Football Odes

Football Odes

People are very fond of haiku, but I am unable to jump on the haiku bandwagon. They don't make sense to me so my mind rebels at the idea of writing any. I say "Hey mind, write this haiku" and my mind says "No, asshole. You go write it." Since I can't write any haikus, I decided to write odes instead. And since today was game day, I decided to write odes with that theme in mind.

Ode to Kerry Collins

I think that I shall never see
A quarterback more fearful than thee
For what else can explain your need to remain
Upright and tackle-free.

Thine eyesight too, is much in doubt
For thy ignorance of Randy's whereabouts
When thine arm is back and set to release
To a fourth option scrub thou sends it out.

Ode to LaDainian Tomlinson

"Get Manning" some said, prior to our draft day
He'll put up points and win you the day.
But no, I decided and with the first pick in hand
I chose thou to come out for some fantasy play.

Every week thou work magic with thine legs to wield
But this night especially, I was thrilled with thine yield
192 yards and three touchdowns thou scoreth with ease
And even threw one touchdown thyself down the field.

Ode to An NFL Ref

Methinks the sport would be more of a blast
If thou removed thine tongue from the Patriots' ass.
In games whereupon New England parades the field
The gay fans cheer as yellow flags hit the grass.

"Roughing the passer" thouest cry, with hands on the hip
"Taylor bestowed a mean look upon Brady, I saw it."
"Encroachment" thouest cry, after blowing thine whistle
"James Farrior moved a hundredth of an inch, just a bit."

Me, Geo, Tony and Cue hit up one of those bars that show every game to watch the Raiders at Philly. As you can see, Cue and I were rooting for different teams but no blood was spilled. Only a little ranch dressing and some Yuengling (on tap, bleeccchh). I had to laugh out loud though when one of the commentators said the Raiders were "the best 0-3 team out there." Thanks. Our schedule did suck though.

Tony's new phone takes pretty good pics.

My favorite part of the afternoon was when the Raiders scored and a loud cheer erupted. Then 30 seconds later, the Jets did something good (not sure what because I wasn't watching) and one guy cheered. Then stopped because he was the only one and said "I guess no one cares about that huh." I patted him on the back sympathetically and said "It's not like they're our area team or anything." My sarcasm seemed to comfort him immensely. See I'm good for something.

Monday night edit: We lost our fantasy match-up by TWO FUCKING POINTS. TWO FUCKING POINTS. Jason Elam kicked a 51-fucking-yard field goal which gave our opponent 8 fucking fantasy points and the win. Why do I torment myself with fantasy football leagues. Of course, it could just be my karma biting me in the ass for secretly wishing he would get a bone spur in the first quarter.