Cops in Movies, Commonality, Crappy Kids Stuff

Cops in Movies, Commonality, Crappy Kids Stuff

Ever wonder how people as fucked in the head as Paris Hilton are created? Here's your answer. Although eventually it comes down to personal choice to act a certain way, Mommy and Daddy start the avalanche. The Paris Hiltons of this world aren't born, they're raised.

An old Steven Seagal movie was on last night and it made me wonder a few things. How come cops in movies and on television always wear "the wire" on their chest, where it is inevitably discovered? Do real life cops wear it there as well? How come they don't just stuff it down their crotch, where the big macho bad guy probably won't care to look? I assume they have microphones strong enough to work from down there. Also, how come cops in movies screech up to places, park the car sideways, then try and act nonchalant while walking into the establishment?

Kwame and I have weekly 24 and Nip/Tuck phone sessions, depending on which one is in season. And the combined power of him, Abel, Audrey and Paul got me on the Lost bandwagon. I banged out Season One in four nights after the kids went to bed. Who needs sleep when you can watch people get attacked by polar bears and monsters and wild boar and random people. Anyway, I need a Desperate Housewives call friend, one who preferably watches Grey's Anatomy too. Apply within. By the way, I hope Lost isn't going the way of Michael Crichton's Sphere. That would be a rip-off.

Ray did a post awhile back on the commonality of him and his boyfriend Matt. So here are me and Geo's percentages:

Height - Geo 80 / Riss 20
Athletic ability - Geo 50 / Riss 50 (I can beat Geo in tennis, but he can beat me up. He was raised in Jersey City so he knows all my dirty tricks. We can both catch and throw long and fairly tight spirals . I have a better outside shot but he has a better lay-up.)
Patience - Geo 80 / Riss 20 (That missing 20% happens when he's in his car.)
Affinity for music - Geo 50 / Riss 50
Ability to maintain while drunk- Geo 60 / Riss 40 (Geo gets 20 more percentage points because he rarely gets drunk, but when he's drunk he talks shit really loud as if no one but us can hear. "Hey Riss, look at that stripper, her hair looks like yarn." Meanwhile, she's two feet away.)
Ability to remember things - Geo 20 / Riss 80 (As you can imagine, this is especially annoying for Geo when we fight.)
Cooking ability - Geo 60 / Riss 40 (I've gotten better since I got knocked up. It's one thing for me and Geo to be eating Captain Crunch for dinner, but kids need actual food.)
Obsessive compulsive habits - Geo 30 / Riss 70 (I alphabetize my DVDs but I'm getting better. They used to be alphabetized according to genre.)

People keep asking what they should get the girls for Christmas. So I started browsing around and came across these two Baby Bratz dolls. They were twin dolls so I clicked the link. Um eeew. Now I realize why Geo doesn't mind the Bratz line of dolls but hates the Baby Bratz ones. They're a pedophile's toy dream come true. The babies wear make-up and come with diapers and SHEER THONGS. Excuse me, I have a little bit of throw-up in the back of my throat. May as well segue into my newest rant.

While shopping for presents the other day, I walked into a store which caters to adolescent and teenage girls. Apparently the in thing these days are shirts with random statements on them. Most are stupid, but there are funny ones out there. I noticed that one particular shirt was almost sold out while there were stacks of the others. The shirt was pink and said "I'm too pretty to do math." That's nice. At least we're teaching them early to grow up and be idiots. Or whores. The other shirts said things like "I like boys with money." If one of my daughters ever came home wearing a shirt that said "Gold-digger" I'd be like "You better be telling me you got a fucking job in a mine."