Out of Juice

Out of Juice

Seriously, I'm out of juice. Let me know what you guys want to see and I'll write it. I draw the line at Harry Potter fan fic p0rn though. There will be no "Harry thrust his magic flesh wand into Hermione's moist portal of womanly magic." HAHAHAHAHA Oh my God is that fucking funny or what. I am cracking myself up. I think it's the Benadryl. I couldn't find the Claritin because the bottle is about the size of my fricken thumb. So I took Benadryl and I feel higher than a kite. One in the air you know, not one all wrapped up in yarn in the garage. Hey, some people are bad with analogies. Okay not really, I just wanted to be able to use the word yarn and it's kind of hard to use in everyday conversation.

Last night I had a dream that I was in a dorm room with some guy Kevin I knew way back, and I had already decided to sleep with him because it had been awhile (you all know Dream Me isn't exactly a stickler for morality.) I'm waving him in but he's looking up at the sky instead of at the tarmac so he completely misses all the signals. Then he sticks his head out the window and spews like he was channeling Linda Blair in The Exorcist. Wasn't too good for Dream Me's ego, but she'll bounce back that little ho.

I've apparently found a cure for writer's block and it's called Benadryl.

The other day I was drowning one of those disgusting brown creepy crawly things that look like the bug in The Matrix that they pulled out of Neo's belly button. It just happened to be in the dogs' water bowl so I just kept the faucet running. But it took so damn long to die, I started feeling guilty about it. So in the end I just let it go. Stupid. I'm going to regret my moment of insect compassion if one of those fuckers crawls into my bed at night. And you know it will be the SAME EXACT ONE. Give a mouse a cookie and it'll want a glass of milk. Or a 3-hour blowjob.

I got an e-mail today from some random person asking why I never do the Half-Nekkid Thursdays. It's not that I'm above it, it's just that after all the pics I throw up on here, the only things left to show half-nekkid are things I'm not willing to post on a blog. People have already seen my arms, legs, butt, elbows, shoulders, feet, neck blah blah blah. Additional pics would just be redundant and I'm not willing to turn this place into my own personal prawn site, despite the machinations of those damn British search engines.

Speaking of pron aka prawn and my writing, I am also drawing the line at Care Bear fan fic pron. None of that "And then Grumpy Bear began to stroke Cheer Bear's mound of Venus Bear, while suckling on her furry, raspberry-colored nipples." HAHAHAHAHA Oh crap I think the only person this is cracking up is me. Damn Benadryl.

Good night Seattle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!