Once upon a time, there were three presents who decided to go to IKEA and try to score $100 gift certificates:
But although they arrived three hours before the store opened, they were too late to win anything. Plus, the horrible employees at IKEA handled their event most ineptly and allowed people who weren't even real presents to win:
So the three unhappy presents decided to go upstairs and get some breakfast. But two of the presents left their money in the car and couldn't afford the 99 cents to feed themselves. So they went from most unhappy to extremely unhappy:
They decided instead to go wander around IKEA in hopes of a solution:
But IKEA apparently doesn't put actual food in their dining room showcases, the greedy bastards. Luckily, the present who actually had money with him fell asleep, and the two other presents were able to lift his wallet:
And then some:
So all the presents were able to stuff themselves full of scrambled eggs, sausage, bacon and potatoes. And so our story had a semi-happy ending, in a still slightly unhappy way:
But they lived happily ever after anyways, despite the fact that some people are assholes and others don't know how to plan and implement a decent marketing gimmick. The end.
* * * * *
IKEA had a special holiday promotion today and today only. If you went to an IKEA store dressed as a wrapped gift, the first 30 people would receive a $100 gift card. The exact wording from page 7 of the holiday catalog was "If you're one of the first 30 people to come dressed as a wrapped gift, you'll get a $100 IKEA giftcard." So just for the sheer stupidity of doing it, me, Aud and Mike J made ourselves some costumes and headed on over to the store in Elizabeth. We got there mad early, and there weren't that many people around. But we found out that was because most people arrived around the same time we did, but about 50 or so arrived at 4am. Fine, no biggie. I'd rather we not even be close anyway rather than miss it by minutes. But what was amazing in its idiocy was the fact that when we went inside, we saw the people who "won." Only about three of them were actually wrapped up as presents. The others had like one piece tinsel or a scrap of wrapping paper taped to their jackets.
One guy showed up with his entire family, he and his wife and I guess mom had like a foot long piece of wrapping paper taped to their necks, his kids had one gold piece of christmas tree tinsel each, and he even had a fricken baby in a carseat, with a closed gift bag tucked to the side. They all counted, so he went home with $800 in gift certificates. Great. Well if that's the way they wrap Christmas presents in their family, they need the certificates way more than we did anyway. Except of course, that all the kids were in Jordans. Nice. We were annoyed, but what can you do.
The funniest part was that outside there was a mob of really pissed off people, screaming at some random IKEA guy. I thought the rabidness was going to overcome them and they'd start beating the crap out of that guy. I don't know if we'd have been able to stop them. As evidenced by the pictures, it wasn't very easy to move our arms in a flexible manner. Especially Mike J. I suppose he could have just head-butted (box-butted) the lot of them.
Let me just channel Aud here and issue a Fun Fact #1: Aud's gift tag read "To: Mike, From Santa" followed by the words "HO! HO! HO!" which we thought was hysterical. It wasn't an inference of sorts, I just thought it'd be a funny thing to write on there. Mike's tag said "To Aud, From Mike" and then "Happy Chanukah!!" We even drew a menorah and of course Aud had to pick the Chuh-noo-ka spelling.
The IKEA employees got all happy to see us when we walked in, because we actually looked like real presents. They took pictures of us, supposedly to put up or place on their website. Yeah, I don't remember signing any waiver. Bitches. See if I ever buy Svalka glassware and Jarpen shelves from you ever again.
Fun Fact #2: Those hazelnut chocolate cookies IKEA sells for a dollar absolutely rock. I could eat about a thousand of them before... well, tossing my cookies.
Well at least we have Halloween costumes for next year. And we had fun walking around in such ridiculous costumes. Aud and I wanted to wear them into Jersey Gardens and embarrass her mom who was shopping there, but Mike J refused. Even though his costume had no armholes or a hole for his head, so no one would have recognized him anyway. But we really couldn't complain, he was a good sport about the whole thing. Even gave up his one day to sleep in to join me and Aud in making asses of ourselves. Now that's friendship!!
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