July 18, 2005

"Women Smooshing Insects"

"Women Smooshing Insects"

My birthday is coming up this Sunday. I will be the big 2-9. Don't mind it, although I need that extra year before I turn 30. I have goals you know, like abs of steel and a completed manuscript. My abs are there, buried under a really smooshy layer of.. um skin, yeah skin and the manuscript is there too, buried under a smooshy layer of laziness and brain fat. Feel free to get me a birthday gift (you know the more I read and watch, the more material I have and the funnier I get and the more I write). Okay yeah that wasn't bribey at all.

So besides the whole running-for-office thing, and Bennet's heterosexual picture on a gay p0rn site, here's another reason why I think this internet thing is out of control. I was browsing through the referring links that people used to get here and found THIS. DO NOT click on the link if you're at work and people can see your computer. It's a screenshot of some random adult portal, the kind that reach for anything and everything regardless of relevance, complete with graphic how-to illustrations. The search that pointed to my site says "chicks with dicks" (which I just feel it necessary to point out, is not an accurate phrase to describe me. I have BALLS, not a dick.) I bet this doesn't happen to people who talk about flowers and Dawson's Creek and haircare products instead of how some chick set a record by banging 63,248 guys in 14 hours.

I may need to re-think my subject matters. This, verbatim, is how some people have found my site in the last couple of months:

Women smooshing insects
Cuban transsexuals
Anal plug buffy/spike (denmark)
Chris Rock piece of chicken
Doc Holliday shirts
Bow and arrows
Succubus drink blood story
Horse riding cooking scuba
How to dress like rivers Cuomo
The apprentice troy bikini wax
Average las vegas hooker
Blogspot.com squat pee
Goldie Hawn Society
Chris Child punches Kobe Bryant
Photo copier butt shots
Levis fur jacket jerking off
Hot BYU chics
5-year-old boy poops on sofa
Sponge monkeys and quiznos
Lumbering jackass
Miss Piggy sex cartoons
Abercrombie and Fitch board of directors
Robert horry looks like will smith
Beauty pageant girls and sultan of Brunei
Angelina jolie taking on 3 guys
Kuwaitis hardcore sex
Can men wear dresses
Why do Filipino women prefer to have romance instead of premarital sex
What does vatos locos forever mean

Ahhh... obviously if meaningful and intellectual discussions were germs, this blog would be a used Kleenex. I'll never change though and I'm not certain people want me to. In yesterday's poll, the grand total of people who wanted me to write more book reviews on this thing was like ONE. Which is fine, because if there's one thing I have an excess of it's useless random thoughts. If random thoughts were dollar bills stuck together, my mind would be a strip joint. If random thoughts were vomit my mind would be the floor of a fraternity house. If random thoughts were crack vials my mind would be Jersey City. You get the picture.

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