The Apprentice: The Semis

The Apprentice: The Semis

This is the show from last Thursday, not tonight. When they walk in from the boardroom, Ivana the Dildo asks Princess Whorebag if the reason Andy got fired was because the bulbous bottle was his idea. And her response did NOT include the words "No, because the idea that went over about as well as vibrators in Amish country was mine" so she's once again a big fat liar. They showed excerpts from the boardroom and I must say that although this is old news by now, I am disappointed in Andy's judgement. He made some lame deal with PW on the assumption that PW would help him Sandy, without realizing that PW doesn't have anything but her looks to stand on. It's his own fault though for falling victim to that age-old ploy that PW uses to her fullest advantage. "I'm an attractive female and if you're just nice enough to me, I might one day let you bang me." Why do you think she's still around, despite the fact that she's done about one thing of substance in any task, ever?

I really hate those lame ass scenes of Donald Trump "wheeling and dealing."

My favorite Ivana comment of the show was "You're presenting your little babies to the surgeon and he's just picking away at this chocolate bar." Um okay. Later on Kevin decides to start selling the candy for a dollar on his own and Ivana says nothing. Yes. There's that legendary assertiveness. Why is she such a fucking dildo?? As an Asian female I am more offended by her high level of dildoness than anything anyone else could ever do on the show.

Sandy and PW's outfits were hoochie but cute. I straight up laughed out loud when the driver said "And I can be the candyman" which grossed them out. Duh. What the hell comment did you think was going to follow the breathless "eye candy selling candy" declaration? Dumb broads. I liked the longer skirt Princess Whorebag was wearing better. Okay sorry, digressing.

It was funny when that first man paid PW. She had no place to put the money so she kind of just held it. And you know she was standing there thinking "Oh God... no pockets. I didn't think this through!! Now I have to stand here and hold this filthy commoner's money!"

For once, I understand why Ivana was pissed. Despite the fact that all's fair in love and business, it is kind of annoying when even intelligent women have to employ slut tactics to win. But if the weapon's in your arsenal, use it. There's nothing Ivana could really do to combat that successfully, so she should have just gotten over it. It happens. It was pathetic to see her walking around offering to flash people and drop her skirt. I mean, she's not exactly on the same attractiveness level as Sandy and PW. And what is she trying to say with that hair, besides "flamboyantly gay man." Seriously, I cringed while watching her walk around trying to sell herself. She reminded me of the crackhead that offered to blow my friend Abel for a cigarette.

Did Sandy and PW have to match their outfits again in the boardroom? Someone throw the flag for Unnecessary Matching, the task is over. When Trump said "Wow very impressive..." to them, what he really meant was "Wow... I'd like to ride you two like a couple of mechanical bulls." And the girl-on-girl hugging session was just too much. We all know you both wished you had a knife in your hand.

The boardroom was useless. We all knew who was going to get fired. The moment that skirt hit the pavement it was over. Actually, it was over once PW and Sandy's strappy shoes exited Trump Tower. Kelly and Kev should have fought fire with fire, taken their shirts off and gone for a stroll through Chelsea at night. Ivana could have pretended to be a drag queen and sold a few too. Women are up in arms that Ivana had the audacity to drop her skirt to sell a candy bar. I'm more up in arms that she had the audacity to do it while wearing some very uncute underwear. She's destroying the reputations of women everywhere.

By the way, that hairpiece really is addling Donald Trump's brains. It wasn't "about price" you idiot, it was about pussy.

I didn't use that many obscenities because you know what, I just didn't care.