Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume 6

Tequila Shots For The Radio: Volume 6

My show from last night is available for download here.

There was no theme for this week, people are probably still recovering from my last one. "Big Hair 80's" wasn't a complete hit, which I don't understand. What's not fun about men with teased up hair and eyeliner. Possibly the shortage of midgets. Midgets make everything more fun.

Notes:

-I haven't been having a very good karma week, as in the stuff I've been putting out into the atmosphere. Last night for example, the grocery clerk was chit-chatting with the cashier next to him and he kept pausing and waving around my items while he spoke. He'd scan something then pause for about 8 seconds before putting it in my cart. As we were finally moving away I realized he hadn't charged us for our bottled water. Let me just say real quick that I am stupidly honest sometimes. I always alert cashiers when they've missed something or given me back too much change. I once found a pager in a bathroom with a hundred dollars in the clip and turned it in to the manager. He probably kept it but better his thievery than mine. This time however, I weighed "the right thing to do" versus having to wait for this fucker to ring up all seven hundred of the guy behind me's items, while pausing every 8 fricken seconds in between each item. I bounced. The moral of the story is that apparently my impatience trumps all, even my conscience.

-Sometimes though, my friends like to exaggerate my reputation for humor's sake. I don't think my karma should have to take a hit for that. Last week two cars were blocking the way, one in each lane, chit-chatting with each other. By the way why must everyone fucking chit-chat at my inconvenience? We wait patiently for over a minute for them to finish their conversation so we can pass. I stick my head out the window and say something to the effect of "Are you gonna stay there all night or what?" A few minutes later on the highway, one of the cars started showing off and tried to gun the engine and race past his friend. He lost control of the car, did a 360 and ricocheted off the guard rail. We checked to make sure he was okay when we drove past and he was fine. Mike goes, "I have to call Tony." Ten seconds later and I hear "Riss yelled at a guy and he crashed." Yeah that's not really fair.

-I'm not saying the rep is undeserved. I'm not deluded. I went snooping through my former brother-in-law's letters once to see what he was spending the thousands of dollars he owed me on and the first line of the first letter came from some girl in Cali who said "So what's it like living with the Wicked Witch of the West?" Whorebag by the way. I remember her vaguely and I was always nice to her even though she was so user-friendly that none of the other girls would speak to her. Way to return the favor.

-My point is, I've mellowed A LOT from that crazy person I may have been (still think it's debatable) many years ago. A LOT. A lot a lot. And any bitchiness that may have existed stems from the fact that I'm an impatient person versus an actual bitch. La la la. Doot doot doot. Yes friends, sometimes you CAN just let one go without making a snarky comment!!

-Someone sent me the first season of Justice League on DVD but I hadn't been able to watch it because my girls want all Dora all the time when the TV is on. They don't really sit and watch TV but they like it as background noise. I can't complain because I'm the same way. I wanted to watch it though so I got my girls all good and excited by going "Wow… look! It's Superman and Batman!" And pretty much enthused about it until they wanted to watch it. Which is horrible I know, because at least when we watch Dora it's educational and I talk them through it. But when I talked them through Justice League it wasn't educational at all no matter how much I tried. "Oh wow look, Batman needs to get the assassin to tell the good guys who hired him. Batman has him by the neck. Neck. Where's your neck?"

-Batman is my absolute favorite superhero. I love him because he's brilliant, efficient, dark and realizes that the boy scout way of life is sometimes unrealistic. Also, I'm a girl and he and his son Terry McGinnis are hot. See also my header at the top of this site. My second favorite in the series is Hawkgirl, because she's a brawler. My friend Heide called dibs on her though and so if she ever comes over to play superheros with me then I have to be Wonder Woman. Sucks. Wonder Woman got to make out with Bruce Wayne though.

-The rest of the show consists of music, sick stories about shit I've done in the past on dares (that trust me you don't want to hear), the usual observations on sex and me rambling about yet more of my crazy dreams. I still need to learn how to think slower so I can talk slower. Don't know how I'm going to do that though.