Last night's show is available for download here. Just a warning, I'm already slipping into talking-too-fast mode. It takes a lot of effort for me to talk slow and I was worried about technical difficulties (quicksand) happening that instead of a trainwreck like last week, you have that ultra-lightning French TGV train. My high school English teacher Mr. Kane told me that the reason I talk fast is that my brain moves fast and if I don't talk fast I'll be too far along the thought. He's actually right. By the time I actually speak the sentence I've formulated, my brain is about 8 sentences ahead and there's every chance my train of thought will end and leave me stranded without having finished the first sentence. And naturally every subsequent sentence would be lost. Unless I say it all really fast. I know you guys can listen fast though. (Thanks Ginger!!)
Highlights:
I don't actually know what the creative inspiration was for BadgerBadgerBadger.com but the other day I was brushing my teeth and Geo came in. He proceeded to start singing "badger badger badger badger" while thrusting his hips to the beat. Then came "Muuushrooooom muuushrooooom" and finally the complete collection of family jewels for "Ohhhh, it's a snake, oh it's a snake." I of course, was bent over the sink in absolute hysteria, which he promptly took advantage of because he's sneaky like that.
In the last 24 hours I've eaten: Penne a la vodka pasta with grilled chicken and asparagus, Lay's KFC BBQ chips, Chex Mix Turtle, two chocolate-covered marshmallow cookie things, 12 pizza rolls, 2 Cadbury Creme eggs, a bowl of raw cauliflower with ranch dressing, one chicken McNugget, Wendy's nuggets and fries, lasagna, spaghetti-os, another Cadbury Creme egg and a banana creme-covered marshmallow thing. Oh and some bacon.
That song "Dragostea Din Tei" (Numa Numa) is strangely addicting to me. Yes, that's the weird song from the commercial and the jillions of internet videos. It's sung by a bunch of Romanians. I didn't even realize Romania had anything other than genetically-engineered gymnasts who are part cyborg. Seriously. No human being should ever be able to jump in the air, do a full split then land on their genitals. It's inhuman. But Numa Numa makes me happy. So very happy. The World of Warcraft numa is fun too. Oh and Lego numa.
The other day Geo and I were "waahhhhh-ing" a la Stuttering John from Howard Stern. Wahhh the garbage smells. Waahhhhh this cereal sucks ass waahhh. And then Geo went there about how this may be the last season of 24. "Waaaahhh Jack Bauer is leaving waaahhhh." I looked at him and went "Yo you're taking it too far." Which of course cracked him up even more. But I was dead serious.
I had a dream last night that I made an accidental pron video. I was supposed to be making a kids' video like Barney or Blues Clues and instead somehow made pron without knowing it. I hope the dream isn't prophetic or anything.
These are the 5 people you meet at work in a large corporation:
- The Kiss Ass - You know this person because when the boss takes a shit, he or she has to move this person's tongue out of the way to wipe. They're always doing busywork and embellishing on stupid shit just to hear themselves talk. You can also tell them by the myriad of inside jokes they have with the big boss. Nobody should ever have inside jokes with the boss. The boss is someone to be respected, loathed or feared, he or she is not supposed to be your homeboy.
- The Ditz - You can tell this person because they sit across from you, yapping on personal phone calls the whole fucking day instead of getting back to you. Thanks to them, you have no idea what last year's Q4 Marketing budget was, but you do know that Jim the fat guy got kicked off of Survivor because they talk about it for HOURS. Each day. Even I can't talk about 24 for that long. We had a chick like this at my last job, and thanks to the dumb ergonomic bullshit they tried to apply in the office, we had low walls instead of cubicles. It was supposed to enhance brainstorming but all it did was annoy the fuck out of everyone. Sometimes I'd come back from lunch a little buzzed (it was a hostile takeover and I was hostile since they were firing everyone) and listen to her blabbing on and on about Survivor. I'd want to just reach over, take one of my no. 2 Dixon Ticonderoga pencils and stab her in the fucking eye. But then I'd think of the mess. And also, how jail sucks.
- The Post Office Worker - You can tell this guy because when you talk to him about work, for a moment there's a flash in his eye like he's mentally walking through the reception area locked and loaded.
- The Cubic Zirconia - Looks nice and useful but is worth nothing. You can tell this person because they're always using crappy office terminology when simple phrases would suffice. "We should have an ad hoc marketing meeting onsite." Dude, just fucking say "We'll meet again on the morning of the event."
- Chicken Little - Mad drama every day, the sky is always falling. This is the person that can't handle the tiniest bit of pressure, and has no organizational skills, yet manages to get placed in charge of all the major projects.
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