June 11, 2005

Villa and Penis For A Day

Villa and Penis For A Day

But first...

Geo: Woman, I need more soda, what are you going to do about that.

Ahhh... I love that guy. Some women might take offense to such blatant ordering about but hey, the guy stays home and babysits so I can go out drinking with a bunch of guys. He deserves some soda when he wants it. But damn our kitchen is a little too far from the living room.

So me, Tony, Allan and Eric had a "guy's night out" last night, we hit up Villa on Second Ave to "check out girls." Which we did. Literally. I mean the guys sat there all night and discussed pretty much every female in attendance, The Good, The Bad and The Ugly, but made no move whatsoever to actually speak to any of them. Allan has an excuse, he's attached and all that jazz. But T and Eric I think were just feeling lazy. I've never watched E kick it to a girl before but Tony at least has game when he's up to it. The cover was $20 bucks for them and $15 for me (thanks Tony) and T got the first round of shots/beer. The frugal part of me couldn't resist pointing out to him that we hadn't even been at the joint for three minutes and he had already spent $85. Isn't New York pricing grand? At least they didn't serve me a nine-dollar, grape-sized cake.

The place was pricey but worth it because it had a large patio in the back where people could smoke. The crowd was trendy but a bit weird. Everyone on the patio was Asian or Spanish and everyone upstairs on the dance floor was black. The bathrooms were nice but a bit grimy, the kind where you have a feeling that even though you didn't touch anything, and you washed your hands thoroughly, you're somehow coming home with a VD.

Allan and I got into a big debate at the table over how Eric should approach a woman he sees a lot outside of his office building, but who is always with her friends. I said he should bum a smoke one day and converse with all of them, taking care not to single any of them out. I said he shouldn't even clue them in onto which one he's interested in, he can save that for a later day. Allan said he should walk up and only talk to the one he wants, because he dislikes playing games and who cares about the others. I responded that any woman who has any type of self-confidence at all is going to be turned off by someone who disrespects her friends in front of her. If a woman is so insecure she enjoys being elevated at the expense of her friends, there are going to be a whole lot of other issues in the relationship. It's also hard to overcome the label of "sleaze" once it's been placed on a guy, however incorrectly, by a woman. But hey, it's two schools of thought.

I told Geo about our debate and he said he would've talked to all three girls, so he could hook up with all three. Which naturally led into a conversation about whether or not he would let me bang a girl if I woke up one day and magically had a penis for 24 hours.

Me: If I had a penis I'd probably sit around and play with it all day.
Geo: Yup.
Me: Just kidding, I'd go out and bang random chicks. With a condom of course.
Geo: Okay.
Me: You wouldn't mind right? Like it wouldn't be breaking our vows or anything would it?
Geo: No I'd let you do it. Just to see what it feels like.
Me: Hooray!
Geo: But I'd want to watch.
Me: I'm sure that can be arranged.
Geo: Or we could double-team her.
Me: I don't know, I might get jealous watching you bang someone else. Then again, look at Mario Tennis. We're a pretty awesome doubles team. We'd be good as hell. Yeah okay.
Geo: I won't bang her, she can just blow me while you bang her.
Me: Oh good so now we have a plan for if I magically wake up one day with a penis for 24 hours.

That would make a great TV show I think, even better than 24. I could somehow grow a penis and then a camera could follow me around to see what I would do with it. I would do all kinds of things with it. Play with it, bang random women, give people facials, find some snow to write my name with, go to a public restroom and take a piss while walking backwards to see how far I could get. Oh and I'd slap some of my unsuspecting friends with it. It doesn't count after all, it's only a newly-grown penis-for-a-day.

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