The Apprentice Season 2 Finale

The Apprentice Season 2 Finale

Yes, I watched it. I watched it through splayed hands, like I watch all horror movies in the scenes where someone is about to die and you're afraid it's the character you like. Well not really. I must say that as annoying as Jen was the last eight or so episodes, she did put in good effort in her last task. And she wasn't as cunty as usual (though still very cunty mind you). Overall, she still assigned away tasks she shouldn't have, and didn't kiss as much ass as she probably should have. Being a former NBA employee myself, I can tell you beyond a doubt that what 99.99% of NBA executives like is for people they consider inferiors to walk around behind them, with your inferior lips plastered to their upper management asses. This isn't just your garden-variety former-employee disgruntlement here. It's actually in the NBA Employee Handbook. "Article 1, Section 3: When faced with the buttocks of a senior staff member, be prepared to drop everything including any actual work you may have to do, in order to plaster your lips to their asses and appease away any insecurities they might have over the fact that they have to do the same thing to their boss." You can see why I felt it imperative to leave the company.

But I digress. Although I was thoroughly enjoying it. On to thoughts about the actual show.

Why oh why did they bring back the Annoying Midget for this last episode? It's almost as if the producers want to torment ME specifically. Yes, I know the world doesn't revolve around me. Is it wrong that every time she speaks I just want to shake the shit out of her. I think she was pulling for Jen simply because Jen was female, which is pretty stupid. Then again, Annoying Midget Person just might like Jen because she wants to be Jen, not realizing that it would never happen. That in itself is so pathetic I guess it warrants some sympathy. Like she sits at home and watches video footage of Jen tossing her hair and thinks to herself "See, that's what my life was supposed to be like. I loathe myself." Chris likes Jen because he pictures her while he's at home banging his wife. Pam was on the fence about Jen in the boardroom, then changed her mind sometime between then and the live final which doesn't make sense. If she didn't like her when she hadn't seen the show and didn't know Jen was almost useless, how can she then change her mind once she saw the footage of her being useless? Then again this is the person that ridicules little children in front of toy company executives.

The rest of the cast (barring Andy who has legitimate reasons to loathe Kelly) realizes she's done little all season, delegates away the most important tasks so she has someone to blame if things go wrong and that she lies disturbingly well about everything. So one can assume she's a good lawyer. It's kind of lame though that one of the last two contenders has only been PM once and has a 6-8 record. NBC is doing a good job of trying to make themselves look progressive though. You can almost hear their discussions... "Well last season we had a black man as one of the last two so this time it needs to be a woman." Next season it will be a handicapped, Mexican lesbian with an adopted son who was once a Bosnian orphan.

The boardroom itself this time was boring, but it was funny when Jen started bitching at George, because then Carolyn had to step in and regulate. George still liked her even after she attacked him, so I think we know what George does with his free time. Walks into S&M clubs with a pocketful of Viagra like it's nobody's business. I did find it amusing though that Jen had the audacity to say "I question Kelly's integrity." That's like Mariah Carey calling someone a basket case. I can't believe I started pulling for Kelly but to be honest, I liked him more as the task went on. My initial dislike of him stemmed from how dismissive he was of Andy a few episodes ago, but in retrospect why wouldn't he be. He's a 37-year-old, West Point-schooled Airborne Ranger with a JDMBA, who started up three companies, including one that sold for eight figures. And here's this snot-nosed Harvard grad with no experience telling him he knows better. I'm was pulling for Andy at one point, but if I were in Kelly's shoes I might've been the same way. Plus Andy lost all his brownie points in the last 10 minutes of his final show, when he got spanked in the boardroom. Grow some balls kid. And sorry Kwame, but Raj is a tool. Raj is that guy that has to pay for sex.

I didn't see the whole Lincoln Center thing coming, so it was a nice surprise. The parade of Kelly-supporters was hysterical. I seriously thought Jen was about to cry. With rage though, rather than sadness. The score was like 14-2 and one of her two was her boss so he had to say nice things about her. You could kind of tell he was reaching though. The best part was at the end of his uncomfortable speech, when he said "you'd love to grab her..." and you could just see Trump thinking "Well yes, I really, really would. Wait what are YOU talking about?"

While I was still laughing over that one, some broad stood up and comandeered the microphone. "She motivated people who didn't like her." What? What show were you watching? Sit down you dildo. And brush your hair for God's sake, you're on national television. When Omarosa stood up and told Jen she rocked, the camera stayed on the wrong Jen but you knew the right Jen was cringing. It was like salt in the wound. She gets snubbed by the upper echelon of Trump management including Carolyn, snubbed by Troy, Bill and Amy from last season, snubbed by her castmates, then gets validation from someone bi-polar. I would've been like "You can keep in what my boss said about grabbing me, but can we edit out the broad with the mop hair and the bipolar chick? Thanks."

In the end of course, I think Trump made the right decision. Kelly will probably do very well (I mean if Bill of all candidates last season is "doing well" then how can he not) and Jen was meant to cunt around elsewhere. Apprentice 3 looks kind of gay and I currently don't have any plans to watch it, but you never know. What would really pique my interest is if they finally had a real brawl in there. Like they got drunk after a task and just went at it. Unprofessional, yes, but yummy for TV. It's not like the thing is that realistic anyway. Stilettos and midriff tops at a job interview? Maybe at Scores.