1. Geo started a new job today. He's still going to be doing work with his and Carlos' company but the problem with being self-employed is that you have to rely on the client's ability to to pay you on time. And they don't normally have that ability. Getting a client to pay a contractor on time is like getting Superman to swallow a mouthful of Kryptonite. It's a battle. Speaking of Superman, I need to call Geo and ask him to pick up Identity Crisis 4 on the way home. I read the first three last week and it's pretty good. It really needs its own post though, which I will save for after the final installment comes out.
2. This is officially the BEST ARTICLE I've read this year. My favorite sentences: "Held over from earlier Jim Rose circuses is "French nationalist" Bebe Aschard, whose speciality is blowing fire out of her vagina in what Rose calls a "bush-burning" act. Off-stage, she's Mrs Jim Rose." Yeah, that's the best quality in a wife, "can blow fire out of her vagina." What is he, some kind of sadomasochistic thrill-seeker? That's like extreme sex. You might get laid, OR you might get third-degree burns all over your penis. Oh the suspense!
3. My cousin was telling me a story about someone we know who was threatening to kick some guy's ass and we were both laughing because he said they were all talk. As an adult I feel like giggling whenever someone says that. Actually, the last time someone said that to me I was like "There are about 300 people in this world who probably have legitimate reasons for wanting to kick my ass. Your unimportant self is not one of them." For some reason she walked away after that.
4. Random Things I've Heard In The Last Couple Weeks:
Abel on the movie The Passion: "Damn yo, they beat the hell out of Jesus."
Manny during a drinking game, on why he didn't know that Dickens wrote Oliver Twist versus Mark Twain: "Hey I don't drink books!!!"
Geo on what we should tell people Aud does for a living: "Tell them she tests parachutes."
My sister Leah to my uncle, on why he should do shots with us: "Come on Uncle Ned, I'm your goddaughter. You HAVE to do a shot with me."
5. Yesterday I read yet another really bad book. That annoyed me because it reminded me that writing a book is probably about 30 percent talent and 70 percent discipline. Guess which one I lack, completely. Well it could probably be both. People are always like "You could write it at night" but the truth is, after taking care of babies all day, my brain is about as useful as lint.
6. Eventually I'm assuming I'll be called in for jury duty, just because it happens to everyone. And when that does happen, I'm going to be WASTED. Gone. Drunk off my fucking ass. I figure I'll do about 5 shots before I leave the house, a couple more on the bus and a few in the courthouse bathroom courtesy of my trusty flask that Mike J bought me a few years ago. And why am I going to do this? Just because this judge says I can.
7. I keep seeing commercials for that new show Desperate Housewives. It looks interesting. I'm all about watching rich, sleazy housewives getting back at their secretary-banging husbands. In one part of the commercial a mother says that being a stay at home mom is the best job ever, but then shows she's apparently lying by showing her at home. She's feeding her baby and her baby laughs then spits baby food in her face and she groans. I don't see what the big deal is. My girls do this to me about 8 times a day and each time I think it's hysterical. Geo and I actually have to turn our heads when we say "no-no" so they don't see us laughing. I don't miss working at all. Not even a little bit. Yes, I'm a bit more tired than I used to be. And yes, I have a lot less money than I used to. But I still don't miss it. Even though my last job was pretty cushy, the reason I want to publish a book isn't for literary glory. It's so I never have to set foot in a corporate environment as an employee ever again. Well that and so we can have more kids. Kids rock but it's expensive as hell to raise them AND put them through college like my parents did for me.
8. Darwinists should use how a toddler walks in the beginning as the basis for their beliefs. Because Geo says our girls look like little chimpanzees when they walk and it's eerily accurate. And really funny.
9. I have been craving Indian food for about two weeks. Who wants to come by and bring some tandoori chicken, spicy potato puffs and rice with that yoghurt sauce and green stuff. Oh and warm pita bread. Damn that shit is good. That reminds me of that yoghurt commercial "I'd like to thank the Academy good." I just saw one yesterday where they had two women in ugly bridesmaids dresses and it was wedding-themed. Like they were saying "This is being-paired-up-with-and-usher-who-isn't-shorter-than-you good" and "This is burning this horrible dress good." Some other ones they could have used:
"This is open bar good."
"This is nailing the one hot groomsman good."
"This is a DJ who doesn't think it's the 60's good."
"This is puking into your bouquet good."
Okay maybe that last one wouldn't fly so well.
10. Aud and I are big fans of nice packaging. You might think that's a perverted sentence but it's really not. We literally like products that are packaged nicely. We will even go so far as to purchase the nicely-packaged product, despite how unnecessary it is, out of appreciation for how nicely it is packaged.
- Random Products That Are Packaged Wonderfully
-Arizona Iced Teas (the ones in the bottles with the wide mouth)
-Collectible Barbies. I think that's why I've bought so many of them. They're well-costumed and nicely-packaged. What's not to like.
-Godiva chocolates. The boxes aren't the thin cardboard kind that lose form after awhile like most chocolates. They're thick and if you wanted to you could actually re-use them. I don't know for what, but you could. And they always have the little instruction manual that tells you which chocolate is what so you don't accidentally get a mouthful of some gelatinous raspberry-flavored substance.
-Voss water from Norway. It's just a very clean phallic symbol.
-The Bath and Body Works "Purely Silk" line of products. I am a huge fan of frosted glass.
-Glade air freshening products
-Pringles. The tiny OCD part of my brain is a big fan of potato chips that aren't broken.
-This Nextel phone Aud just got. It comes in a square box with some guy's head on it, perfectly to scale. When Geo held the box up to his face, it's like all of a sudden a 40-year-old white guy was sitting there. On the other side there's a round plastic window to showcase the actual phone.
-Anything from Japan
I have more that I can't think of just yet. I'll post them when I do. I'm sure people will be waiting with baited breath.
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