I'm sitting in a classroom taking some sort of test. It's in short answer essay format but I keep forgetting that I'm taking a test and getting up and wandering around the room. Aud is in the back of the room with like 4 other people and for some reason they don't have to take the test. I can't answer the last question, it's some question about that one cartoon, The Fairy Oddparents which I never watch. I'm completely stumped. Mike J is across from me and offers his answer, but I don't want to cheat so I don't look. Geo is sitting behind him in his cameo appearance but in my dream I don't really know him or Mike. The teacher calls time and upon seeing my blank last question, tries to give me the answer to fill in but I say no. She walks back to her desk and starts trying on stiletto shoes.
Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer walks into the room and apparently he's my boyfriend. I think he's my boyfriend because (in real life) a few nights ago I took this Quizilla test:
Who's your male Buffy soul mate?
brought to you by Quizilla
So he walks in and kisses me and people start gossiping. We've been hiding our relationship for over a month but today we're all lovey dovey since it's the last day of school anyway. Apparently we were hiding it because we were such different people... you know, 400-year-old vampire with a British accent and tennis-playing new girl. Aud wants her white tennis shoes so I go into the hall but can't find my locker to clear out. Someone tells me where it is but when I get there I can't remember the combination. I ask Aud if I can borrow her tennis racket but she says no because then she won't have anything to sit on. Her racket cover is grey with yellow writing and is attached to a seat with folding metal legs. I say I'll take just the racket and she can keep the cover to sit on.
We go to my childhood bedroom which has somehow been magically placed in the school. Aud has pictures of her Indian-looking baby (as in curry not cornmeal) all over the place, in those picture frames that record voices. Her dad keeps coming into my room to play the frames which have recorded her baby laughing. I go outside and my neighbor tells me to get these kids out of her tree. I tell them to get down and they start jumping down, like 20 feet. It stresses me out because I thought they were going to break their necks, so I go back inside the school to have a cigarette. I exit through this side door in the gym and light up. Some cheerleader comes out and tells me to close the door. I tell her this is usually where I smoke and there's never been a problem so she needed to just go back inside. A bunch of her cheerleader friends come out to back her up as I'm finishing my smoke. One of them throws her black dress in my face. I nonchalantly toss it into the garbage on top of some really nasty shit, then proceed to walk back inside while she's freaking out.
I go upstairs to with the intention of delivering some food to a sick friend. The third through sixth floors of my high school is a hospital of some sort. I pass a bed where a Catholic cardinal is praying over a nun dressed in purple who is dying. The next day (which is still the same day but my dream is showing no respect whatsoever to the space-time continuum) the woman has miraculously recovered and even her lost finger has grown back. Orderlies keep blocking my way and sending me to the wrong places so I just give up on the whole food to the sick friend idea.
I go back downstairs and see Spike, who I apparently had gotten into some big fight with. We do the whole kiss and make up routine. We seem to make out a lot in this dream, in random corners of the school. Did I mention this was a great dream? We go outside to head home and the cheerleaders are there. They apologize and we get over it. I'm sitting on steps that have been magically added to the facade of my real junior high school in Los Angeles, where my Dream Director decided to film this last shot. One of the cheerleaders is still super ultra pissed and she starts lecturing me on how I'm new and so I don't understand that in the popular world there are rungs to climb, I can't just jump to the top.
We look to our left and a bunch of hair care products magically appear next to us in store shelf formation, to help her illustrate her analogy. I'm now holding a bottle of that hairspray "Mink" which I used to use in junior high. The cheerleader chick keeps trying to explain her theory of climbing, but I'm just cracking jokes at her expense and her friends can't help but laugh. I tell her that I started around the L'Oreal section of the haircare products but today it could be Paul Mitchell and tomorrow it could be Aqua Net. The other girls laugh hysterically like this is some really funny joke.
Spike leans over and says "What about me baby?"
I reply "You? You're purely top shelf baby."
We laugh and head home to have a drink and hopefully some hot vampire sex.
And then I woke up. Nuts huh? I'm nuts.
By the way, I wonder if vampires talk kinky during sex. Like "Come over here and let me stake you" or "I want to slather you with O-negative and lick it off."
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