But first a quick WOO-HOO... This guy who's been running Jeopardy rocks. My sister, my dad and I used to sit around answering the questions every day right before dinner. Sometimes from the dinner table with our mouths full. We'd always scream "You're reading ahead" at each other in between every three questions or so. Good times. I bet if my dad went on that show he would do well. He knows the most obscure facts about every subject, it's kind of freaky.
- Today's Gripes:
Automated phone calls from telemarketers... Isn't that a violation of the Do Not Call Registry?
Solicitors... Do people really buy things from door-to-door salesmen anymore?
My ears are a bit sunburned.
Simultaneous rain and humidity is unpleasant.
I'm hungry
I need to vacuum.
Spelling "vacuum" is a pain in the ass
Celebrities with opinions
Pedophiles
On solicitors: While part of me feels guilty about not supporting people that have one of the crappiest jobs ever, I am not trying to open the door to some stranger. I have pretending-no-one's-home down to a science. I just ignore the door. Who cares if they can hear the television. And the radio. And my girls crying. And the dogs barking. And the subtle swish of metal against leather as I unholster my Sig. Just kidding.
On celebrities with opinions: I've been telling people I wasn't sure I was going to vote for Bush in November, that's actually why I haven't attended any of the Republican National Convention volunteer orientations. But I'll tell you what, the idea of voting for John Kerry makes me pretty sick. Almost literally sick. He's like the second sleaziest man in politics (Jesse Jackson is first.) And you know what makes me laugh? How so many celebrities are liberal. "Tax cuts are criminal" they say... yeah of course they can say that. They keep their millions in offshore accounts. What do they care about taxation. My theory behind it is that being liberal alleviates their own personal guilt. They make their livings because the common man who makes $5 an hour has paid $20 for their CD or $10 to watch one of their movies for two hours. So they make themselves feel better by pretending what they care most about in this world is the plight of the every day person. I'll tell you what, as one of those every day people, I wish they would just go back to their gold-plated toilets, 500-count Egyptian cotton bed sheets, private golf courses and just shut the fuck up. Don't speak for me. Speak for the other people who can afford to spend eight million dollars on a beach house. Yeah I know, they're entitled to their own opinions too, it's just nauseating. We watch your movies because we like what the screenwriters tell you to say and what the director tells you to do, not because we actually think you're bright enough to have a valid opinion on things. They need to stop worrying their pretty little heads over these matters. Or in Whoopi and Chevy and Barbra's cases, their ugly big heads.
On pedophiles: We hit up the laundromat yesterday and there was this nasty ass pedophile there with his daughter. Geo saw him full on check out a girl in a miniskirt, who was about the same age as his kid. The guy even turned around to break his neck some more. NASTY. His own daughter was dressed in a midriff and those shorts that children's clothing companies so irresponsibly make. You've heard me bitch about them before, those short shorts that have words like "HOTTIE" or "DIVA" or "CUTIE" written in big letters right across the ass. I mean I understand making them for adults, some women need attention like other people need food. But to make them in size 4-14 kids then sell them in kids clothing stores... that's just too fucking much. And the parents that let their 7-year-olds walk around in this shit... what the fuck is wrong with you people? Why don't you just put her in a leather thong and sell pictures on the internet? I hate you people. But not as much as I hate pedophiles. So back to the pedophile at the laundromat, I had no clue what I was supposed to do. I mean it's not like I had any concrete evidence that he was a pedophile. He could have just been your garden-variety pervert. I mean you can't call up the police and be like "Yo, I saw some guy check out an 11-year-old girl." But if I ever see him on the news I'm going to feel really, really bad.
On my sunburned ears: They really itch. Damn you SPF 4!!!!!! Nahh, my arms and belly rocked Net's SPF 4 but my ears were covered in SPF 45. Apparently though, I should have gone higher.
No comments:
Post a Comment