July 28, 2005

Drop It Like It's Hot

Drop It Like It's Hot

1. Okay the title of this post has nothing whatsoever to do with the post itself. The song has just been in my head ever since I read Mike's comment that being white AND Jewish AND looking like an Irish guy, he can't pull off "hatin" on anyone. Yet once, Mike J did in fact try to pull off "drop it like it's hot." Thus, the song is in my head. Actually for the record, I think white people can pull off "hatin" and even the occasional "word." What they can't pull off is "fo' shizzle." I can't even pull that off. In fact black people can't even pull it off really unless they're:

A) Snoop Dog
B) Dave Chapelle pretending to be Tiger Woods getting drafted by the "African-Americans" in the "Racial Draft."

Thus ends our slang application lesson for today. Fo' shizzle. HAHA I can't even type that without cringing. I feel like the Slang Police is going to pop up in my living room and give me a citation, "Sorry ma'am, you can't pull that off." Okay so yeah, when I started this post I wrote the title first without intending to write anything remotely related to it and now it kind of fits. See, sometimes you CAN put the cart before the horse.

2. I woke myself up last night because I heard myself say "I'm all in." But it wasn't in a dream because my mind knew I wasn't dreaming so it realized that I had actually said it out loud in my almost sleep. Must...play...poker. Especially since I got a poker-related birthday present but I won't talk about that yet until after the party this weekend, so I don't leave anyone out.

3. I wonder how much money the Verizon "Can you hear me now" guy has. I mean, I realize they probably don't pay commercial royalties anymore, but you figure his contract has to be pretty lucrative considering he's the Catherine Zeta Jones of fricken Verizon. I mean even the commercials that aren't about him, he pops up in the end for a hot second. So he gets paid for that too. I want to do a commercial. Maybe like two a year. Really stupid ones too, so people point at me on the street and say "Hey look it's the Massengill girl!! Mom, do you douche?!?!!!!"

4. Okay so I feel I should clarify in an actual post, to explain away any mistaken impressions on such an important matter.

Smurfette was NOT a ho because she was the only girl in a village of men. She was a ho because she got every guy in the village to do her bidding and make exceptions for her, in exchange for the HOPE that they might get a little Smurf poontang, when Smurfette full well knew that none of them was getting any except Hefty. Wait, that doesn't look right now that I've typed it. I'm sorry, she was a ho because she was banging the whole village. Harmony, Handy, Greedy, Painter, Joky and every Smurf in between was getting a little somethin' somethin' as long as they had something to offer in return, like a cake or a bushel of apples or a week-long vacation from exploding boxes. Everysmurf except Vanity of course.

5. Since I'm not willing to put truly interesting pictures of myself up on here, I have yet to participate in the blogworld event known has "Half-Nekkid Thursday." So instead, I've decided that every Thursday I am going to post pictures of myself fully clothed, like OVERLY clothed. Like Joey-wearing-all-of-Chandler's-clothes-before-Ross'-banquet clothed. "Here is a picture of me wearing a turtleneck and wool pants, wrapped in a blanket." Just kidding. I'm too lazy to do that.

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