First and foremost, Stefan Edberg and Steffi Graf were inducted into the International Tennis Hall of Fame. I had to put this first because growing up, these two were my idols. I thought they were the greatest people ever (that I wasn't related to.) The one time I've ever met a celebrity and been utterly tongue tied was when I met Stefan Edberg when I was 11 or so. Which probably worked out pretty well because I don't think he spoke English very well and foreign athletes probably hate having to sit there and try to act like they know what the hell fans are yapping at them.
Okay don't be afraid to be the most fucked up husband ever. "No Mecca for you!!!" *said in my very best Soup Nazi impersonation* Is it wrong that the line that made me cringe the most was the phrase "some girls have to go through a virginity test?" Are the results just in "yes" or "no" format or is it like a scale with 5 meaning "very strong hymen" and 1 meaning "no hymen at all but I can see where once there was one" and 3 meaning "well the hymen is still here but damn, it's taken a beating."
Do you guys ever get lost in links and pop-ups and end up on some random German site with all words and no pictures. And then all of a sudden you see the word "pussy" and laugh because you know that's not a German word.
People are making a big deal about Michael Moore's new movie. Who cares. The guy is a psycho. Probably twinkie-induced psychosis. I love how people are "re-thinking" their views on September 11th based on his movie. That's like re-thinking the strength of your religious faith based on what you read in The DaVinci Code. Why are people such sheep. The guy thinks September 11th wasn't a big deal. Do you really think his film is an unbiased and truthful documentary? If Newt Gingrich made a documentary on the Democratic Party do you think that would be unbiased? I think I'll pass on watching 2 hours of spin-doctored, liberal propaganda and omissions. So the president was less than truthful at times. Newsflash: Every president lies. All of them. Because honestly, we as a society aren't pragmatic enough to handle the truth. The only fact people need to know is we got hit. We hit back.
Thank God more people are commenting. I really thought I was speaking into outer space. Which I guess I kinda am.
Speaking of outer space... oh I just felt Audrey cringe all the way in Hawaii. That reminds me of a conversation we had last week about this guy she's dating:
Aud: So I was telling him that I saw Shayne's ultrasound picture and he replied "Yeah, Random Baby Momma In Florida (sorry, don't know her name) showed me a pic of our child as well."
Me: Really.
Aud: Yeap. But I'm pretty sure that was a lie because he said he got it via e-mail and it wasn't anywhere in his account when he asked me to check his mail. Isn't that something you'd keep? Plus wouldn't he have told me about it when he first saw it?
Me: Yeah it's kind of a big deal. The first time I saw my girls in an ultrasound they looked like two little lima beans. But I showed those lima beans to everyone I met.
Aud: Exactly. But this is the first time I'm hearing of it. It's like he said it just to say it.
Me: You know guys do that though.
Aud: Probably he knows I think she's lying about being pregnant so he's trying to toss something in there to make it seem like I'm wrong.
Me: Maybe he just thinks he saw an ultrasound picture.
Aud (sensing trouble): Oh no...
Me: Maybe he was having one of those episodes of cocaine-induced psychosis...
Aud: Oh God.
Me: And he sat down at the computer and launched Netscape...
Aud: Stop it.
Me: And there on the front page there was a story about NASA's Cassini probe...
Aud: STOP.
Me: And he sees a picture of the rings of Saturn and thinks
Aud (laughing hysterically by now): STOP!!!!!
Me: "Ohh look!!!!! There's my baby!!"
Aud (two minutes later but still snickering): You are not right.
Me: I know.
Aud: People who do coke don't have hallucinations.
Me: I know. But it is the funniest mental image ever.
Aud: It really is.
I am fully aware that I am going straight to hell but:
No comments:
Post a Comment