Me: You want to write about stem cell research today?
My brain: You want me to flash images of Hilary Clinton naked all day?
Me: There's no need to get nasty. What do you want to talk about?
My brain: Same thing we write about every day Pinky.
Me: I'm all tapped out of men banging chickens to write about.
My brain: So just make a list.
Me: Roger that.
More Numbers Because I LOVE Making Lists!!!
23 More Days Until My Sister Leah Comes To Visit
11 More Days Until Rose and Noreleen Come To Visit
9 Drunken People In This Picture From September 1996:
(Jon-Jon, Ken (who I think was sober), me, Rahnel, Thiel, Noreleen, Dennis, Rose, Trisha, Minh)
8 Reasons To Get Thine Ass On A Treadmill
1. Spicy Nacho Doritos and sour cream
2. Spam, scrambled egg and Philly cream cheese sandwiches
3. Oreo cheesecake
4. Turon (It's pretty much a banana, jackfruit and sugar eggroll)
5. Mickey D's Bacon McGriddles
6. Johnny Rocket's chili-cheese fries with extra onions
7. Haagen Daas Creme Brulee ice cream
8. Mountain Dew Live Wire
7 Items On My Computer Table (Besides My Computer)
1. Cup O' Noodles from last night
2. One of the 352 journals I've purchased in my lifetime and never used
3. Tony's digital camera that he lends me in between Vegas trips (where he takes pictures of strippers who can do really interesting things with grapes).
4. A celadon-colored cookie jar I got for 5 bucks at Target. It has no cookies in it though which is the essence of what makes a cookie jar a cookie jar. Otherwise it's just a jar.
5. Some chic lit books that I picked up but didn't really like. They're just so corny. So you don't have a man. So what. That's no reason to whine about it for 300 pages. It's kind of amusing to me that the heroines in modern chic lit books are usually needy and neurotic while the heroines in trashy romance novels set in Regency-era England are all strong and independent.
6. A Laffy Taffy wrapper
7. Geo's credit card which I used to buy a bikini for the first time in 8 years. When are we going to the beach?
6 Chics I'd Sleep With If I Was Gay, Unmarried and a Groupie
1. Shannyn Sossamon (actress from A Knight's Tale)
2. Angelina Jolie
3. Jessica Alba
4. Josie Maran (Cover Girl model turned SI model)
5. Ana Beatriz Barros
6. The cute chic in the black sweats on page 8 of the newest Victoria's Secret clearance catalog
(Editor's Note: Couldn't do a "5 guys" list because the only one I could think of was Julian McMahon and that's probably because of my last dream.)
4 Random Friends From The Past
1. Julia, who was one of my best friends growing up in Los Angeles. Her parents once made me eat a huge tablespoon of raw honey and crushed honeycomb because I wasn't feeling well. I spent the next two hours puking into their toilet.
2. Lucy, a close friend in high school (she was a year ahead.) Her nickname in French class was "Noelle" and we used to pass notes to each other all through class. Hers were always perverted. She used to make fun of me for liking hard rock and I used to pelt her with disdain for being one of those New Kids On The Block freaks.
3. Ben, my first "real" boyfriend. He looked like a cross between Axl Rose and Mike Patton (the lead singer of Faith No More.) I fell in like with him on the first day of school, he had hair longer than mine and was wearing a shirt that said "SHUT UP BITCH." He was probably the nicest boyfriend I've ever had though. I can say that here, because of my ex-boyfriends who read this weblog, one gave my clothes to some ho, one tried to drown me, one threw a glass at my head and the other punched a hole into my dormitory wall that I had to fucking pay $100 for at the end of the term. I'm still friends with them though. I don't hold grudges.
4. Akemi, one of my "bus friends" in high school. We had the same bus stop so every morning we waited together on National and Sepulveda at 6:14 in the morning. We used to hang out on the weekends at Venice beach and comb thrift shops. She led me into my goth phase which I think lasted all of about a week but traumatized my parents for about a year. It ended when I was walking with some chic I barely knew who was carrying a dollhead. I stopped, looked around and went who the fuck are these people???
3 Competitions In "The Redneck Games" Geo and I Caught On TV While Looking For "Wild Boys"
1. Toilet Seat Horseshoe Championship
2. Hubcap Frisbee Toss
3. Bobbing For Pig's Feet
2 Guys Holding Stuffed Animals That Will Kill Me If They See This:
1 Name I Used To Pretend Was My Sister's And Call out In Crowded Places
1. "Petunia"
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