Sad

Sad

Hurricane coverage aside, I think this was the saddest story I've read in a long time. I just can't understand it. It messed with my mind so much I had to come on here and type away but I have no idea what to say. It's not like the time I wrote that rather scathing post on Thanksgiving about a different psycho mother in the news. That just flowed. This post I keep typing and erasing. I want to be infuriated but I'm just sad. I think deep down inside the woman knew she was at risk to pass on the disease to her kids, might have already passed it on, but needed desperately to accept as fact the things she wanted to hear. As if HIV was some sort of problem you could close your eyes and pretend wasn't there, like imaginary monsters under the bed. Now her baby is gone and it might have been prevented.

I can see the guilt and desperation that all mothers must feel, who are HIV-positive and had kids after being infected. If you choose to believe that there is no possibility of transmission to your kids, then you don't have to face the guilt. It's very selfish and dangerous but I can see how she would be weak and grasp at all lifelines, no matter how implausible. Even if I don't agree with her decisions and alleged beliefs I can still see all that. Yet she maintains her position and continues to hold onto the delusions that she acted in the best interest of her child. Which we all know is a lie because why then would she test her remaining child. She is responsible for her child's death and regardless of the bullshit she's saying now, she knows it.

I think the reason I'm so unsettled is because the mother obviously has issues but what the hell were all those doctors thinking to allow this to happen? Why wasn't children's services notified that there was yet another child being potentially exposed? Why couldn't those doctors see that the mother was putting her needs above that of her children? What pisses me off the most is that social services knew the woman was HIV-positive and transmitting bodily fluids to her first son and they didn't remove him from her "care" or monitor the situation. The "we have other cases" excuse just doesn't fly. A woman who knows she is HIV-positive and breastfeeds her baby is just as bad as one that beats her child. At least the other child has a chance to survive his beating.

My head is pounding from trying to understand it. The person whose ass I want to kick the most is Dr. Fleiss. I mean not that I should have expected much from the man who raised a daughter that grew up and became the most famous hooker of all time. But how can he behave so irresponsibly and still look himself in the mirror. People in Los Angeles do me a favor. If you see Dr. Fleiss on the street, beat the fucking shit out of him.