Random

Random Things

1. This has been in the queue for weeks so might as well post it now:
Husband tries to sell wife's box on E-Bay because his cock doesn't fit.

2. For my last birthday, Aughra got me a nice book and so for her past birthday I sent her something as well. But Aughra deserves her birthday gifts far more than I ever could, because she thanks everyone with personalized pictures. She asked me what kind of picture I wanted and I said to surprise me. Blog Ho told her that I was easily pleased by anything to do with food. This is the thank you picture I got. Aughra rocks.

3. Gmail needs to stop adding new features and let me catch up. The other day a magic window appeared and one of my friends started talking. AIM was off so I had no idea how this was happening. For a moment I felt like Neo in The Matrix. But without the bug pulled out of my stomach. There would be no need to kill any bugs I ingest. The toxic mix of acids and chemicals that are already there would kill anything not wearing a hazmat suit. The candy I just ate has carnauba wax in it. Geo says that's the principal ingredient in the car wax he uses.

4. Geo and I watched V for Vendetta tonight on our date. It makes me laugh to go to movies as an adult, because I remember how when I was a teenager movies were a place to make out. Seriously. I had my tongue down my first boyfriend's throat during all of Silence of the Lambs. To the extent that I didn't even know what the movie was about until I watched it again in college. Now however, I go to movies to see the movie and nothing else. I don't attend movies with chatty friends and Geo knows better than to try and get frisky. Unless it's a boring movie. But really, is there anything tackier than adults sucking face in a movie theatre.

V was pretty good but you know how biased I am towards comic book adaptation movies. I liked this one particularly because they actually attempted a storyline, rife with political allegories that could be manipulated by anyone. Also, the guy can throw knives like it's nobody's business.

5. I'm apparently not supposed to be eating anything that has partially hydrogenated anything in it. That leaves water and dirt.

6. Someone is cyber-squatting on my old domain name and will sell it for a minimum of $888. Vultures. This internet thing is out of control. But here are some goldfish synchronized swimming.

7. I also saw the first half hour of The Aristocrats this weekend. It's a documentary of 100 famous comedians or comic industry people who tell this one joke in a variety of ways, all of them obscene. The body of the joke doesn't matter as long as you use some combination of a man, his wife, his son, his daughter and their dog, and act that the man pitches to a talent agency and the punchline has to be "The Aristocrats." As can be imagined, this blank slate is filled with some of the vilest humor in the history of humor. After watching it and hearing jokes about shit, excremental sex, golden showers, vomit, incest and pretty much everything else under the sun, I realized that I am ALMOST completely de-sensitized to obscene jokes. That almost pertains to the child molestation jokes. At least I have a standard.

If I were to tell the joke I would leave off the excrement and incest which is so passe.

A man walks into a talent agency and meets with an agent. "I have a show for you, the greatest show in all the land." His curiousity caught, the agent asked him to elaborate. "Well," the man says "I go onstage with my wife and we both strip naked. She squats over me and with a series of side lunges, deposits a load of menstrual blood on my face. My kid comes over and flicks her unfertilized egg to the far side of the stage, and then I yell 'Fetch boy' and our dog runs over, laps it up and brings it back to me. Then I eat it." The agent is apalled. "What the hell do you call your show?" "The Aristocrats."

(Whispering) Psssst Kwame... Oakland plays the Jets on December 31...)