November 3, 2006

Random Crap In The News

Random Crap In The News

But first, I forgot to tell you guys that Geo and I hit up our friend Joanne's Halloween party last weekend. She had finger foods galore though, it was wonderful. There were pigs in a blanket already stuffed with mustard and sauerkraut, spinach quiche, White Castle burgers, mini pizzas and boxes of jello shots. One of her friends had the funniest costume I have ever seen. He came as Nacho Libre, complete with the red underwear and cape. The moment he walked in we were all in hysterics. I told Geo if I were single I'd hook up with that guy just because his costume was so damn funny.


1. Mike sent me an e-mail with the subject "VOMIT EEEEEW." I thought it was going to be something kinky like golden shower pron but instead it was an article about a teenage boy who raped his mom while she was passed out drunk. He did it to hurt his brother, who he had been arguing with. Okay yeah, I put some stock in the whole nurture part of the nature versus nurture argument but some people are just born crazy. Certain people are just nuts and it takes something to make them snap. Someone who rapes their own mom is obviously not sane by society's standards, but there is no way he doesn't know on some level that it's wrong. Lock him up, throw away the key and don't look back. But of course the bleeding hearts have to run out and try to find a way to justify the behavior, to remove blame. Like the whole "postpartum psychosis" shit to describe women who kill their kids. No, that bitch was crazy and she had a baby and then she became a crazy bitch with a baby. She's not a normal person who "suddenly snapped" she's a crazy bitch who some idiot impregnated.

2. Some woman didn't find out she was pregnant until the day before her baby was born. Skepticism that anyone could be so deluded aside, if you're overweight enough that you can carry a full term, 7-lb baby without realizing you're pregnant then maybe it's time to lose some weight.

3. Supposedly, over $972 million worth of gift cards went unused last year. I can't wrap my brain around that. Gift cards are money! Here's a solution, every person who is currently in possession of an unused gift card should send it to me. The craziest part of the article is this sentence: "Of course there was the loathsome mashed-potato-scented candle, and the hated socks." What's wrong with receiving a mashed-potato-scented candle or socks as a gift??? The only thing better than a mashed-potato-scented candle would be a bacon-scented one. And socks are little bits of cloth sent down by God to keep our feet warm at night. GOD. By way of 7-year-old boys in Honduras but still GOD.

4. Geo and I have been joking for the past few weeks about the need to break up Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Philippe (we both like her and dislike him.) I even joked I was willing to go let Geo have an affair with her for the greater good. I mean Ryan Philippe is really, really annoying. And then the news hit that they were getting a divorce, which in truth sucks because then it means he probably did cheat on her. It's the cliche way that men who are insecure about a more successful wife end up retaliating against her. My point is that they didn't sign a prenup, so if Ryan Philippe wants to avoid the big fat PUSSY stamp on his forehead then he should man up and let her keep her earnings.

5. Can someone please explain to me America's love affair with Snoop Dog? Please? I can't remember the last decent song he made but I see him all over the place. Fo shizzle.

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