, he can lean in during the sermon and be like "Yo, check out the honey in the pink" or "Yo isn't that the chic Joel and Charlie were banging?" I have to add another sentence, if only so that my post on mass doesn't end with the word "banging." Crap there it is again. Oh well. It's not like I didn't curse accidentally 4 times in church today. I was holding one of my sleeping daughters and I was freaked out I was going to wake her because I kept fricken coughing. And every time I coughed I'd be like "Dammit. Oh. Oops" Oh well. Again, I believe in a benevolent God, one that isn't going to send me to hell for cursing in church. How convenient for me.