"You've Got A Pair of Balls On You"

"You've Got A Pair of Balls On You"

Aud's impending departure reminds me just how much time we've spent together lately. We've spent more time together in the last two months than we've spent in the prior nine years of our friendship combined. Two things happen when two chicks spend time together like that. Number one is way too much information, involving hormones and menstruation cycles. The second is that you guys start speaking like each other, picking up each other's random catch phrases. For instance, Aud has now added "like it's nobody's business" and "super ultra" and the practice of adding the word "ass" after every adjective to her vocabulary, in addition to a bunch of other Riss-overused phrases. I knew I had picked up some of her phrases as well, but was having difficulty pinpointing them. The other day I had a moment of clarity while folding clothes in the closet. I was recounting a conversation that took place the night before with one of those sleazy bar guys that knows a friend of a friend and so you can't be THAT rude to him but if pushed you can be rude enough:

Sleazy Guy: So what are you then, Japanese? Chinese? Filipino?
Me: I'm half Filipina and half Chinese.
Sleazy Guy: Oh. That's weird, Filipino women are usually husky.
Me (misunderstanding): I'm husky? I'm a size 1. You got a pair of balls on you, considering you're fat.
Sleazy Guy: No no, I said Filipino women are normally very husky.
Me: What??? No they're not! What the fuck are you talking about? What Filipina women do you know?
Sleazy Guy: Well I was stationed in the Philippines for a few months so I know all about it.
Me: So because you banged a couple of prostitutes you know all about women in the Philippines?
Sleazy Guy: Ummm...
Me: Yeah okay you need to leave.

The point of the story however was not to illustrate yet another fool who thinks he knows all about Filipina women because he got drunk and banged a few hookers while on an off-base day at Subic. The point was to illustrate the phrase I picked up from Aud which I used inadvertently. "You've got a pair of balls on you." Aud loves that phrase. And now, apparently so do I. "He's got balls of steel" is a thing of the past.

And now to my REAL point of this post. THIS WOMAN has a pair of balls on her. Don't be afraid to take risks, reach for the sky... and move into some random stranger's house and take over it while they're on vacation. Don't be afraid to rip out their carpet and redecorate, walk around in their underwear and pack away $20,000 worth of their shit safely in your car. She has quite a pair of balls on her, and they're made of steel.