Pron Tarts

Pron Tarts

I've got BIG THINGS planned for tonight's radio show. By the way, BIG THINGS is lazy person code for "not much." Just so you guys know. I did however pick out a theme that should be popular with about four people. Just kidding, I have more white readers than that.

Anyhoo, the theme is "Music From The Big Hair 80's," a theme that was in fact suggested by my very Filipino friend Abel. Abel, who lives in the hood, rocks Triple 5 Soul and could kill you with THIS *holding up a woman porn tart*.

What is a "woman porn tart" anyway? I don't know but it sounds interesting. It was a search string someone used to find my site last week. Is it like a pop tart? Maybe you break the flaky crust open and in the middle is pron. If I get one I want it frosted. Plain pron tarts are just gross.

"Tartlets...tartlets...tartlets. The word has lost all meaning."
(No, I'm not high but it sure seems like it.)

Frequently asked questions about tonight's show (and "by frequently" I mean "once"):

1. Will you be playing any Guns N Roses?
Yes. From when Axl was still insane in a good way.

2. What about some Metallica?
Musically I don't think they fit the theme but I have "One" in the queue, which is one of the best songs ever.

3. Who was your favorite hair band?
Motley Crue, by far. Their first two albums "Too Fast For Love" and "Shout At The Devil" are hair band treasures.

Frequently asked questions about women pron tarts (and by "asked" I mean I asked them):

1. Is the pron on the inside of the tart or on the outside?
On the woman porn tarts the pron is on the inside. On the man porn tarts the pron is on the outside. Come on, this is basic biology. I mean baking.

2. Would you eat a woman porn tart?
Maybe if it was frosted and clean-shaven and I was really drunk. For the most part though I only like man porn tarts.

3. Who should be the official spokesperson for the woman porn tart?
I would prefer it to be Tera Patrick but Jenna Jamison seems to be the capitalist guru these days. So marketing-wise she would be the solid pick. "Cumin' soon to a grocery store near you!"