On Saturday, we woke up early to get ready for G's party since she lives two hours away. It was a big production getting everything packed and people to my house for the road trip. Plus, I still hadn't found an eye patch for my Elle Driver costume. Luckily for me, I'm married to MacGuyver and he made me one. He also made my hat and my little name tag. Geo rocks.
We hit the road at around 5. Geo, Tony, the girls and I were in Tony's car and Aud rode with Mike J. Sometime around Bergen County, Mike tells us that they're going to get a drink and that they'll meet up with us somewhere on the Merritt Parkway in Connecticut. Um okay. They literally walked into the party about two hours after us. And we all left at the same time. I think for his next road trip, Mike is going to post a note onto his dashboard that says:
- Notes to self
1. DON'T tell people you'll meet up with them later when THEY have the directions and you DON'T.
2. DON'T think that you can stop for 20 minutes and then catch up with people who are going 65 mph later on some random highway you don't even know how to get to.
3. NO drink and a donut will ever be worth taking a roundabout way to your destination THEN driving around lost for another hour.
4. DO stop and ask for directions.
5. DON'T rely on ESP to get you there.
The best part of the story are everyone's differing accounts of why they were lost. Mike says they were lost because Aud was stubbornly determined that they find their way without directions and he just wanted to see how far she'd take it. Aud says they were lost because Mike was having a great time with her and was completely gung ho about them driving around aimlessly because it was so much fun. G says they were late because they went to Friday's to have a cocktail. Geo says they were late because they stopped so Mike could give Aud some cock. What's the real story? Who can tell.
So we get to the party and Geo starts changing the girls into their costumes. "Riss, where are the diapers?" Fuck. Oh I know, we always keep some extra in the car! But we took Tony's car.
Fuck. I remembered to pack everyone's costumes, ten bottles, enough formula for a week, baby medicine just in case, wipes, toys, bibs, jar food, spoons, extra baby clothes, Purell, band-aids, anti-bacterial wipes, baby jackets, scullys, scarves and hats, Red Bull for the drive home, directions, even the Supergirl underwear Aud and I got for G a couple weeks ago. But I forgot DIAPERS. So G and I take a trip to Stop and Shop to pick some up, where every person in there stares at us because they've never seen Asian people in real life before and aren't sure whether we'll start fighting each other a la Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, offering them sex for a whole American dollar or doing math equations on the Stop and Shop "Daily Specials" chalkboard.
Back at the party, G suggests me, her friend Todd, Kat aka Jem and whoever do shots. She says it was me, but it was her. She suggests vodka but I haven't eaten so my counteroffer is sake. We compromise by doing shots of sake then chasing it with a vodka-juice mix of some sort. In between rounds I give lessons on how to play Texas Hold 'Em. But it's not for money so I lose interest fast. Eventually, I get a mild buzz but G gets smashed and disappears. I find out later she's ditched her own party for the comfort of oblivion. After everyone leaves, I pile some food to take home onto a plate, then put that into a tray because I'm too lazy to hunt for foil. I go outside and when I come back in, Mike J has added even more food to the mix.
I let G's husband Luke aka "This Guy" know that we (meaning ME) are making off with massive quantities of their food. He tells us to go crazy, because everything we don't take he's going to throw away. WHAT?!?!? Sacrilege!!!!! G made everything herself and do you have any idea how good a cook she is? She's the best cook I know. Naturally upon hearing Luke's horrific plan for the leftover food, I took as much as possible. Filled an entire tray. It was HEAPED with fajita steak, potato salad, macaroni salad, fresh mozzarella and tomatoes, shrimp, Spanish rice and cilantro rice. On the way home I rode with Mike and Aud, because there was no room in Tony's car for the food and I didn't trust Mike not to just go home with it. Yes, I really am a food whore. Literally. We were playing "Kings" earlier and G had to down the cup of beer. She turned to me and said "Do this for me?" Mercenary as always, I said "What will you give me for it?" She replied, "Indian food." "In Hoboken?" I clarified. In Hoboken. Done. I downed it, and was happy to do it.
We got to my house ahead of Tony's car, so we sat and waited because Geo had the only set of keys. Aud had to pee, so I told her to just pop a squat outside. She didn't want to pee on our concrete, so she took a cup with her and peed into that. I told Mike to highbeam her and flash his strobes while she was crouching. We waited until we thought she was peeing, then did it and left them on for the duration of her pee. 10 seconds later we see a hand reach up onto the hood of his car for a paper towel. And of course, Aud had to show us her glass of pee. She then went and dumped it in the street by the curb. Mike and I were in hysterics. "She curbed herself!!!!" Aud said she wasn't actually peeing when we started highbeaming her, because she was too nervous waiting to see what we were going to do. When she saw that we were only going to strobe her, she relaxed enough to pee. What she thought we were going to do was jump out of the car and take a picture of her with her ass hovering about the cold concrete. Which truthfully, would have been our preference except for the fact that we didn't have a camera. Otherwise there would be a pic on here right now of Aud squatting over Dunkin Donuts Coolatta cup.
As it is, you'll all have to make do with these pictures instead:
On Sunday, we headed down to Cherry Hill and did the Halloween family day thing with Manny and Janelle and their son Keiran who is the twins' age. Of course, Geo and I were in costume again. I feel sorry for adults who think they're too cool for Halloween. When Geo and I are older we fully intend to embarrass our kids by still dressing up and going out to party.
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