May 9, 2005

24: Hour Twenty-One or Twenty-Two

24: Hour Twenty-One or Twenty-Two

1. I'm all of a sudden liking Bill the Shady Division Guy, but it might just be his "We don't have time for your personality disorder" comment to Chloe. After her whole offer of a shoulder to cry on to Jack however, I'm starting to think her personality disorder is just unrequited love. Jack should give her a sympathy bang, you know for service to the country and all that. It'd be better than a Presidential Medal of Freedom. The medal would just hang on her bare wall somewhere. But if Jack gives her a Bauer Banging of Freedom then it will give her something else to think about months from now, while she's smothered under a sweaty, naked, crumb-covered, wheezing Edgar.

2. "We both have a job let's just do it." Audrey has a job??? When did this happen? I know she's had a messed up day and all but so far I haven't seen her do much of anything except gripe at Jack, fondle Paul, chat with Michelle about her love life and have a few awkward conversations with her father. I think if you were to actually jump into the world of 24 and zoom in on her notepad, it would say:

    Mrs. Paul Raines
    Mrs. Jack Bauer
    Audrey and Paul 4-ever

    Things To Do

    -Whine a whole fucking lot
    -Rub up on Paul as an apology for banging Jack while we were still married
    -Bother Jack with my stupid, inconsequential feelings, preventing him from focusing on saving millions of lives
    -Tell my Dad to get me a better job and maybe a new Jag while he's at it. Oh and a necklace with Jack's name spelled out in diamonds, with Paul's name on the other side spelled out in rubies.
3. Why are people thinking about their damn relationships at a time like this? Is it too much to ask that Tony and Michelle, Jack and Audrey, Jack and Chloe, Chloe and Edgar and Tony and Bill and Curtis and the guy who fixes the copiers and everyone else focus on their love lives TOMORROW, after the threat of a nuclear attack has passed?

4. Audrey works for the DOD and the political implications of why she should alibi Jack have to be explained to her? That conversation went like this in my head:

Jack: The investigator from the Chinese Embassy is here, wanting to question me about where I was during the attack on the consulate.
Audrey: Paul is dead Jack, why are you talking to me.
Jack: Because I told them I was working with you on some analyst reports.
Audrey: So now I have to lie for you?
Jack: Well being that we weren't actually working on reports together, because I was off attacking the consulate and trying to save your miserable life and that of tens of millions of other people... yes.
Audrey: I don't want to lie to them.
Jack: You're telling me that you can lie to everyone else just for the privilege of having my dick in you but you can't you lie now to prevent a nuclear war with the most populous country in the world?
Audrey: Ummmm...
Jack: Fine. Go back to doodling and enjoy what little time you have left on the planet, before a shitload of Chinese nuclear warheads land on your front lawn.

5. It's official, Edgar is the stupidest person on the planet of 24. Why else would an interrogator ask him about something as mundane as analyst reports, if not for some ulterior motive. Idiot. In my head, when Chloe pulled Edgar away from the Chinese interrogator she said "Edgar just go sit at your computer and shut the fuck up, you walking vortex of Krispy Kremes."

6. Did anyone else laugh when everyone was watching the missile launch countdown and Jack said "Tony, do something!!" I thought Tony was going to be like "Okay!!!! Michelle, take off your clothes. No wait, we don't have time, just take off the pantyhose."

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