July 26, 2005

Stuff In My Head

Stuff In My Head

But first, I rarely have to open a can on a blog visitor, but when I read my last ER thread this morning I realized that sometimes it has to happen. Because you know what pisses me off? Liberal, white men telling others to be patient with life in the ghetto, and with the people who are responsible for making life in the ghetto suck. I am especially tired of liberal, white men who type all this to me from places like high-rise condos in Manhattan and oceanfront homes in St. Petersburg. I realize it is their way of dealing with the guilt of being privileged, but it's still annoying. If you feel so bad about having money or being white, move to the ghetto. Don't tell others to play nice with the drug dealers and car thieves you never see.

Okay back to business here at Tequila Shots For The Soul.

1. Is it me or is the fact that they're making a Smurfs movie just the smurfiest smurf you've smurfed in a while? Sorry, I know it was an obvious joke but I still couldn't resist making it. I loved the Smurfs as a kid, used to wake up at 6 in the fricken morning just to watch them. Yes you just wanted to kick Brainy in the head and yes, Smurfette was a major ho and yes, the show got a bit stupid with the introduction of the smurflings but still. Although I admit just once, I wanted Gargamel to catch a smurf and successfully make him into gold. Some of those smurfs were pretty expendable. Come on, who would really miss Vanity or Clumsy or Lazy Smurf? Well except Smurfette of course, but you know she could totally replace all three of them with Clockwork Smurf. He takes a licking and keeps on ticking. Heh.

2. Is it me or are people making too big of a deal about the Lt. Governor of Pennsylvania going to a Marine's funeral, handing out business cards and campaigning? I mean really... if you can't campaign at the funeral of a soldier who died in combat, where CAN you campaign? Next people will be saying it isn't appropriate to pass out campaign flyers at a candlelight vigil for a missing child.

3. Mike has a blog but no one reads it and he never updates it so I commandeered one of his stories to put on here. Last Friday Mike was on the train when he fell asleep and dreamed he was farting. I mean he was really letting them loose, complete with the shifting of the buttcheek in order to allow maximum liberation. He woke up suddenly and saw two women giggling at him, and realized he was simultaneously acting out his dream in real life. Hee. Oh man we cried when he told us that story. Cried and wished we had witnessed it.

4. Okay, I've been saying it for awhile but this reality TV thing has gotten way out of control. I turned the TV on last night and saw Pauly fricken Shore. Is it just me or should he never have been inflicted on viewers ever again after Encino Man? Or even in the first place (trying to pretend I didn't think he was a bit funny at first). And then I saw a commercial for a reality show about reality tv stars. Huh? My brain is hurting from trying to figure out that one.

5. I wouldn't have it in me to ever blackmail anyone, but if I did I would choose this scheme. A couple in Italy blackmailed a woman into giving them her life savings by saying they were vampires who would impregnate her with the Anti-Christ's son. Now why didn't I think of that? I could totally play the Anti-Christ card.

6. Let's play a game... did I or didn't I?

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