Buzzed

Buzzed

I'm buzzed so I was going to blog but instead I'm going to go take advantage of my sober husband.

I was trying to think of that liquor poem while playing pool with T (after a few glasses of merlot, some shots and a corona). I came up with:

Wine before liquor, always quicker
Liquor before wine, always fine.
Wine before beer, never fear.
Beer before wine or liquor, always slicker.

Dude that totally doesn't make sense. But I'm drunk and ready to go so who cares.

12:40 p.m. edit: Alright you vultures, I'll give you the dirt... there wasn't any. Normally, I'm not all talk. But in this case I was. Because as I was headed to the bedroom, I had to pass through the kitchen and I got hungry. My friends always joke that I have ADHD and it is never more apparent than when I'm buzzed. I caught sight of the fridge and all of a sudden my stomach had hijacked my... brain? Nervous system? Reproductive system? My point is, I fried myself up a cheeseburger with perhaps a little too much Wasabi Horseradish Gourmayo and climbed into bed really full. I turned to my sleeping husband and considered my options but after the burger, "go right to sleep" sounded a lot safer on the stomach than "move around a whole lot." So I left the lamp alone because if the genie had come out to play, I might have had to cover my mouth with one hand and wave the other one in the air like those people that have to get off the spinning ride thing at carnivals.

Gratuitous movie quote reference:
"What's the other thing that scares you?"
"Carnies... got small hands. Smell like cabbage."

T says the real poem is:

Beer before liquor, never sicker.
Liquor before beer, never fear.

I guess mine is the binge drinker's version. Mine pretty much says "Drink whatever whenever, it's all good." Actually I don't need a poem, just one phrase that says "NO THAT MILKSHAKE IS NOT A GOOD IDEA, YOU FUCKING IDIOT." Seriously. Because whenever I get really drunk, I wander through the kitchen and start thinking that a milkshake would be just the thing. It almost always has disastrous results but does that ever stop me? No. I have actually brought the blender into the living room at 3am so I could make myself a Butterfinger milkshake without waking anyone. And yes, those are really good. Just not a great idea after eight prairie fires. Contrary to um, popular belief (drunken me) milk and ice cream do not in fact mix well with tequila and tabasco sauce.

Quote of the night, before dinner:

Me: One thing about not smoking in the house anymore, I do miss that after sex cigarette right before you go to sleep.
Mike J: I don't smoke so it doesn't matter. Actually, I don't have sex either.

Oh Mike..... you didn't think I'd forget did you?