April 30, 2006



Last night Geo and I hit up Antarctica Bar on Hudson and Spring, for a charity fundraiser my friend Cris helped organize. Cris had asked me earlier if I wanted to be a guest bartender and naturally, anything to do with liquor is a go. Although asking me to guard liquor is like asking a lion to guard a limping zebra, but whatever.

Some notes:

-There was this creepy guy there who was hitting on every woman in the bar. His actions were of much interest to the rest of us. At one point he cornered this really nice lady and Geo told me I should save her. As if bartenders have some sort of legal obligation to save patrons from excess sleaze. I very selfishly refused, knowing that any provided assistance would only ensare me in his creepy trap. Dave from Maximum Awesome tried to stick me with the task of helping His Royal Creepiness but my self-preservation skills are pretty diesel.

Kwame: He's like on the All-Star Team of Creepy.
Me: HAHAHA! He's "All-Creepy, All Team."

-The real bartender despised me on sight. I of course, was super nice to her in return because that's even more funny than reciprocating with bitchiness. Take away their ammo and all they're left holding is a big jar of petty dislike. She was sweet to all the other guest bartenders though, even showed them where everything was and how to make drinks. Woman are so triflin' sometimes.

-I bullied Kwame's wife into doing a SoCo and lime shot. After she was done, the older white woman next to us said "You go girl" and went in for an enthusiastic high five. I just about died from trying not to laugh. Black people have to deal with serious issues with regards to race, but they also have to deal with some funny as hell ones. "You go girl" even. Hee. The woman and her husband were really great people though.

-Dave and I were both dying to use the random bartending tools around. Like the strainer thing with the slinky attached. I finally used it, thus breaking with me and Dave's Offical Bartending Plan. We had decided prior to jumping behind the bar that no matter what anyone asked us for, he was just going to hand them a Coors Light and I was just going to give them a shot of Jaeger. "This bar sucks. That bartender only gives out crappy beer and that other one is even worse."

-The owner of the bar is actually friends with some people I used to work with. This mutual friendship resulted in free Antarctica T-shirts for Geo and Kwame. Their combined happiness over this was a bit scary to behold. The owner is actually pretty lucky that Cris didn't manage to convince anyone to do a cartwheel on top of the bar for 10 bucks. Liabilities and all.

-Min showed up for a hot second during which we made plans to stalk Jesse L Martin in Tribeca. Mike J showed up late and was actually going to leave after one coke. He decided to stay and break his liquor embargo, which had been in effect since the night a couple of weeks ago that he drank so much he passed out on the purloined White Castle doormat outside Steve's bathroom.

-I subjected everyone to some Dragostea Din Tei. Thank Heaven for those new-fangled jukeboxes with a jillion song choices. Although it took forever to pick songs, since reading while drunk is like trying to watch a silent movie upside-down. Also, I was in the perfect drunken pool land. I am the Goldilock's of bar pool. Too much or too little liquor and nothing is going in the hole. Yeah yeah make the jokes.

-To celebrate our meeting for the first time (I'd hung out with Cris and Heide once before but Dave, Alix and company were new) we did Dr. Peppers. To drink a Dr. Pepper you take a glass of light beer 3/4ths full, drop a shot of amaretto in it and then down the whole thing. It's even more potent when they're flaming, meaning you coat the amaretto on top with Bacardi 151 then light it on fire. Once, I convinced a barful of people to do them with me and when it splashed, the bar caught fire with the blue flame. I paused in mid-drink, blew out the fire and then finished downing the drink. Hey, with great power comes great responsibility.

Geo, me, Kwame and Kesha. I tried to get Kesha nice and liquored up
for Kwam. That's what friends are for.

Dave had a stoge in his mouth and a Guinness in his hand for much of the night. I like him.

Photographic evidence of the shot Kesha actually drank. It took a few tries
but finally, with everyone egging her on, she gave in. "Everyone's doing it."

Me, Cris and Heide. And Alix is right, I do like hugging girls.
It's because I know they're not going to poke me with anything.

An action shot of the Dr. Pepper fun.
Kevin (in the glasses) even participated, like any good pub owner should.

Me, Dave, Alix, Cris and Heide looking like "real people" versus message board avatars.

All in all, good times.

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