Bullshitting Around

Bullshitting Around

Okay, remember a few months ago when I said that article about the immigrants who killed some woman who refused to breastfeed them when they were starving, was the most disgusting ever? Never mind that. This article about some woman in New Zealand is the most disgusting ever. She has been breastfeeding a dog in order to strengthen its protection of her daughter. Um okay. That's a nice way of saying you don't have a man. Why doesn't she just go do what normal women do and pick up a guy at a bar. Or go bang one of her friends. Then again, anyone who lets a dog suck on her tits probably doesn't have very many friends.

Does anyone have $20,000 or so to buy me a Virgin Mary grilled cheese sandwich? I could use some luck. Actually what I could use is a Virgin Mary beer. Or a Virgin Mary bottle of tequila. Or if miracle only appear on actual food, maybe a Virgin Mary country-fried steak from Chili's. Speaking of Chili's, Aud hates Chili's but loves McDonalds. She's a cheap date. Right now guys all over are going oh my God, I can take this chick out on a date to a place with a dollar menu and she'll think I'm cool? Aud's stock just went through the roof. Tonight however, I am going to be eating chicken korma, saag paneer, paratha bread and vegetable samosas, courtesy of Girlie. Because I am a food whore, and she bribed me to down a glass of beer for her at her Halloween party. In retrospect, it's probably a good deal on her part, considering she was already smashed.

(Morning after the Halloween party)

G: Did you tell my husband he could do me in the ass?
Me (seeing no way out): Ummm... welll... yeah.
G: And why is that?
Me: Because he wasn't too pleased that you were so drunk you passed out. So I told him he should be thrilled, and that he could go do whatever he wanted and that as long as he cleaned up after himself you would never know.
G (sarcastically): Thanks Riss.
Me: Just trying to be a friend and diffuse a potentially hostile situation.
G (laughing): He woke me up this morning and asked me if my ass hurt.
Me: Does it?
G: No.
Me: Okay, so no harm no foul.

Okay before feminists and politically correct liberals start getting their panties in a bunch, I was only kidding. I don't actually advocate men preying on drunken women. AND it's not something I'd say to anyone I thought would actually go do it. AND Luke knew it was a joke because he's not a psycho. AND he's not the type to take advantage of a drunken wife anyway. Got it??? So don't waste your time flaming me with comments that are going to go in one eye and out the other. Pirate's eye!!!

Geo loves to come home and tell me about what was on Howard in the morning, because he knows I miss listening to the show. So he comes home and tells me that yesterday, Howard was ripping on Star Jones, which I'm really sorry I missed because Star Jones has to be the most annoying person in the Western Hemisphere. Think of every reality tv pseudo-celebrity out there, add in people like Monica Lewinsky, Amy Fisher and John Bobbitt and you still won't have someone more annoying than the 15-minutes-should-have-been-forcibly-wrenched-from-her-fat-ass-hands-14-minutes-ago Star Jones. Howard was trashing her because she publicly bitched out her The View co-hosts for switching seats at their own table during the ceremony. Someone needs to just lock her in a room with a thousand Krispy Kremes so she can eat herself into oblivion. Then maybe I can actually watch The View on the few occasions they have someone I'm interested in on the show. Hey, you laugh but they had The Rock on once.

So it's sad that ODB died, but does his wife have to come out and publicly start protecting her financial assets the day after? I mean the guy isn't even in the ground yet and she's already making press quotes to discredit all the claims of illegitimate kids. I don't even know why she's bothering. All it takes nowadays is a little blood on a slide and a week. Or a visit to Maury Povich. If those 9 or 19 kids are ODB's, people are going to find out period. There's no hiding it anymore. Not since the advent of DNA testing. The days of he said-she said paternity cases are long over. Ain't technology great?

Random Pic of the Day (Tony, Me, Geo and Carlos on Tony's 30th birthday, at Club NV in October 2003):