Presents, Broken Promises and Another Stupid Dream
I promised G that I would write the third installment of my "A Demented Fairytale" (click here for Part One and Part Two) but I'm too busy adding stupid items to my Froogle list, in the hopes that one of my more generous friends might feel I'm cashworthy just in time for Christmas. I also told Aud last week I'd publish the review of Wicked that's been sitting in my drafts for two years, but don't really want to do that right now either. So let's talk about presents. More specifically, my presents.
Tony already came by and dropped off my gift before heading out to Vegas, but he's kind of being a Present Nazi. Who drops off a gift and orders you not to open it until Christmas. Is it me or is that a bit sadistic? I tried to be smooth and let my girls "play" with the box in the hopes that they would accidentally open it, but the Present Nazi caught me and took it away. Then admonished me like I was a 5-year-old who got caught eating chalk.
Tony is a great gift-giver. Three years ago he got me a Yankees jersey and two years ago he gave me a Jason Kidd jersey. Not the gay ass alternate home uniform either, but the Nets' spiffy navy blue one. And eight years ago or something, he got me a Zippo lighter with a devil on it and the word "Hellbent." I wonder what he was trying to say. I loved that lighter too, before I lost it somehow. I bet someone stole it. Fucking thieves. I hate thieves. Except thieves who only steal food off peoples' plates and pilfer candy from the candy bin at groceries. I can't very well hate myself.
I was going to do some sort of Top 10 Christmas List (I am blog ambitious yet under-motivated) but by the time I got back to this post (after making cards and cleaning the kitchen) it was already 2:30 in the morning. Then I got distracted by Aud ringing me on the tomato) and by the time I was done with our nightly phone sex ritual, it was almost 5. I love that picture. It makes me hungry AND makes me laugh. My point is, I have zero creativity running through my mind right now so Part Three, my book review and my top 10 list is going to have to wait. Unless of course, any of you want to pinch hit for me. Kwame? MPip? Paul? Bueller? Bueller? Bueller???
I was about to hit "Publish" but then remembered I forgot to talk about yet another inane dream I had last night. I dreamt that I was on a weird reality TV show about people who live in a big farmhouse in Minnesota or something. And I kept stalking this guy, who was some random B-movie actor that looked like a poor man's Johnny Depp. Which is a sad visual considering Johnny Depp often resembles a homeless person. I woke up in the dream, next to my sister who was sleeping next to me on a conveyor belt. I started telling her all about my dream and my stalkee, then realized I was still in a dream because why in the hell would we be sleeping on a conveyor belt? Then there was a big chase scene through a hotel lobby. I don't know. Someone analyze that for me please.
7 comments:
As a proper hedonist, I'd like to know more about the 2 hour sex ritual, please.
If you finish your book, not your fairy tale, your book, by hmm February I will buy you, as of the time of this post, everything on your Froogle list.
Mike J
damn - what an incentive!
we're talking about more than a grand worth of stuff here.
unfortunately, there are no carebears on her wishlist and not a lot of food items... i don't know how much of a motivation that is!
Hey Ho, you'll have to speak with Aud about the 2-hour phone sex ritual. She made me sign a non-disclosure agreement.
Hold on Mike, I have to make some adjustments to my Froogle list and renegotiate the terms. By what date in February? There is a large difference between February 1st and February 28th. That's like 27 extra days of procrastination.
You can't get soundwave without Ravage and/or Laserbeak!
Actually that's just a statue. I have the toy (a boxed one and a used one for me to play with) and have Buzzsaw and Frenzy. I want Rumble and Ravage too!
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